


voldemort || with confidence

by ilikepie1079



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Asexual Christine Canigula, Bisexual Chloe Valentine, Bisexual Jeremy Heere, Coming Out, Depression, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Gay Michael, Gen, Lots of it, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pansexual Brooke Lohst, Pansexual Jake Dillinger, Questioning, boyf riends — Freeform, everyone's slightly gay, questioning jake, will update tags as we go along
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2018-11-15 22:36:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 37,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11240706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilikepie1079/pseuds/ilikepie1079
Summary: And I will try to hold you upThrough those times when you are goneDespite the weather, it gets betterYou won't do this alone---After the whole "incident", Jeremy and Michael stumble around trying to figure out what they are going to do with their lives. With the sudden appearance of friends, popularity and weird feelings, these two join together to face the harsh weather of the world.And it may involve lots of gay jokes and emotions.As well as lots of hurt and comfort.---Title based on a song by With Confidence called Voldemort.





	1. reassurances and reoccurrences

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is is my first fanfic for Be More Chill and probably not my last!  
> This takes place before the end of the musical and a little after the Play incident.  
> Mostly, this is a lot of just teenagers trying to deal with teenager things, which is practically me at all the times. 
> 
> I chose this title/song for a reason and that is because this song explicitly is about depression. After the squip incident, I feel like all of these poor teens just need each other, so I decided to write this.
> 
> WARNINGS:  
> -references to achievement hunter because Jeremy and Michael would so watch them due to them playing video games  
> -for that I recommend you watch the videos!  
> -also, SPOILERS FOR OF MICE AND MEN ARE IN HERE

**Chapter 1- reassurances and reoccurrences**

 

_“I remember the first night that she said_

_‘Oh maybe I can do this on my own’_

_And despite all the reassurances and reoccurrences_

_You will not be alone”_

 

* * *

 

It was horrible. After the incident.

The nightmares that plagued everyone’s consciousness. Mostly, Jeremy and Rich dreaded sleep, due to hearing the haunting sounds of the squip’s voice and remembering all the horrid things that they had done to themselves or other people.

Rich’s head was filled with terrors of destroying his sexuality, terrorizing Jeremy and Michael, his squip’s praise for how manly he was being, his father’s screeches, the broken beer bottles scattered across the floor, the squib instructing him to burn it, burn them all with your personality, the fire at Jake’s, Jake’s crumpled body, Michael’s firm yet quivering voice telling him what to do, the maddening sound of the squib, just there, screaming at him to be better, be more chill, be more _chill._

It haunted him every night.

Jeremy’s head projected terror vastly different from Rich. Mostly, his prolonged desire for Christine being multiplied, his downward spiral of corruption, the squip’s flashes of lightning racing down his spine, the orders in the robotic tone that the squip had adopted, Michael’s face morphing into one of disgust and pain, Brooke’s sobbing face, being paralyzed while Chloe moved slowly up towards him and her appearance was peeled away slowly becoming the squip, and be more chill, Jeremy, _be more_ **_chill_ **.

Jeremy would wake up in a cold sweat with his blankets cascading over the sides of the bed. He would be freezing and burning at the same times. And all he could do was sob into his sweat covered pillow in attempts to try and smother the chorus of voices and memories in his mind.

The whole group of them took off a half a week after the incident.

Everyone but Rich, Jeremy, and Michael could come back from it.

Rich needed to heal in the hospital, as well as attend a huge amount of therapy to work out the whole turmoil in his mind as well as his body.

Jeremy needed rest and to heal up his internal wounds as well. He would attend therapy for a little because he promised Michael he would.

Michael put himself in charge of Jeremy and Rich, constantly visiting the both of them so that they didn’t feel alone. They needed a link to the outside world, and Michael would kindly be that link.

So, he attended very few classes, getting the notes from colleagues and his newly acquired _friends_. He made sure to stop by 7/11 every morning and then make his way to the hospital. He didn’t neglect his part-time job, due to needing to gas his car for all this new travel, but he didn’t clog up his schedule so that he could relax and enjoy his time with his best friend and former bully.

“Good morning, you two,” Michael hummed, walking into the bright, sterile hospital room. He had always hated the smell and feel of hospitals; it clung to your bones, pulling you slowly to the ground as you thought about all the new life being born while others rotted away to diseases or old age. But, he was slowly getting used to it, because every day he saw Jeremy’s soft smile and heard Rich’s gruff but gentle _‘Morning, Michael.’_

“Morning, Michael,” Rich replied, looking over to the door. They had cut off his body cast after a couple of weeks and gave him smaller casts so that he was mobile. His loud and constant complaints had driven the whole staff crazy, so when they knew he was good enough to move, they went through with the procedure. It went off without a hitch, and even though Rich still complained, he was a lot more polite and kind towards the staff and visitors.

“Hey, Michael,” Jeremy stated from the bed closest to the door. The bags under his eyes were pretty deep and he looked a little ghastly at this point. Michael knew Jeremy wasn’t sleeping well, but he couldn’t do anything about it except nag Jeremy about it. “Did you bring the stuff?”

“Of course, my dude,” Michael smiled, putting a front to cheer up the two bedridden patients. Michael pulled up his usual stool between the two beds and set his backpack on his lap. He tugged out a laptop, a charging cord, three controllers, two Slurpees in unmarked styrofoam cups, a pair of magazines, a thick book, and Jeremy’s favorite cardigan. He set both the laptop and charger on the foot of Jeremy’s bed, as well as the large book and controllers. He tossed the two magazines to Rich, and after looking through the top of the cups into the Slurpees, he gave one to each of them.

When he pulled out Jeremy’s cardigan, Jeremy’s eyes lit up in the best way that Michael wondered if the room had gotten brighter just from the intense blue orbs. “You got it!” Jeremy’s exclamation was childlike and caused Michael to laugh slightly.

“Of course I got it,” Michael shrugged, handing off the soft sweater-like material to Jeremy. “Even though your dad’s gone all the time, I still know your garage code.”

“Oh my God,” Jeremy quickly slipped it on, juggling his Slurpee in his hands as he did. “Michael, you are the best person ever. I owe you one.”

“So do I,” Rich chimed, browsing a magazine as he sipped on his drink. “God, I never knew sugar water could taste this good. I keep forgetting since you don’t bring us one every day.”

“Hey, I’m not made of money,” Michael shrugged, zipping up his empty bag and shoving it under Jeremy’s bed. “I can only afford two larges for you two every week.”

“Thank you so much, Michael,” Jeremy said. He made eye contact with Michael, giving him a genuine tender look. Michael’s insides melted and he almost felt dizzy by such a caring stare.

“Dude, it really isn’t a problem,” Michael replied. He cracked open the laptop and started looking for the application he needed. “I’m missing school to play video games with my two buddies. You would do the same thing.”

“I wouldn’t,” Rich retorted. “I’m jealous that Jeremy got to have you as a friend for what, 12 years? The coolest thing is that you’re also bringing me stuff. Like, if I were in your position, I would be only getting shit to Jeremy.”

“I feel like that’s a little shitty,” Michael shrugged, once again.

“Hey, when did I ever say I wasn’t anything but a little shit?” Rich pointed out.

Jeremy and Michael chuckled at that.

“Don’t laugh at that, you two,” Rich stated, jokingly. “You’re both tall as fuck.”

“Eh,” Jeremy argued with mumble and shake of his head.

“I’d like to agree with Jeremy, but he’s half an inch taller than me, which drives me insane,” Michael’s soft tapping on the keyboard filled the room under his voice.

“ _Michael_ ,” Jeremy groaned, rolling his eyes. The reaction caused Rich to snort and Michael to shrug again.

“What can I say, I’m like Miley Cyrus,” Michael hummed.

“Elaborate,” Jeremy replied, while Rich and he both had faces of confusion.

“ _I can’t be tamed_ ,” Michael stated, grabbing a controller.

Rich and Jeremy both groaned in response to Michael’s one-liner. And then, the conversation lapsed into silence for a moment, the only sound in the room being the crinkling of paper, tapping, and sipping.

“Hey, Michael,” Jeremy’s voice was small, barely threatening to break the silence between them.

“Hm?” Michael acknowledged Jeremy with a simple noise, as he set up another controller.

“I really do owe you a lot,” Jeremy stated.

“No, you don’t. It’s just what friends do.”

“Michael, I’m serious. I treated you like you were nothing, and yet you still saved me despite how bad of a friend I was. And here you are, pampering us and I can’t do anything. So, what do I owe you?”

“I don’t like repeating myself, J. You don’t owe me anythin-”

“I don’t either. So, what do I owe you?”

Michael sighed, hating how persistent Jeremy could be when he wanted something. “How about you owe me a round of Rainbow Road on Mario Kart?” Michael said, handing a controller to Jeremy with a weary look in his eyes.

Jeremy looked up at Michael, slightly peeved, but after a long pause of the two staring at each other, he took the controller from the other’s hands. “Okay, but you’re getting creamed.”

Michael smiled as Rich chuckled from the other bed. “Rich, you joining?” Michael inquired, holding out a controller for him as well. Even though Rich had casts on his arms, limiting his finger/hand movements, he could play video games surprisingly well.

Rich had said it was because he was used to playing with casts. Neither Jeremy nor Michael asked why due to Rich’s somber tone fused within his answer.  

“Aw _hell_ yeah,” Rich’s face broke out into a huge grin. He set his magazines aside and practically ripped the controller out of Michael’s hands.

Michael smiled at Rich’s enthusiasm and pulled up another chair to the foot of the beds. He gripped the last controller, moved the laptop onto the new chair and settled down on his stool. Being player 1, he was able to control the race and what they were doing.

“You’re picking Toad?” Jeremy asked while they were in character selection.

“What? You’re picking Luigi,” Rich retorted.

“You just don’t seem like a Toad guy,” Jeremy replied.

“You seem like a total Luigi guy,” Rich said. “But, I would’ve thought Michael would be Mario.”

“Oh, hell no,” Michael responded. “Waluigi is my boyfriend and I would choose no one else.”

“He’s also in it for the memes,” Jeremy added.

“Okay, shut it, J,” Michael grumbled as Rich chuckled.

He selected Rainbow Road and felt his thumbs twiddle with anticipation. There was suddenly a tiny murmur of adrenaline coursing through the veins of the the three boys.

“Get ready to eat my dust, losers,” Michael stated as the countdown started.

_3…_

“You’ll be getting a taste of your own medicine,” Jeremy retorted, his thumb hovering over the gas button.

_2…_

There was a chorus of buttons being pushed and Rich said, “I _definitely_ got the boost!”

_1.._

“Yeah, right!” Jeremy and Michael replied, secretly jealous of Rich’s luck.

_Go!_

* * *

“Damn it!” Rich yelled, slapping his controller down on the bed. “How are you so good?!”

“Um, I’m player one,” Michael stated, still focused on the game. “I don’t fuck around, man.”

“Oh, yay, I fell _again,_ ” Jeremy muttered snarkily. “Can we change the course for the last game? I literally hate Rainbow Road even more now.”

“FIRST!” Michael yelped, jumping up in glee. “WAH! Suck my dick!”

“How the fuck-?” Rich grumbled. He had to pick back up his controller

“I’m just so close to the finish line!” Jeremy complained with a whining tone. “Please, please, please! Oh my _God_. Come on, Luigi. Go faster!”

“I’m contemplating just jumping off the side in different ways for the rest of the race,” Rich growled.

“You want me to try and get you something better than twelfth?” Michael inquired, holding out his hand for the controller.

Rich looked at Michael, then looked at his controller. He debated it for a second while Jeremy screamed, “Come on!” after getting hit by a green shell.

“Why not?” Rich shrugged, “I gave up anyway.” He set the controller in Michael's hands and then immediately Michael was off.

“Rich, why would you do that?” Jeremy groaned. “He now has another way to beat me!”

“But, you’re in like, seventh?” Rich asked. “And he’s in twelfth.”

“Not for long,” Michael muttered, acquiring a Bullet Bill. “And yeah, I’m still gonna beat you, J.”

“I swear, Michael Mell,” Jeremy threatened. “If you bea- _shit!_ ”

Michael snorted.

“Okay, what the hell,” Rich commented. “You were in last place five seconds ago, how are you already in tenth?!?”

“Like I said,” Michael hummed. “ _I’m player one_.”

Jeremy just gritted his teeth and sped up.

“Oh my _God_!” Rich yelped. “Ninth!”

Jeremy stole a quick glance over to Michael on his left. Michael was in deep concentration mode, with his lips secure in his teeth and eyes glued to the small computer screen. His glasses had slipped downwards, yet he didn’t seem to notice. It was adorable, in a sense.

“Eighth!”

“I’m on your tail, Heere,” Michael jabbed at Jeremy.

“I don’t think you know who you’re dealing with,” Jeremy replied, hitting an item box. He smirked when he got exactly what he needed, a golden toad. He jetted forward, almost falling off the edge a multitude of times, but he passed a CPU.

“Oh _shit!_ ” Rich exclaimed. “Jeremy retaliates!”

Michael went quiet as Jeremy grinned in victory. What could he say, he was graceful under pressure. _When it came to video games._

“But, Michael’s catching up!” Rich informed, causing the slight victory in Jeremy’s chest to disintegrate. “Aaaaaaaand he’s in seventh!”

The finish line was in sight. Jeremy just had to finish and leave Michael in the dust. It was that simple. “Come on, come on, come on-”

“Michael’s gaining on him!” Rich had suddenly adopted an announcer's voice.

Jeremy frowned when he saw Toad slowly slide up the screen to be beside him.

“They are neck and neck, folks! And only just a few moments from the finish line!”

Michael bumped into Jeremy, which caused Jeremy to curse under his breath and bump Michael back.

“Michael’s starting to edge forward! No, now it’s Jeremy! No, now Michael! Jeremy! Michael! Aaaand-”

They flashed through the line. Jeremy looked towards the numbers at the bottom of each screen.

“Swiss fucking cheese! God damn it!” Jeremy groaned, causing Michael to chuckle.

“MICHAEL WON!!” Rich boomed, cheering with his arms in the air.

“Here’s your controller back, bud,” Michael handed the controller over the Rich, who grabbed it enthusiastically.

“I’m literally so happy that I didn’t come in last place again,” Rich stated with his smile beaming.

“Hey, J,” Michael hummed. “GG.” He held out a fist towards Jeremy.

Jeremy sighed and fist-bumped Michael back. “GG, player one. GG.”

They played one last race after that, surprisingly not in Rainbow Road, but instead in Moo Moo Meadows. The three of them lined up perfectly at the end with Michael getting first, Jeremy getting second and Rich getting third.

The final totals had Michael in first, Jeremy ended in sixth, and Rich finished in tenth. Rich had shouted in joy at not being in last place, which caused Michael and Jeremy to laugh and cheer along. They ended the game and started “quiet time”.

Jeremy had started the whole thing due to Michael coming in and slightly complaining about how much school work he was missing, which caused Jeremy to panic. He didn’t want to hold Michael back from academics and never wanted to harm Michael’s grades. So, Jeremy forced Michael to work on his homework for at least an hour while Rich and Jeremy would either read or take naps. If anyone talked about some issue that wasn’t an emergency, “quiet time” would receive an additional thirty minutes.

Michael set aside the controllers, placing them back into his bag. He closed out of the gaming application on his computer and pulled up some document that held notes from a lecture in a class that he had. Jeremy leaned for his book, his fingers missing the book at first and then finally latching onto the thick object. Rich opened up his magazines, the noise of crinkling paper indicating the action.

Jeremy opened his book to the first page with the sounds of a tapping keyboard and occasional rumpling of papers as his background noise.

He got through the first chapter before he started to feel a little tired. His eyes started to shut slightly, but he blinked himself awake. He tried to read, but suddenly the words were really blurry and borin-

Jeremy yawned, interrupting his thoughts. He blinked to get the tears out of his eyes before he started to read again. But, now he knew he was nodding off. His head was starting to fall

and his eyes felt so

heavy and

sleep

sounded

really

 

nice

 

He was out in a second.

* * *

Michael looked up for a brief second to check on the others in the room and almost burst out into laughter. Jeremy, the geek of the century, had passed out while reading a _book_.

He set his computer on the side of the bed, slightly shutting it, and stood up. He slowly moved the book out of Jeremy’s lifeless hands and then rearranged the pillows behind him. Michael tilted the bed back a little before moving Jeremy’s head back into the sea of pillows behind him. Once Jeremy’s neck didn’t look like it was at an awkward angle, Michael left him alone, knowing full well that the boy needed sleep.

“Hey, Michael,” Rich stated in a soft voice.

Michael turned to look at Rich. “What’s up?”

“Um, how do I say this?”

Michael cocked an eyebrow. Rich looked _nervous_ like he was about to confess his love or something. Wait, was he confessing his love? They didn’t even know each other and how could Michael let him down easy and not get beat up?

“I know you’re, like, only here for Jeremy and shit. Which I guess is why I’m so thankful for you including me in all your video games and whatnot, but, I, um,-”

_Shit, shit, shit, shit. Um, sorry Rich, I’m straight? But, I’m not straight. I’m very gay. Does he know that? I don’t think so…..unless-_

“I know Jeremy doesn’t owe you anything since he’s, like, your best friend. But, I bullied you guys for a year and yet, you’ve helped me so much, even though I’ve been a complete asshole. So, I wanted to ask-”

_I don’t date guys? But, I do. Just not you. No, that’s way too harsh. Maybe I could accept a date and then tell him that he’s not my type while on it._

“What do I owe you?”

Michael felt his insides relax instantly with relief.

“Because I really feel like I owe you a bunch and I don’t know how to pay you back for all the helpful shit you’ve done. And, I really hate feeling like I owe people shit.”

“It’s fine, Rich,” Michael shrugged, sitting back down, but keeping himself turned towards the other boy.

“No, it’s not.” Rich looked conflicted, almost sad.

It hurt Michael’s heart. “Please, you don’t need to worry about it.”

“I do! You’ve done so much for me, and I didn’t even need to, like, beg you or anything. You just did things and invited me into your friendship thing with Jeremy without thinking, and honestly, I wouldn’t do that shit for someone who insulted me and treated me like trash for, like, a year of my life. You’re just being so nice to me and you don’t have any reason to.”

“I do, though.”

“And what could that be?”

“We’re all just humans, Rich. And we should treat each other with respect and kindness. Because if we don’t, it will only get worse.”

Rich fell silent and stared down at the bed.

“You’ve went through a lot and I don’t mind helping people out. Besides, to quote High School Musical, ‘We’re all in this together’.” Michael paused, biting his lip. “You don’t have to go through all of this on your own.”

Rich stayed quiet for a moment before tears started to fall.

“Oh, _shit_!” Michael exclaimed standing and moving to be beside Rich’s bed. “I’m sorry! Did I say something wrong or-”

“No,” Rich sniffed, looking up at Michael with large tears in his eyes. “That’s just the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.”

Michael was taken aback and lapsed into a small silence. _The nicest thing?_

“Sorry,” Rich apologized, trying to wipe tears away. “It’s just-I don’t know. While I had a squip, people didn’t look at me like I was another person. They looked up to me, I guess. And I felt like I was better than them, yet so much worse because I had a hack that no one else had. I just didn’t feel human after a while and to hear that from you-” Rich paused to sniff and blink. “I just-it makes me feel normal. Even though nothing about this is normal.”

“I get it,” Michael nodded, slightly understanding what Rich was explaining.

“Sorry, I’m just emotional, I guess. Jesus, I must look so pathetic to you right now.”

“No, believe me, I’ve done my fair share of crying and I think it’s better for you to let it out now.”

“Aha,” Rich gave Michael a small smile, even though tears were streaming from his eyes still. “You’re such a good person.”

“I’m inclined to disagree with you there,” Michael replied.

Rich gave Michael a look of disbelief.

“I was a really, really shitty person when I was young,” Michael stated. “Like, I was a _brat_. And no one wanted to be around me. One time, I hit my mom and called her a bitch after she got me a really expensive controller, just because I didn’t like the color.”

Rich shook his head. “You’re lying.”

“I’m not! I swear! My mom sat me down and grounded me. She told me that I was privileged to be able to receive such a gift and that I should be thankful. She, also, banned me from video games and TV for two weeks. I was forced to read books and talk with my family, and then I think that’s when I realized that I really shouldn’t be such a piece of shit.”

“Thanks, Michael’s mom.”

“Yeah, she’s pretty sweet.”

Rich sniffed again, his tears starting to clear up. “Thanks, dude. Sorry for that whole breakdown thing. I normally do that shit alone.”

“Me too. I’ve gotten plenty of panic attacks in public settings, so, I understand that you just kinda gotta let it out.” Michael internally punched himself. He just confessed to his high school bully that he has anxiety. Michael hopes karma will swing his way and hopefully, he doesn’t end up mortified in front of the whole school.

“Yeah,” Rich replied. “I’m, um, gonna take a page out of Jeremy’s book and nap, I guess.”

Michael’s eyes lit up. “Was that intentional?”

“Uh, what?”

“That pun. A page out of Jeremy’s book. Jeremy was reading a book when he fell asleep.”

“Oh my God.” Rich facepalmed while Michael burst out into giggles.

“That is the best unintentional thing I have ever heard,” Michael struggled to say in between his laughing fit.

“You guys are rubbing off on me,” Rich groaned as he moved down in his bed. “I hate everything.”

“You didn’t even mean to make the pun and you did!” Michael stated, still laughing. “That’s insane! You’re a pun genius and you didn’t even mean to be!”

“Night, Michael.” Rich threw the covers over him and turned his head away from Michael’s shaking form.

“Your puns are really…. _rich_.”

“Fuck you, Mell.”

“Well, I don’t know you that well, but if you do give me a good price-”

“I swear to anything that holy, I will smite you, Michael Mell, if you continue that sentence.”

“Alright, alright,” Michael was still beaming when he sat back down on his stool and pulled his computer back up.

It was quiet for a beat before Michael shattered it by asking, “Hey, Rich, do you really want to pay me back?”

“Yeah,” Rich responded, turning his head to look at Michael.

“Pay Jeremy two hundred dollars,” Michael demanded. “I know you ran a cost of six hundred for a squip, but Jeremy paid four hundred. So, I’m asking for half of the price.” Michael stopped, hoping his reasoning was suitable. “If you hadn’t introduced him to all to squip shit, this wouldn’t have happened, so you owe him more than you owe me.” Michael paused again, his eyes fixating on the keys of his computer. “You don’t have to pay him all at once or in one big sum, just make sure he gets two hundred dollars at some point.”

“Okay,” Rich nodded.

“Are you sure?” Michael looked up. “Because I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable or like it’s impossible. I could lower the money-”

“Michael,” Rich interrupted. “It’s fine. Two hundred is completely doable. I’ll make sure Jeremy is paid.” Rich smirked, causing Michael to feel a small amount of tension release. “Thanks again. Now, night.”

“Night,” Michael replied, focusing back down on his computer.

Rich was snoring after a few minutes, not being loud enough to stop Michael’s work.

* * *

Michael closed his laptop, propped his glasses atop his head, and rubbed his eyes. He grumbled a little, trying to wake himself up. He had gotten a lot done and most likely wouldn’t have a huge amount of homework to do, as if he would actually do it.

“You alive?” Jeremy’s soft voice called out.

“J!” Michael exclaimed, blinking rapidly and looking towards the bed. “You’re awake.”

“I’ve been awake,” Jeremy hummed with a small smirk. His book was in his hands as he looked towards Michael.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I wasn’t doing anything really important.”

Jeremy retaliated Michael’s statement with a stern look. “You were doing schoolwork.”

“Eh,” Michael shrugged.

“ _Michael_.” Jeremy’s tone made Michael have a devious smile.

“You sound just like a dad,” Michael stated, putting his laptop away.

Jeremy folded his arms and gave Michael another disappointed look.

“Alright, _dad_ ,” Michael shrugged while he out pulled out his phone and a bundle of earbuds. Michael abruptly halted, looking up and at Jeremy. “Make a daddy joke, please.”

“Michael, _no_ ,” Jeremy groaned, shaking his head.

“Michael, _yes_ . And Jeremy, _yes!_ ”

Jeremy just sighed and opened his book back up.

“Dude, I set you up perfectly for it, come on.”

“I’m not entertaining your daddy kink, Michael.”

“Alright. Shut your dickhole, Jeremy. You are _actually_ a furry, so don’t start.”

“I AM NOT A FURRY.” Jeremy slammed his book beside him, glaring at Michael as his skin turned into a soft red.

“Cool your jets,” Michael managed to gasp out in between quiet laughter. “Rich is trying to sleep.”

“I’m not a furry,” Jeremy repeated, a lot calmer than the last time.

“You’re still blushing and I’m always right, so we both know where the truth lies.”

Jeremy huffed and folded his arms once again, his eyes darting away from Michael’s form.

Michael started untangling the wires of earbuds and hummed to himself. He was about halfway through the song when Jeremy asked, “Why do you need earbuds? You have headphones right on your person.”

“Um, because I thought we could kick back and watch some killer youtube videos together,” Michael replied, focusing back on the never-ending problem at hand. Jesus, would these things ever just fucking untangle?

“Oh,” Jeremy’s interest looked peaked as his eyebrows shot up with his statement.

“You’ve been missing out on some really good Achievement Hunter shit.” Michael tugged on an earbud and all he did was tighten some knot. “The new GTA stuff and Shenanigans are hilarious. We should watch a compilation or something, even though those are like hours long.”

“You’re all caught up?”

“Um, of course?” Michael frowned when he pulled on a wire and it ended up snagging onto another knot. “I’m going to watch the boring videos and inform you of the quality content.”

“But, what if _I_ want to watch the boring videos?”

“Um, go do it on your own time? Do it later? I am not having another Uno the Movie night with you.”

Jeremy chuckled at that. “Uno the Movie was amazing and you loved it.”

“The ending was hilarious, but God it was long.”

“That’s why it’s a movie.”

Michael yanked on a different wire, and he ended up with the same conclusion. “I am done. I give up. These headphones have bested me.”

“Give them here,” Jeremy offered his hand. “Maybe I can untangle them.”

Michael handed over the twisted mess in his hands, that he most likely only made worse, and watched Jeremy inspect it. Jeremy then plucked cautiously at the wires, slowly drawing each one that he chose out. After a few moments of silence and careful movements, the headphones unfolded perfectly.

“How?” Michael asked in awe of Jeremy’s ability.

“I’m headphone untangle man,” Jeremy remarked, smiling as he handed Michael the earbuds.

“I mean, you are exactly like a noodle, so you should be in sync with all things like them.” Michael plugged in the newly unraveled headphones and opened up his youtube app. “So, what do you want to watch? Off Topic, Schooled season 2, Shenanigans, Jeremy kicking Gavin’s desk in half-?”

“Jeremy did _what_?!” Jeremy’s bewildered tone instantly notified Michael of the video they were watching.

“He ax kicked Gavin’s desk and _wooo_ _boy_.” Michael scooted his stool to Jeremy’s side. Leaning over the bed’s bars, he offered an earbud to Jeremy. “You wanna see what happened?”

“ _Yes_.” Jeremy quickly swiped the earbud and set it in his ear. He leaned over slightly to watch with hungry eyes what was on Michael’s phone.

([ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=edvpnfvmEYU ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=edvpnfvmEYU))

They watched the video for a few seconds before Jeremy interrupted, “Wait, pause it.”

Michael complied and looked over at Jeremy. “What’s up?”

“This is such an uncomfortable position,” Jeremy stated, slipping the earphone out of his ear and shuffling away from Michael. After a few slow scoots, he patted the empty space and looked at Michael. “Get on up here.”

“Jeremy,” Michael started, his stomach suddenly becoming uneasy.

“Get up here,” Jeremy’s tone became more demanding. “I’m not taking no for an answer.”

“That’s really gay, J.” Michael was still hesitant, Jeremy still didn't _know_.

“No homo, but get your ass into my hospital bed so we can watch youtube videos together.”

“Now, I can’t argue against no homo.” Michael hopped into the bed, being careful and making sure that he didn't crush Jeremy by accidentally sitting on him. He lowered himself into the space, staying close the bars around the bed. Once Michael was situated to a position, Jeremy moved closer and put back in the earphone.

“Alright, you can start it again,” Jeremy hummed. He ended up leaning into Michael, his head resting softly on Michael’s shoulder.  Michael’s stomach fluttered and he tried to calm his erratic breathing.

This was _not_ expected. Never in a million years would Michael ever picture Jeremy, a very Straight™, curled into his shoulder in a hospital bed while Rich Goranski, their past bully, was napping only a few steps away.

“That desk is going to get _hammered_ ,” Jeremy’s small comment pulled Michael out of his overactive mind and back to the video at hand. “If Gavin can barely stand on it….”

“ _If you go through, I’ll catch this.”_

“He’s not gonna catch it, will he?” Jeremy’s voice sounded less like a question and more like a statement.

“No spoilers,” Michael replied, wanting to shrug but he didn’t want to disrupt Jeremy’s position.

“ _It won’t go through. It’s not gonna go through.”_

_“This is a blanket-”_

Little J’s foot connected to the desk and everything crashed to the ground.

“He didn’t catch it!” Jeremy groaned, visibly frustrated.

Michael just chuckled and slid down to make Jeremy a little more comfortable. Jeremy curled into Michael’s side, his head ending up on Michael’s chest. Michael’s right arm had been officially restricted and all he could was prop up his phone an insignificant amount. And though his view was obstructed by Jeremy’s soft brown curls, Michael didn’t want to move or mess up the position that they had created.

“Here, gimme that,” Jeremy’s hand brushed against Michael’s right hand.

Michael almost dropped the phone.

“Dude, your arm is going to fall asleep if you keep it like this.”

Michael can’t help but agree. He let Jeremy take his phone, handing it off with cautious hands. He then snaked his arm out from between them and hesitated on where to put it next. Around Jeremy? No, that would be _way_ too gay. Um, maybe fold it and rest it under his neck? That would probably make it fall asleep faster. Michael just ended up setting it straight out across the pillows.

“Oh my _God,_ ” Jeremy laughed. “Michael sounds like a dad. He’s so calm and then- _aha_!”

“You aren’t wrong,” Michael smirked.

The video finished with Jeremy and Michael snickering together at the end.

“Also, Jeremy is amazing and I love him,” Jeremy stated, clicking on another video.

“Only because he has your name,” Michael jokingly argued.

“Well, you like Michael.”

“Yeah, but you know who my favorite is.”

“I never said Jeremy was my favorite.”

“Oo, you got me there.”

Jeremy chuckled and then continued watching the new video. “We’re watching all the Shenanigans and you can’t tell me no.”

Michael exhaled, rolling his eyes. “Just make sure we’re starting at number one.”

They fell silent due to them being drawn into the video.

([ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=euwwOobEgRE ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=euwwOobEgRE))

“Oh God,” Jeremy groaned, burying his face into Michael’s side. Michael only laughed.

“Man, I miss Ray,” he remarked with a grin plastered on his face.

“Me too.” Jeremy continued to stay bunched in Michael’s form, only turning his head slightly. “But, I’m glad that he’s doing what he loves.”

“He’s bringing in bank, so fucking live your life, Narvaez.”

Michael felt Jeremy smirk through his sweatshirt.

Michael’s heart and stomach were filled with fluttering butterflies.

_Damn it, Jeremy Heere. You are going to kill me if you keep this up._

* * *

“Michael, wake up.”

Jeremy shook Michael’s arm, trying to get him awake.

“Mmmm?” Michael moaned, curling in on himself and rubbing his eyes.

“You fell asleep,” Jeremy stated. He had already wrapped Michael’s earphones up and his phone was at a mediocre 41%, but it was better than being dead. Jeremy grabbed Michael’s glasses which he had taken off after he realized Michael was out cold. “And you have to get to work.”

“Work..work...work…” Michael hummed, over and over, blinking his eyes to try and get used to the light. “Work…..WORK!” Michael sprung up, leaping over the side of the bed.

The noise woke up Rich, who mumbled something before starting to stretch.

“What time is it? Am I gonna be late? Where are my glasses?” Michael spouted, suddenly awake. “Probably answer the latter first.”

“Well, here’s your glasses,” Jeremy replied, holding them out. “It’s 4:53 pm and it takes you about 20 minutes to get to work from here, so you’ll be early if you leave now for your 5:30 shift.”

Michael ripped his glasses away from Jeremy and slid them on. “Oh my _God_ , can I marry you?” Jeremy held out Michael’s phone and earbuds, Michael grabbing them and shoving them into his bag. “You are literally an angel and you are the best.”

“It’s no big deal.” Jeremy felt his insides lift. “Now, go bring in that paper.”

“Gotta do it since I’m your sugar daddy,” Michael commented, checking his bag for everything. “I’ll be back tomorrow! Maybe I’ll have a special someone for a sleepy boy.”

“Hnn?” Rich’s audible mutter displayed his interest. “Who?”

“Well, that’s a secret. Bye, guys!” Michael zipped up his bag and slung it over his shoulder. He quickly hugged Jeremy, and in a flash, he was out of the room.

“He’s awesome,” Rich said.

“Yeah,” Jeremy smiled, looking at the closed door that Michael exited from.

“You’re so lucky,” Rich muttered, turning in his bed.

“Yeah.”

“You really care about him, don’t you?”

“Yeah.”

* * *

“Dude, thank you so much,” Jake’s voice was filled with excitement.

“It’s no big deal, man,” Michael responded, a hand on the wheel of his car. He gave a quick glance in the rear-view mirror and saw Jake looking out the window enthusiastically. Since it was the weekend, Michael had volunteered to bring people up to see Jeremy and Rich. Jake had practically thrown himself at Michael to go see Rich, especially since he couldn’t drive due to his legs. Michael didn’t mind taking Jake up one bit; Jake had never actually bullied him or Jeremy or _anyone_ for that matter. He had gotten popular due to him just having a nice smile, soft personality and a killer jawline (also, maybe he was a little infamous due to a number of girls he’d had sex with). And though he wasn’t the sharpest knife if the cupboard, he had a good head on his shoulders.

Michael actually liked Jake; when they worked together on a reading project, Jake helped in any way that he could and didn’t mind talking to him outside of class. Michael had to admit, he had a small crush on Jake freshman year, but he quickly got over it seeing how unattainable it was.

“So, how much should I pay you for gas money?” Jake asked.

“Jake, my man,” Michael replied. “You seriously don’t have to pay me anything. I was going up to the hospital anyway.”

“But, you’ve been taking care of Rich for me. And that’s, like, my job as best friend.”

“Really, it isn’t that big of a deal. It’s nice getting to know Rich and all. He’s cool. And besides, you’re still healing. You should be resting and trying to get schoolwork done.”

“You’re way too nice, dude. Like, I still remember you doing a bunch of work for our reading project back in the day. I felt like I didn’t do anything compared to you, but I was so grateful for how much effort you put into it.”

“You still remember that?!?”

“Of course!” Jake’s laugh was small and contained. “We were studying Of Mice and Men and you were the only one who knew the ending! How could I forget the day everyone was screaming when George killed Lennie and you just sat there shrugging.”

Michael chuckled, remembering. “Didn’t Madeline cry?”

“Yeah! And I was _pissed_! It was so uncalled for!”

“Well, no it wasn’t. The whole reason behind him dying was because he was getting a humane and peaceful death instead of being beaten and killed by Curley and the farmhands or getting taken to a mental hospital due to his obvious mental illness. Letting him die was something that had to happen within the novel, and it provided a good conclusion for the end.”

Jake was quiet until he said, “You actually _remembered_ all that shit?”

“I had to memorize every single presentation I was given, even if I could hold a script,” Michael explained. _Due to my crippling social anxiety_.

“Holy _shit_!” Jake yelled, surprising Michael. Michael was happy that he didn’t knock the steering wheel and send them to a spinning grave. “I knew you were a nerd but like, you’re an awesome...nerd.”

“Should I take that as a compliment?”

“Yes! Dude, are you good at, like, physics? Because that class is kicking my ass and I need help.”

“I mean, I can probably help you a little. I took it last year.”

“You’re _amazing_ , man.”

“I guess.”

“Seriously. I’m sorry I never got to know you and I regret that. You’ve been nothing but cool. I guess Jeremy’s pretty lucky to have you.”

“Not really.” Michael’s stomach flipped a little at the latter statement. “He’s done a lot for me, so I’m just paying him back.”

“Still. You’re pretty tight, dude.” Jake paused, his eye was caught by something out of the window. “And I guess we all owe you for saving us from the….things.”

“You don’t, really. I….It was more selfish of me than anything. I really only wanted to save Jeremy, I guess.”

“But, you saved us _all_ , which is so _awesome_.”

“Yeah,” Michael whispered, smiling to himself. “I guess it is.”

It was silent after that, only the soft sounds of music from the radio could be heard. Michael continued to drive as his mind stirred with huge thoughts, mostly thinking about what Jake had made clear. He had “saved” them from the whole squip thing with him bringing his Mountain Dew Red and all. He had done it to save Jeremy and indirectly helped the whole lot of them. Which was weird.

Michael wasn’t a hero or protagonist. He had often viewed himself as a sidekick. He was the hero’s best friend that psyched him up when they went to the final battle. He was the guy that would help the hero get home after they were drunk or high and help when the hero was on his last leg by throwing them a healing item. He was the one who played comic relief by making shitty jokes or questioning the villain. He was the goofy-faced one that looked like he came straight out of an old Disney cartoon.

He wasn’t the crazy built hero that had a jawline like a blade or chest hair that burst from his clothes. He didn’t have the butt chin or the meaty voice to exclaim, “I shall save the princess!”. He wasn’t suave or perfect or handsome.

He was nerdy, pudgy, and anxious. With glasses thicker than textbooks.

He wasn’t Superman or Batman or Ironman or even Deadpool.

He was Michael Mell. A teenaged bag of anxiety, poor eyesight, drugs, and gaming. He had a pac-man tattoo and a sweatshirt full of patches that he thought was cool.

But, in a sense, maybe he had actually saved the day.

“We’re here!” Jake exclaimed when Michael pulled into a parking spot. “I can’t wait to see Rich and tell him all about what’s going on at school.”

Michael locked the car behind them as they walked in, Jake still spouting stuff about what he was going to tell Rich as he moved along on his crutches. They entered the hospital and headed to the front desk.

“Hey, Michael,” a receptionist greeted when the two were close to the desk. “The two are still in their room.”

“I have a keycard I gotta deliver as well,” Michael stated, holding up a card.

“I can take it to her office for you.” Michael handed over the rectangular keycard over to her.

“Thank you, Mrs. Wendelken,” Michael replied. “Have a good day!”

“You too, Michael.” The woman smiled as Michael and Jake walked to the elevator.

“Dude, do you know her?” Jake asked, surprise in his tone.

“Of course, I know the whole staff,” Michael responded. The elevator dinged and the doors slid open. Michael let Jake hop in first before stepping in and clicking their floor number.

“How? Are you here _that_ often?”

Michael chuckled. “Well, yes and no. I knew most of the staff before.”

“Dude, you are a mystery.”

“I like to keep it that way.”

The elevator dinged again as they stopped moving and the doors opened up. They passed by nurse station, which was bustling with different people. Michael and Jake hobbled on by, moving down the hallway past a lot of doors. Jake looked all around them taking in the place, while Michael walked on by.

They stopped at an open door. “I’ll go in first and prep Rich,” Michael said. “You can hang back here until I introduce you.”

Jake nodded, a large grin breaking out on his face.

Michael headed through the door. “Good morning, you two.”

“Michael!” Jeremy proclaimed.

“Morning, Michael,” Rich huffed from his bed. “You’re late.”

“I was picking up the surprise guest,” Michael shrugged, looking over towards Jeremy’s bed.

And there beside Jeremy was Christine Canigula.

“Good morning, Michael,” she beamed, her voice way too perky for a weekend morning.

“Hey, Christine,” Michael replied. “I didn’t see you there.” He didn’t like how his stomach fell and his heart ached. Christine Canigula. Jeremy’s uber crush that he had obtained during the second semester of freshman year.

The girl he could never compete with.

“I was just checking in on everyone,” she informed. “And I wanted to make sure Jeremy and Rich were doing okay after all of the stuff that happened. Today was really the only day I could do it because my mom’s not working so I have her car.”

“You can always ride up with me if you don’t have a car or anything,” Michael offered. “Besides, I’m up here every day.” If he could get Christine up here more often, that means Jeremy might be securing a date to their winter formal or as Jeremy’s dad called it ‘Sadie Hawkins Dance’. Then, Jeremy wouldn’t have to worry about asking her out, due to her having to ask him.

Jeremy Heere goes to a dance with the girl that he’s always wanted.

And sure, Michael will be at home all alone probably getting high, but he wouldn’t be going to the stupid dance anyway.

Michael almost missed Jeremy’s startled look.

“Really? I might have to take you up on that offer,” Christine replied, scratching her neck.

“Yeah, I’m offering it to anyone who needs it,” Michael stated. “Which reminds me, Rich-”

“Huh?” Rich made a noise, looking interested.

“There’s someone who came specifically for you,” Michael smiled. “May the special guest make themselves known.” Michael motioned to the door.

“JAKEY D?!” Rich yelled as Jake hopped in the room.

“Richy Rich!” Jake responded.

“Oh my GOD! Michael!” Rich was absolutely beaming, his smile brightening the whole room with the intensity.

Jake moved over to Rich’s bed and Michael moved a chair over with him. “Don’t thank me,” Michael stated. “He was the one who forced me to drive him here to see you.”

“I’d hug you,” Rich informed. “But, I can’t move that well and you’re on crutches, so I don’t think it’d work out.”

“True,” Jake agreed, sitting down and letting Michael take his crutches. “It’s been, like, weeks since I’ve seen you. I have to tell you all the shit that happened, man.”

“Real quick, I’m so glad you’re here,” Rich said. “And since I haven’t talked to you before the whole play thing that removed the computer, _I’m bi_.”

“Dude, I know,” Jake chuckled. “You looked straight at me and said it while you were high on painkillers. Then, you kept chanting it when I stopped back in to check on you and show you my sweet leg casts.”

“Well, not _straight_ at you,” Rich remarked.

“Michael, what did you _do_ to him?” Jeremy groaned.

“Nice one, Rich,” Michael shrugged with a satisfied expression.

“Thanks, man,” Rich responded. “Wait, you’re cool with that?”

“Be whoever you wanna be,” Jake stated. “I don’t care. As long as you’re happy, I’m happy.”

“You’re awesome, Jake,” Rich breathed.

“I know, right?” Jake smiled. “Also, your lisp is so cool man.” Rich’s cheeks reddened and Michael’s eyebrows raised.

Something told him that Rich had realized he was bi for a reason. And that reason was right in front of them.

“Now, we gotta talk about the shit that’s going on,” Jake started. The two became deep in conversation about coaches and sports and all the other stuff that Jake had already rambled about to Michael.

“Michael,” Jeremy called Michael over.

“What’s up, dude?” Michael stepped over to Jeremy’s bed, hoping he wasn’t being too much of a bother.

“The doctor came in earlier and told me I’ll be out in, like, a day or two,” Jeremy said with elation and a large grin.

“Really?” Michael asked, breaking out into a smile as well.

Jeremy nodded furiously.

“Dude,” Michael started. “A night full of video games and 90’s soft drinks?”

“Don’t forget the best part,” Jeremy responded.

“Super greasy pizza that will probably make me even more unhealthy than I already am,” Michael finished.

They fist bumped and Christine giggled, looking between the two.

“I’ll probably head out for a little,” Michael stated. “Jaslene left her badge at home, again. Guess who’s being the best and bringing it up here for her.”

“Jaslene!” Jeremy huffed, jokingly. “She really needs to get more organized.”

“I know,” Michael rolled his eyes. “And I should just stop by her office and leave her a note or something because she’s still worried that I have so many STD’s from my vast amount of girlfriends.”

“So many, man,” Jeremy hummed.

“You guys are such good friends,” Christine commented. “How do you do it?”

“Copious amounts of-” Michael paused, trying to replace the usual joke, ‘sex’, for something more appropriate. “ _Friendship._ ”

“And time,” Jeremy added with a small amount of awkwardness. “We’ve been friends for, like, twelve years?”

“I don’t remember,” Michael shrugged. “All I can remember is seeing you outside one day wearing a Mario T-shirt, going up to you and saying ‘I like your shirt.’ And then we became the bestest of friends.”

Christine smiled at that. “Wow, you guys are so cute. I wish I had a friend like you, Michael.”

“People keep saying that to me and I have no idea why,” Michael replied. “I’m such a terrible friend. For example, I almost let Jeremy drown in a swimming pool when we were twelve.”

“What?” Christine chuckled at the absurd statement. “I feel like there’s a huge story behind this.” There was a small buzz and Christine quickly pulled out her phone. “Aw, dang it. It’s going to have to wait. My dad wants me home now.” She stood up and glanced at the door, her eyes slightly nervous. “I gotta go. Um, maybe I can come up again and talk to you more, Jeremy?”

“That would be, um, fine,” Jeremy replied. “Have a safe trip home.”

“Hey, I can walk you out,” Michael offered. “I gotta go to the first floor and I know how easy it is to get lost here.”

“Thank you so much,” Christine responded. “It’s my first time here and I needed a nurse to get here.”

“Um, real quick,” Michael tossed down his bag and shuffled through. “Uh, Jeremy, I know you haven’t been sleeping. So, I broke into your house again-there it is.” Michael pulled out a small tattered brown bear stuffed animal. “And I got you this old thing.”

Jeremy’s eyes brightened. “ _Where did you find this_?” He squealed in joy, grabbing the animal from Michael. “He’s so old and smells just like….How? Michael, you’re awesome.”

“Sorry, to embarrass you in front of Christine and Rich,” Michael shrugged while his cheeks darkened slightly.

“I still sleep with a stuffed animal, so please,” Christine remarked with a small grin.

“ _Michael_ ,” Jeremy whispered. “Thank you.” Jeremy’s long arms were suddenly wrapped around Michael, pulling him down to the bed.

“I know he’s a remedy for sleep,” Michael mumbled in Jeremy’s ear. “And also, girls love sappy stuff so I decided to bring him out and-”

“Dude,” Jeremy muttered. “I owe you so much and I can’t believe you thought of me that much. _Thank you_.”

“It’s no problem,” Michael replied, his stomach flipping while his heart had palpitations. Jeremy let go of their slightly awkward hug, due to Michael having to bend down while Jeremy was stretching up with all his might. “Let’s go, Christine!”

“Alright!” Christine responded while Michael marched to the open door.

And Michael’s heart felt so good, for some reason.

Jeremy’s smile was the best thing in the world.

* * *

“Night, guys,” Michael hummed, standing to leave the room.

“Night, Michael!” Jeremy replied. “Thanks for bringing my bear!”

“Thanks for bringing Jakey D this afternoon,” Rich responded. “That was honestly the best thing ever.”

“I’ll see you all tomorrow,” Michael smiled. “And honestly, you two, it’s no big deal.” Michael slung his backpack over his shoulder and headed out. “See ya!”

“Bye,” Rich said.

“Later!” Jeremy stated.

A thick silence built up in the room before Rich said, “Hey, goodnight, Jeremy.”

“Goodnight to you too, Rich,” Jeremy responded.

He gripped the old artifact he had once called “Beary” and laid down to sleep.

With the soft smell of weed and small visions of his friends in his head, Jeremy’s head hit the pillow in record time.

And his nightmares weren’t nightmares.

They were _dreams_.

Dreams of Christine dancing with him in a large ballroom as she sang on about Shakespeare. Dreams of Rich tugging him through the halls of a castle talking about Japan. Dreams of his dad driving him to some place that he’ll never remember.

And then Michael was there.

Steady and _perfect_.

Holding his bear.

And then sitting next to him with a hand on Jeremy’s shoulder as Jeremy lay sleeping.

Michael was holding him to the ground, protecting him from the incoherent yelling that sounded like the squip. Michael was there, dressed in an armor of red, defending him from the thoughts that weren’t his or that hurt too much. Michael was there holding him through all the harm that he had caused to himself and others.

Michael smelled softly like weed, but also like the detergent that his mom used. Flowery and bright and warm and like a soft spring day.

Michael was all of those things and more.

And with the knowledge of that,

Jeremy slept for the whole night.

Soundly.

Steadily.

_Perfectly_.


	2. holding out for better weather

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, first off, I'm sorry that it took me like a month to upload another chapter, but each chapter is like 19 pages so...  
> It's only supposed to be like 7 chapters long and I have a good rough outline, but jesus it takes a while to actually write it.  
> THIS CHAPTER HAS SO MUCH DIALOGUE like it felt a little excessive at points. I SWEAR I DONT JUST WRITE DIALGOUE I CAN WRITE MORE AHHHHH.  
> In this chapter:  
> -some nice boyf riends bants  
> -some nice rich and jer friendship  
> -some good dad  
> -some angst  
> -some questioning
> 
> also, thank you for all the support that you guys have been giving me! It really helps me continue to write so, if you're feeling like it, you can kudos and comment I guess!  
> I really hope you guys like this chapter and I'll try and speed up the next few. I might have to cut things that I want, but I will try my hardest to entertain y'all.  
> happy reading!

**Chapter 2- holding out for better weather**

 

_And I know that you're holding out for better weather_

_And I can't promise you that I'll be round forever_

_If there's one thing I know it's that we're good together_

_(If there's one thing I know it's that we're good together)_

* * *

 

“And please sign here, Mr. Heere.”

“Of course.” Jeremy’s dad signed the paper, the scratches of the pen becoming the sounds during the lapse of conversation.

Jeremy just looked around the hospital in slight awe. He had forgotten that the hospital wasn’t just one room in one hallway, but instead, it was a huge building with so many lives lurking inside. Not only the patients but the nurses and doctors and surgeons and staff and more. It was almost too much for him.

“Um, dad?” Jeremy asked, tugging on his dad’s sleeve to get his attention.

“Yeah?” His dad looked over at him.

“I’m going to go run back and say goodbye to Rich,” Jeremy stated. “I think he’s up.”

“Okay,” Jeremy’s dad waved him off returning back to the paperwork. “Have fun.”

Jeremy turned on his heel and made his way back down the hallway. He easily remembered the room and headed quickly through the door.

“I almost thought you died,” Rich said when Jeremy walked in. “I actually got concerned.”

“I wanted to say goodbye,” Jeremy shrugged, moving over to Rich’s bed.

“Heh, good bi,” Rich chuckled with a small smirk on his face. “It’s me.”

“Rich,” Jeremy groaned.

“Sorry.” Rich shrugged but his lips changed to a guilt-ridden smile. “I’m not actually, but I gotta be nice to you. After all, you did help save all of us, even though you were the reason a lot of the group was squipped.”

Jeremy diverted his eyes and ascended his shoulders, looking and feeling ashamed.

“Man, don’t be like that,” Rich replied. “They’ve all forgiven you. All you have to do is forgive yourself.”

“That’s gonna be a ride,” Jeremy hummed.

“Yeah,” Rich responded. “But, remember, you have Michael and you have me. So, you have some good backup if it gets to be too much.”

Jeremy smiled. “Thanks, Rich.”

“No problem, buddy.”

“And thank you for keeping me company while I stayed here. I, uh, hope we can stay friends?”

“Dude, of course. Besides, I’m practically doomed on the social ladder and you’re not that bad. But, Michael has to become my friend too because I need him to pamper me like pampers you.”

“Alright, I’ll see if he’s up for that.”

“Speaking of that, will he still be coming up here?”

“Knowing Michael, he won’t come up here every day like he’s been since I’m going to be going back to school and I need a friend. But, he’ll definitely be up every week and he’s here at odd hours randomly. You’ll see him around, I promise.”

“Okay. Awesome. Do you think he’ll bring Jake up again?”

“Um, he’ll probably bring Jake up as many times as Jake wants to come up. Michael doesn’t mind giving rides to people, mostly because he loves driving. Something about ‘freedom from the confines of home’ or something like that.”  

“That sounds like him.”

“Definitely.”

“Wow, he hung around us all the time. I feel less like he’s an acquaintance and more like he’s one of my friends. ”

Jeremy wondered why he felt a sudden wave of anger and--was that sadness?--roll down his spine. “I think Michael does that naturally.” That came out a little harsher than Jeremy intended.

“Do you think I can have his phone number?”

Okay, the wave that rippled through him was a little stronger. What was that and why was it happening to him?

“I want to text him shit to bring me if he’s up here,” Rich stated.

The wave subsided and Jeremy shrugged. “I dunno. I’d rather have him give you his number than give it out without his permission.”

“Wow, you’re a good friend,” Rich’s tone seemed incredulous. “Then, give me your number so I can complain to you about the staff since I can’t voice them to you anymore.”

“Wait, when did you get your phone?” Jeremy inquired.

“I had it in the ambulance with Jake. He took it from me there and held onto it for me. He forgot to give it back to me before he left the hospital, so when he came in with Michael he finally gave it back to me.” Rich held up a small iPhone 5 with a slightly cracked screen. “I know it’s not the latest piece of technology but it works well.”

“It has character,” Jeremy smiled fondly. He had always had a connection to old electronics. Maybe it was Michael’s 90’s nostalgia that had built on him, or maybe it was because he could barely work his new phone and always had to ask Michael how to use it. “I like it.”

“Nerd,” Rich stated, jokingly. “Now, gimme your number.”

“(609)-555-7236,” Jeremy listed. “And Heere is H-e-e-r-e.”

“I’m putting you in as Jerry, so..”

“ _Rich_.”

Rich only chuckled as he finished typing out Jeremy’s contact.

“I’m going to warn you, I might not reply for a while. I think I’m still grounded for the rest of the month.”

“I’ll continue to text you because I like ranting.”

“I’ll talk to Michael about giving you his number.”

“Thanks, man.”

There was a small moment of silence before Rich said, “Hey, um, really, thank you. Without you, I’d probably still be squipped or dead. And I owe you a lot. I’m sorry for kinda getting you into this whole thing, but I’m kinda glad I did because you saved me from the façade I was putting on. You’re a really cool person, Jeremy, and I’m so sorry for bullying you and making you feel bad. I’m glad that we’re friends. If I had known you freshman year, I think I probably would’ve been a way better person.”

Jeremy’s heart swelled. “I-I-I-I, um, Rich, I-”

“Dude, you alright?” Jeremy saw small tears in Rich’s eyes as Rich gave him a beaming smile.

“I’m so glad that we’re friends now, and thanks for keeping me company and for realizing how great you are. You’ve been really awesome while we’ve been stuck in this hospital together and I’m sorry I get to leave early. You’re, uh, a great guy without a squip. And I’m excited to be friends with you. Also, I guess I’m happy that you aren’t bullying me anymore.” And now Jeremy’s eyes were watering and his throat burned.

Wow, Rich’s crying was so infectious.

“Can you hug me, man?” Rich asked. “Because we’re having a moment and moments between bros always end in hugs.”

Jeremy laughed and bent down to hug Rich. Rich’s cast up arms wrapped around Jeremy, while they both just _hugged_. A former bully and a huge nerd, just hugging each other because they were now really good friends.

“I’m sorry I get to get out before you,” Jeremy said again as he stood up after their moment long hug.

“Dude, your injuries are not as gnarly as mine,” Rich responded.

“Gnarly?”

“Shut up. You’ve said worse, you actual dad.”

Jeremy only shook his head and turned to leave. “I’ll visit you, Rich.”

“Then I’ll see you around, Jeremy.”

“Bye!”

“Bye.”

As Jeremy left, he felt a small bit of sadness creep up his stomach.

He was going to miss Rich.

It was an odd feeling, to say the least. If you had told him a month ago that he would be best friends with his former bully, had a cohesive conversation with his longtime crush and his dad was now wearing pants as well as being a good father, Jeremy would have laughed and called you crazy.

But, here he was. With a new friend.

Jeremy Heere was now friends with Richard Goranski.

It sounded like something out of a cheesy comedic movie.

“You have everything, Jeremy?” His dad’s question made Jeremy look up.

“Uh, yeah,” Jeremy shrugged. “I think so.”

“Then, let’s head on out.” His dad thanked the staff as they walked out the building.

Their small walk to the car was silent.

Jeremy didn’t know if he should say something or mention anything. Should he start the conversation? Or should he wait for his dad to start asking questions? He didn’t believe in squips before but maybe since Jeremy was hospitalized-

The car unlocked and Jeremy clicked open the door.

“Hey, dad,” Jeremy started when they both settled in their seats. “I’m sorry.”

“Why?” His dad looked over to him and Jeremy couldn’t meet his eye.

“I-what-um-what I said to you,” Jeremy stumbled, trying to find the rapidly disappearing words. “Before me being in the hospital and the whole play thing at school…..It was really rude and frankly just outright mean. I just said a lot of things that have been all bottled up and I don’t think I meant it to come out that way. I-I really am sorry.”

“Jeremy,” his dad hummed, putting a hand on his shoulder. Jeremy looked up and felt a true connection with his father for once. “I needed to hear it. And though it tore me apart, finding you in the hospital unconscious with no knowledge of what hurt you, it made me realize that your voice and your feelings are so important. If I had paid better attention to you, maybe that would’ve never happened. But, it did. And you’re right here with me. Alive and well.”

Jeremy felt his stomach stop rolling as his fears were dismissed.

“You mean the world to me, Jeremy,” his father continued. “And I’m sorry that I’ve just been so out of it after your mom. I should’ve been taking better care of us and for that, I apologize. It was unhealthy for both you and me.”

“Dad-”

“My sabbatical is almost over, which means I won’t be spending as much time at the house, okay? I will be traveling a little bit more to make up for lost time, but I will be keeping in touch with you. This is going to be new for the both of us because I’m bringing down the rules. We’re going to have structure and order, which is going to be very experimental.”

“I’m still grounded, aren’t I?”

“I’d like to say yes, but you’ve been through a lot. A week in the hospital is a pretty big deal. When the doctors told me the injuries, I thought you’d actually be in for longer. But, you healed up well and you’re ready to leave. And with all that, I think I’ll let you slide on your grounding. But, don’t think that I’m forgetting about the rules.”

“You’re awesome, Dad,” Jeremy wrapped his arms around his dad, the center console making the angle a little awkward, but it didn’t stop them.

They hugged for a moment. A little suspension in their lives of just a moment together. Jeremy breathed, finally realizing the expense of what he had done. His dad had been worried about him, Michael had been worried about him, and he had just blown them off effortlessly all to try and win over Christine, who was way too down to earth to impress with popularity. Her jokes and smiles and movements and words had all been indicators of that, yet Jeremy was too blinded by adoration that he destroyed himself and his relationships just to attain the attention of a nice girl.

God, he was an idiot.

“Alright,” Mr. Heere hummed, patting Jeremy’s back. “We gotta head home now.”

Jeremy just nodded and let go. He looked out the window as the car started, looking the Beth Israel for the last time. They rolled out of the parking lot and Jeremy fiddled with the radio. They ended on 80’s, only because “Karma Chameleon” came on and Jeremy’s dad started singing along to it. Jeremy joined in after a verse.

And it felt good.

Which was relieving.

* * *

It rained while they were on the highway heading home.

The radio played “I Can't Make You Love Me” by Bonnie Raitt, after being shifted to the 90’s. The somber electric piano and whisper-like drums set a thick mood to the car interior while raindrops speckled the window.

Jeremy sighed, wondering why his lungs felt heavy and his body wanted to curl up in a ball. His stomach sank as he absorbed the lyrics with the music.

 

“ _Turn down the lights_

_Turn down the bed_

_Turn down these voices inside my head_

_Lay down with me_

_Tell me no lies_

_Just hold me close, don't patronize_

_Don't patronize me_

 

_‘Cause I can't make you love me if you don't_

_You can't make your heart feel something it won't_

_Here in the dark, in these final hours_

_I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power_

_But you won't, no you won't_

_'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't._ ”

 

Jeremy wondered why the words soothed his soul, stroking his heart.

But, his eyes slipped closed instead.

He fell asleep to the soft chords and Bonnie’s melodious vocals.  

* * *

“Good morning, sunshine. The world says hello.”

Jeremy’s dad’s words woke Jeremy.

“Woah,” He mumbled, scratching his eyes and yawning as he awoke. “Are we home?”

“Yep,” his dad had a small happy tone to his answer. “You need a minute to wake up?”

“No, no,” Jeremy shook his head and blinked rapidly, clearing his eyes. Though his head was still a little fuzzy from a nap, he got himself out of the car and walked into the house.

He did not expect a sign in the kitchen saying ‘Welcome Home, Jeremy’.

He did not expect a small ice cream cake to be on the counter.

He did not expect Michael to pop up beaming.

He did not expect anything, yet there was a celebration right in front of him.

He screamed and Michael burst out into laughter.

“Oh my God, your face!” Michael gasped out between laughs.

“Jesus, Michael,” Jeremy muttered, rubbing his face.

“I invited him over,” Jeremy’s dad stated from behind Jeremy. “This was his idea of a small coming home party, even though I told him you hated surprises.”

“Oh, he _knows_ that,” Jeremy grumbled.

“I couldn’t help myself, J,” Michael grinned, finally reigning in his laughter. “As your best friend, I’m using exposure therapy to help out this fear of yours.”

“No, you just wanted to see me scream,” Jeremy retorted. He made his way through the kitchen and sat on one of the nearby barstools while his dad set his keys down.

“That was an added bonus,” Michael said, cheekily.

Jeremy just rolled his eyes, trying and failing to keep down a small smile.

“So, are we cutting the cake?” Jeremy's dad asked as he opened a drawer.

“Of course, Mr. Heere!” Michael chimed. “It should be melted enough to cut through.”

Jeremy’s father grabbed a cake cutter and popped off the top. Michael gripped a few plates from another drawer, as well as some forks.

“Get me a spoon, Michael,” Jeremy stated.

“That still irks me, man,” Michael replied, grumbling in protest as he set back a fork. “You use a _spoon_ to eat cake.”

“It’s ice cream cake,” Jeremy shrugged.

“What sized slice do you want, Jeremy?” His dad asked, interrupting the conversation.

“Um, medium-large,” Jeremy responded.

“I’ll take the rest of the cake,” Michael joked and then returned to their conversation. “But, you eat regular cake with a spoon. Like, why?”

“I just like to eat it that way?” Jeremy replied. He grabbed his plate of sliced cake along with the spoon Michael had given him. “What’s the big deal?”

“It’s _unnatural_ ,” Michael said. He took his slice and sat down next to Jeremy. “Cake. With a spoon? It’s solid and should be cut into by a fork.”

“Ice cream is solid,” Jeremy responded. “And you eat that with a spoon.”

“But it slowly turns into a liquid.”

“What about, uh, Jello?”

“Eh, it’s packaged like yogurt, so it should be eaten that way.”

“Really?”

“It’s just-it’s _cake_ ,” Michael emphasized. Jeremy’s dad settled with a slice and set the cake in the freezer. He leaned over the counter and ate his cake while the two boys bickered while they ate.

“We’re in America, Michael. I think I should be able to eat cake however I want.”

“Cake should be eaten with a fork. You’re using the wrong utensils.”

“This is an ice cream cake, so you should be eating it with a spoon and I’m not complaining.”

“You got me there. But, you did just say something about it so technically you complained.”

“Are you serious?”

“No, I’m Michael.”

“ _Oh my God_ ,” Jeremy groaned through his teeth and sighed. “I hate you so much.”

“Aw, don’t say that, especially for a person holding your cell phone,” Michael responded, pulling out the electronic device from his large sweatshirt pocket.

“What did you do to it?” Jeremy instantly asked as he lunged for it.

Michael held the phone away from Jeremy and laughed. “I didn’t do anything.”

“Your tone of voice has me concerned. Michael, what did you _do_?”

“Listen, I’ll give it back to you if you say that Michael Mell is the best person in the world.”

“Ugh, Michael Mell if the best person in the world. Now, give it back.”

“Say it like you mean it.”

“ _Michael_ _Mell is the best person on this earth and one of my greatest friends._ Now, please give me the phone.”

“Really? I am pretty great, huh,” Michael smirked as Jeremy glowered. “Alright, you can have it back.”

Michael handed Jeremy the cell phone and Jeremy quickly opened up his photos. “A twelve-minute long video?!? Oh my God, how many selfies did you put in here?”

“Just enough to fill up your storage,” Michael hummed, returning to his almost finished cake.

Jeremy went to open the messages, but his father interrupted. “Jeremy, we are eating. No phones at the table.”

“Yeah, Jeremy,” Michael chided. “No phones at the table.”

Jeremy grumbled and put his phone back in his pocket. He resumed eating after sticking his tongue out at Michael. Michael only chuckled in reply, eating the last forkful of his cake.

“So, Mr. Heere, did you see Jaslene?” Michael asked.

“I did not,” Jeremy’s dad replied. “Is she working right now?”

“Yeah, she’s been doing extra hours because my brother apparently _needs_ a new wardrobe,” Michael shrugged.

“Wow, what about you?” Jeremy said.

“Um, I already look awesome? Why are you asking?” Michael responded, sounding offended. “Do you not like my perfect style? Am I not good-looking enough to be hanging out with you?”

“You know I didn’t mean it like that,” Jeremy stated, not buying Michael’s front.

“Sure, Jeremy, sure,” Michael spat. A small smile emerging on his lips to show he was joking around.

“So she’s working for your brother’s sake?” Jeremy’s dad asked.

“Yes and no,” Michael answered. “She wants more money around the house and she’s very worried about my college funds.” Michael huffed, licking his lips. “She really hopes I can get a lot of scholarships since she spending quite a bit to get my brother through.”

“College isn’t like it used to be,” Jeremy’s dad sighed. “It’s terrible how much money you’re spending on vital education. It pressures parents to choose their children’s majors for the monetary sense.”

“You’re not going to force me into anything, right?” Jeremy asked.

“No,” his dad shook his head. “Definitely not. The reason why we have a big house and I’m able to easily pay the hospital bills is because of the struggle I had while choosing my path. No, you need to be your own person and follow your decisions.”

“Ugh, I wish,” Michael groaned. “My mom’s hoping that I ace AP Chemistry this year so she can throw me on the pharmacy route.”

“They make a lot of money,” Jeremy’s dad commented, taking everyone’s empty plates over to the sink. “And it’s a large field. There’s a lot of options for jobs so you aren’t specifically tied down to something. But, it’s a rough class load in college which means if you hate it, you won’t enjoy it. Are you looking to go for a doctorate?”

“My mom’s looking for it,” Michael responded. “She’ll only pay for my college if I go for pharmacy and for a doctorate. And maybe I can minor in something I want to do, but that’s questionable.”

“You staying in-state?”

“Probably. Rutgers is what we’re looking at.”

“Hm.”

“It has a good in-state tuition, but that’s leaving out the costs of dorms and living. I’m going to be getting a better job over the summer to raise money to help myself out.”

“So, you’re quitting your job at Walgreens?” Jeremy asked.

“Not until it’s August and senior year is starting up,” Michael replied.

“You’re working two jobs over the summer?”

“Yeah.” Michael shrugged with a small huff. “Listen, once you start paying for your own gas for your car, you can come to me and tell me I’m being unreasonable.”

“You’re going to work yourself into the ground. When are you going to be able to see me?”

“Wow, conceited much, Jeremy? And to answer your question, anytime. I’ll be pretty free most weekdays and I’m never taking a shift for any job on Sunday, so...”

“Where are you hoping to work?” Jeremy’s dad cut in.

“Jersey Mike's or maybe 7-Eleven,” Michael answered. “I hear Jersey Mike’s has good pay and is pretty flexible with their hours.”

“Wow, going into food,” Jeremy hummed.

“Yeah. I’ll bring you free subs so you should start thanking me.”

“So, when are _you_ going to start working, Jeremy?” Jeremy’s dad’s sly comment caused Jeremy’s eyes to widen while Michael snickered.

“I-uh-I dunno,” Jeremy answered, stumbling his way through his words.

“You should so get a job with me!” Michael exclaimed.

“Definitely not Jersey Mike’s,” Jeremy replied. “I can’t do food.”

“Dude, you’d be boss at Walgreens. We could totally have the same shift and stuff so your dad doesn’t have to worry about driving you all the time.”

“It would be optimal,” Jeremy’s dad added.

“I-I don’t know!” Jeremy replied, looking down and not wanting to think about jobs and the future and college and being an adult. He was only a junior. Which was one year away from being a senior.

Which was one step away from college.

“Alright, you two,” Jeremy’s dad hummed, setting the plates in the dishwasher. “You can go on and have fun downstairs.”

“Thanks, Mr. Heere. Last one downstairs is player two!” Michael shot up from his seat and raced over to the stairs to the basement.

Jeremy just sighed, standing up slowly. “Thank you, Dad. I didn’t expect anything when I came home. This is awesome.”

“It’s no problem, champ.”

His dad gripped him into a small hug for a moment before Jeremy rushed downstairs to be with Michael and yelling, “Love you!”

“Aw, thanks, J,” Michael stated already flopped over on a beanbag chair with a controller in his hand. “I didn’t know you cared.”

“Stop,” Jeremy huffed, jumping onto the other beanbag and reaching out to grab the other controller.

“So, what’s on task for tonight? Level 9? Or are we getting in a new game?” Michael asked.

“Probably Level 9. It’s been killing me that we haven’t beaten it, yet,” Jeremy responded.

His phone dinged.

“Who-?” Jeremy inquired, flipping out his phone.

 

**rich: (6:13 pm)**

 

dude please get me a cola slushie

 

“Why is Rich texting me about a Cola slushie?” Jeremy interrogated, looking at Michael.

“Well, Rich started texting your phone when you were on your way back,” Michael shrugged, shifting and lying on his back. “So, we started a conversation and I gave him my number but my battery was dead at that time so we talked about stuff.”

“What the fuck does vore mean?”

Michael shot up, chuckles escaping from his mouth. “You don’t know what _vore_ means?!?”

“I’m now very afraid of it.” Jeremy flicked out of the conversation and looked through his other messages.

“It’s like a thing? I mean, it’s an internet thing but like….” Michael’s explanation was lacking due to the nonstop laughter. “Like, swallowing living things whole? It’s weird in my opinion? But, y’know you do you, internet.”

“Why is _Christine’s_ number on my phone?” Jeremy asked urgently. “ _Michael_?”

“Dude, why are so worried?” Michael’s sly smiled caused Jeremy’s brain to freak out.

“What did you _do_ ? Will she hate me? What did you say? How did you even _get_ Christine’s number?”

“Calm down, worrywart.”

“Calm down? Calm _down_?! This is Christine Canigula! The girl that I ruined my whole life for and that I finally had a normal conversation with, in the hospital! If you fucked this all up-”

“Romeo, _relax_. I didn’t do anything except say, ‘Hi, this is Jeremy Heere. I got your number from Michael? Is that alright?’ Nothing more, nothing less.”

“Did she reply?”

“Not yet. I texted her like five minutes before you came home, so….”

“How did you get her number?”

“I walked her out of the hospital and since I offered her rides she said it would be easier to text or call her.”

“Oh my God.”

“I know, I’m the best wingman. And if you keep playing it my way, you’re totally gonna get her out on a date and to ask you to Snowball.”

“Holy shit, Michael.” Jeremy breathed. “You’re amazing. How do you do it?”

“Um, I just act like myself?”

“Yeah right.”

“I’m telling the truth, Heere.”

“Is that-?”

“Yep.”

“I’m making sure that you get eaten alive by zombies.”

“Aw, thanks, fam.”

* * *

 “If we play this level _again_ , I swear my eyes will be burnt to a crisp and my back will be permanently damaged.”

“I can’t believe we  _ still  _ haven’t  _ fucking  _ beat it,” Michael groaned, throwing his controller lightly and falling in his chair. “This is bullshit. Like, complete bullshit.”

Jeremy only sighed and cracked his neck. “I don’t know if we can finish this. Maybe it’s difficulty is too hard? Can you check the stats online?”

“Where’s your computer?” 

“All the way in my room.”

“God, you have to move your room to the basement so that I don’t have to climb two sets of stairs to get your shit.”

“I’ll go get it,” Jeremy grumbled, standing up and stretching his legs. “ _ Ow, ow, ow _ .” He winced as he walked to the basement door. “You want any snacks or drinks?”

“Your finest bag of pretzels and Sprite.” 

“Alright. Do you want me to try and sneak down some ice cream cake?”

“Nah, I’m afraid I’d eat it all.”

“Who are you? The real Michael would never pass up sugar. Are you, like, watching your weight or something?”

“Okay, fight me. And I’m sorry that my mom’s started to get on my ass about dieting and exercise.”

“We’ll continue this talk when I get back downstairs.”

The sound of a door closing ushered the beginning of Michael being left to his own devices. He yawned at first, stretching his arms and legs. His limbs collapsed as he looked around the basement. Jeremy often referred to it as the “Guest Cave” due to it being both a Man Cave and a guest room. 

The whole place was expansive and finished, with fluffy light brown carpet lining the floors and bland beige coloring on the walls. There was a small bar area that sat on cream colored tile and had dark counters, matching the color of the black mini fridge. The only thing stored in the few cabinets were water bottles, empty fancy liquor bottles and put together lego sets. Michael remembered coming over and helping Jeremy finish the large sets when they were younger.

A huge, ancient and ripped couch sat way behind the two beanbags in front of it. A large old TV had been placed on the wall of the basement stairs. Shelves under the TV held all of Jeremy’s consoles and games, as well as a few action figures. The harsh light from the TV accompanied with the still looping 8-bit soundtrack of the game cause Michael to groan.

He pushed himself up, rubbing his eyes from behind his glasses. He debated turning off the television, but instead only muted it. He scratched his head, remote in hand, as he fell back onto his beanbag.

Jeremy really needed to decorate. The place seemed empty with barren walls and not much furniture. Michael wondered if maybe he should get Jeremy a video game or movie poster to lighten the mood and make it less bare. Maybe if the place seemed more lively, Michael could stand being down there alone.

There was a running gag between the two that there was the ghost of Hitler in Jeremy’s basement, which was ironic due to Jeremy’s family being nothing but Jewish. 

The air conditioning unit kicked on, startling Michael. He had jumped in his seat and clutched his heart while exclaiming an audible gasp. He should’ve been used to the sounds of the house, due to how much time he spent there, but the air conditioner had always had it out for him. 

_ Definitely Hitler _ , Michael thought as he tried to snuggle into the chair.  _ Anti-semantic and homophobic _ .

The statement caused another train of thought to emerge.

He still hadn’t come out to Jeremy.

Sure, he wore a rainbow patch on his hoodie, but Jeremy didn’t know anything about LGBTQ+ culture. In Jeremy’s mind, the patches on Michael’s stuff were only a representation of what he thought was cool and everyone could admit, gay people are cool. 

Michael knew Jeremy didn’t care if Michael was gay, straight, ace, any sort of queer thing, but Michael didn’t have the balls to just come out and say it. He had only recently came out to his mom. It was a little rough at first, since his mother always envisioned him with a woman, but she took it easily in stride, after claiming that she subconsciously knew it the entire time. And Michael’s older brother knew since 8th grade, right when Michael had barely started to label himself that way.

He had started to talk with Jeremy about LGBTQ+ stuff during freshman year, hoping that maybe, just maybe, then he could form the words to say it. But every time he tried, they ended up getting swept up in the issues instead. 

Jeremy encouraged gay culture, even though he didn’t know that much about it. 

_ “They aren’t hurting anyone. So, why do people hate them?”  _ Michael remembered Jeremy asking one day. 

_ “Well, it’s against some people’s religion,”  _ Michael had responded with a shrug.

_ “That’s stupid. They just are loving whoever they want to love. Just leave them alone and let them live.” _

_ “Preach it.” _

Michael mumbled as he focused on a patch of the carpet. He just had to  _ tell _ him. At least before senior year. 

Jeremy deserved to know. 

And maybe then he could just talk about his unrequited crush. 

It had only lowkey started in 7th grade, but 8th grade and freshman year only served to multiply the feelings that he had. He got himself under control sophmore year, making himself completely shove down the feelings that he had. But then Jeremy had to go and fuck him over by constantly making “no homo” jokes and watching Achievement Hunter and then gushing over things and  _ GODDAMMIT I THOUGHT GOT OVER THIS CRUSH BUT IT JUST GOT EVEN MORE WORSE. _

He needed to tell Jeremy about the whole mess.

“Alright, I’m starting this conversation with you’re good-looking and your mom shouldn’t tell you that you aren’t,” Jeremy’s sudden voice slightly scared Michael.

“Geez, J,” Michael sighed after another small jump.

“Get out of your head and catch your Sprite,” Jeremy replied, tossing the can to Michael as he waltzed into the basement.

Michael snagged the flying can from the air and tapped the top before he cracked it open. “Cracking open a cold one with the boy,” he whispered before sipping the bubbly liquid.

“Stale meme,” Jeremy retorted, flopping beside Michael and opening a large bag of pretzel sticks. He set his thin laptop on the ground of his feet.

“Fight me.”

“Um, Denny’s parking lot. 2:30 am.”

“Busy then. Having auditions for a new best friend.”

“Excuse you.”

“I didn’t sneeze.” 

“That’s bless you.”

“Ew, religion. Get that out of here.”

“Okay, no, we’re getting back on topic.” Jeremy gripped a fist full of pretzels and turned to face Michael. “Is your mom really getting on you about your weight?”

“Only because she wants me to work out,” Michael shrugged, grabbing his own handful of pretzels. “Working out helps combat depression, she says. And since you’re a teenager with very impactful hormones, you need all the help you can get.”

“Well, only  _ you _ can decide when to work out and stuff.”

“I’m thinking I may start this summer.”

“What the  _ fuck _ happened to you?”

“Woah, calm your tits, J.”

“No! You once yelled at me for walking too fast to get us soda.”

“It was a jest.”

“Stop. You don’t-I-what the fuck happened while I was under the influence of...the  _ thing _ ?”

Michael’s stomach fell and he frowned. Jeremy couldn’t talk about the whole experience, which Michael understood completely. But, he really wanted Jeremy to let go of his problems. He knew Jeremy felt better after talking about the issues he was having. “Shit happened, Jeremy.”

Jeremy’s mouth pressed into a line. “We…..I….Are we going to talk about the party?”

“I think you want to.”

“Do you?”

The question caused Michael to sigh and sip his Sprite. “No...But I know I should.”

“We don’t have to if you aren’t comfortable-”

“Jeremy, it’s not going to help if we just sweep it under the rug.”

“I know, but-”

“We need to just get the elephant out of the room so we can just go back to being us.”

Jeremy’s eyes looked down at the bag of pretzels, not focusing on Michael. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m _ sorry _ . I’m  _ so sorry. _ I-I knew I hurt you. I knew I shouldn’t have said all of that, but, I-I don’t know. The…. _ thing _ ...was malfunctioning and I was terrified and I didn’t know what I was saying. I just shut down and panicked, I-I guess. I was an asshole. I think I just wanted to be left alone and not worry about all the things that were crashing down around me.” 

Jeremy paused while his leg jittered. “And I really didn’t expect you to forgive me the way you did. Like, you really shouldn’t have ever forgiven me. I was such a  _ dick _ . And you just, pretended like it didn’t happen? I never even asked you if you were caught in the fire or thanked you for helping me or  _ anything _ . Because I was just selfish and stupid, and really oblivious to how much you mean to me. Like, without you, I don’t think I’d be able to walk into school tomorrow and feel okay with returning to my old self. Without you, I would have never been able to get rid of the whole  _ thing _ .”

It was everything Michael needed to hear.

“So, thank you for all you have done for me, Michael.”

“All I really needed was a sorry,” Michael shrugged, blinking small tears away.

“But you deserved so much more.”

Michael’s heart melted. “That’s the gayest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“Wow, Michael!” Jeremy rolled his eyes and shouted with exasperation. “We were  _ having a moment _ .” 

“I’m sorry!” Michael replied, quickly wiping his eyes with his sleeve. “I, just, don’t know how to deal with confrontation and shit. You know that.”

“I do, but I just poured my heart out-wait, are you crying?” 

“No!” Michael retorted,  _ crying _ . 

“Shit, did I say something wrong?”

“No! No, no, it’s just my teenage hormone emotions kinda backlashing me,” Michael replied, sniffing and blinking the still forming tears from his eyes. “I just really needed to hear that. Hah.” 

“Michael.” Jeremy sounded hurt, which pained Michael’s chest. 

“Dude, I’d tell you if you hurt my macho man feelings.” Michael gave out a small laugh and then immediately sniffed. “God, wow. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. You’ve seen me in worse conditions.” Jeremy had moved from his beanbag and kneeled next to Michael’s. 

Michael looked away, trying to ignore the spilling tears. What the fuck was wrong with him? Geez, he didn’t drink this much water. “I don’t know what this is. Uh, God, wow, um-”

“Michael, these are called emotions,” Jeremy hummed, his eyes searching Michael’s face. 

Michael started to snicker with laughter, but with the tears and sniffs, it ended up sounding like sobs. “Oh,  _ God _ . I’m sorry. It sounds like I’m dying. I promise, I’m laughing.”

“Stop saying you’re sorry,” Jeremy tilted his head. “You’re not doing anything wrong.”

“Ah-ha,” Michael choked out. His hand covered his mouth as his throat burned. Oh,  _ now _ he was actually crying. He sniffed as he let out a few ragged sobs, his expression twisted. “Last time I thought that, you left me alone in a bathroom.”

Jeremy sucked in a breath and his eyes widened. “Michael-”

“Don’t worry about it, J.” Michael moved his face away, tucking his chin into his shoulder.

“No, I need to worry about this.” Jeremy grabbed Michael’s wrist and leg, while Michael’s tears spilled onto his glasses. Fuck, another thing to clean up along with the shit that was happening at the moment. “Michael. Please look at me.”

Michael snorted back an ugly amount of snot, feeling incredibly gross as he turned to look back at Jeremy. 

“You are my best friend. You’ve helped me through so much stuff and have been with me for forever. I’ve never ever thought that our friendship was something that would just disappear.” Jeremy lost his words, unable to speak for a moment before sighing and starting again. “Um, that night was probably the worst one of my life and I don't think I can ever forget it. What I said was unacceptable, especially to you. I took advantage of you and I...I can’t believe I would do that, but I did. I-I promise that I will never do anything like that again. I swear on my life, my somehow still functioning Wii console, my dad’s limited edition NES controller, and, um, the ghost of Hitler that lurks in my basement.”

Michael couldn’t help but chuckle at the latter statement, before gasping in air as more tears fell from his eyes.

“If I ever break that promise, you can send the Hitler ghost after me.”

Michael bit his lip and he slightly smirked. “Of course, man.”

“I’m sorry for making you cry,” Jeremy stated. “That’s like the very opposite of the thing I wanted to do.”

“No! It’s okay.” Michael swiped a hand under his nose. “It’s just, um, that night was kinda the worst thing that ever happened to me, too.”

Jeremy looked down, breaking their eye contact. “I don’t think I can ever make that up to you.”

“Just, don’t leave me without warning me, okay?” Michael offered while he tried to sort out his swirling thoughts and upheaved emotions. “I need to know what I did wrong and why you’re leaving.”

“I won’t leave you. Ever.”

“Well, I’m not going to the bathroom with you-”

“Michael!’ Jeremy’s face blushed and he rolled his eyes. 

Michael grinned, his face being the definition of juxtaposition with crying eyes and a soft smile. 

Jeremy just huffed and stared right back into Michael’s eyes. Their bright blue hue caused Michael to gulp and blink, hoping maybe movement would cause Jeremy to look away. It didn’t.

“I had a panic attack in the bathroom after you left,” Michael blurted, unable to stop the words from coming out of his mouth. “It was really bad. Like,  _ really bad _ . I got out before the fire, though. I was on the lawn trying to stop my spinning head when Rich and Jake fell out of a window. I saw black smoke billowing from the open window. I was the one to call the fire department and the ambulance. Rich was screaming. I tried to calm him down until the police showed up, but he was losing it. Jake was barely conscious. I had to keep him awake. And the whole time I was panicking even more. I came home and smoked so much weed.” 

Michael coughed and he couldn’t stop the few tears from spilling. 

“And after I smoked, all I could see was the smoke curling from the blunt. And then all I could see was the black smoke from the house. And then Rich screaming and Jake looking dead and-I can’t smoke anymore. I just can’t.” 

Michael’s eyes moved down.

And suddenly, arms were wrapped around him. A weight pushed against him and Jeremy’s voice was in his ear whispering “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry” over and over. 

Michael just moved his arms around Jeremy, basking in the support.

“I’m going to come over to your house every weekend and we are going to become so close that you won’t be able to keep one secret from me-” Jeremy blabbed on and on. “-because I’ll know them all and I’ll never let anything bad ever happen to you again-”

“Every Sunday,” Michael breathed.

“Yeah,” Jeremy pulled back, facing Michael. “Our day. Sunday.”

Michael exhaled from his nose before wiping away the last of the tears. 

Jeremy’s eyes held a small amount of water, too. 

It was moments like these that Michael remembered his burning crush for his best friend. When Jeremy would just support him or hug him or compliment him or they would be really close, like right then, where their noses could almost touch and their gazes connected.

If it were a perfect lifetime original movie, the lights would turn soft pink, violins would swell and Michael would kiss Jeremy. And Jeremy would be frozen as Michael proclaimed, “I love you. I’ve always loved you!” And Jeremy would declare that he loved Michael, as well. And then they’d date and eventually get married and the movie would end while they held hands and skipped into the sunset.

But, this wasn’t a romantic comedy.

This was real-life. 

Where Michael had trust-issues, anxiety and depression. Where Jeremy was still really into Christine and totally had platonic feelings towards Michael. Where Michael was scared to even tell Jeremy that he was gay. Where Jeremy still had trouble admitting the actual damage the squip had left on him.

Where they were best friends. That was it. That was all they’d ever be.

* * *

“Hey, Michael. So, since gay marriage was legalized and stuff, could that ever be reversed?”

“J, that was the most random question you could’ve asked at 1:00 in the morning.”

“Sorry! It’s just when I was looking up the cafetorium stats online, I saw an article in the sidebar saying, ‘Gay Marriage? Is it legal?’ And then I wondered could it ever be undone? And you’re like well-versed in the whole LGBT community…”

“It was a Supreme Court decision, which means that  _ technically _ no, it can’t. The trial deemed that the denial of same-sex marriage was unconstitutional.”

“So, no one can deny them the right to marry?”

“Yup. No state, city or community can take that right away, for now.”

“Why for now?”

“Court decisions can still be overturned and given a new outcome. I mean, if we have a conservative swing, which will happen if we are talking about political trends, I’d start to worry a little. But, people can defend their rights and protest. Liberal states may fight back? I don’t know. If anything, I think you can get married in Canada.”

“How do people know they’re gay?”

“Um, probably how you know that you’re straight?”

“Dude, you never hear the story, I thought I was gay but then I realized I was straight. Like-?”

“It’s because of the heteronormative media as well as the views of parents on their children. Until a person is opened up to and shown that, ‘hey, your feelings are actually normal if you’re this!’ then they realize. But, since same-sex relationships are starting to become more normalized, I worry more about the kids who are bi or pan or ace.”

“So, bisexuality is like-liking two genders, right?”

“Mmmm-hmm.”

“What’s pansexuality?” 

“All people regardless of gender.”

“Ace?”

“Asexual. Don’t like sex.”

“Wow.”

“There’s way more than that, I was just naming some of the basics.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Why are you so curious?”

“I dunno. Ever since Rich just said, ‘I’m totally bi.’, it got me kinda curious on how he could have that thought?”

“Hmm.”

“What?”

“I think it’s cause he likes Jake in a more-than-a-friend way.”

“ _ What?! _ ”

“Be quiet, your dad is trying to sleep.”

“What?”

“Yeah, he’s like  _ totally  _ in love with Jake. Did you see how happy he was when Jake entered the room?”

“I was that happy when you came in.”

“No, you were still in pain and low key high of painkillers when I came in.”

“You got me there.”

“And it’s different. Rich’s face lit up and he was so blushing when Jake complimented him on his lisp. Also, when Jake was cool about him being bi, Rich was practically beaming.”

“I don’t know.”

“You wanna bet?”

“Mmmaybe?”

“I’ll give you a day or two and we can strike a wager.”

“Alright.”

“Okay.”

“But, how do you think people realize that they are bi?”

“I don’t know? I think it usually starts as, I’m straight, but that boy is pretty hot. But, I’m totally straight. And then slowly realizing that you’d like to totally get it on with that boy and others, while still denying it because women are great. And then maybe one day, you find out about bisexuality and then you realize that wow, that’s me! I guess?” 

“Hm.”

“Why are you so interested? You suddenly questioning your sexuality or something?”

“No!”

“I mean it’s normal to question and experiment so you can always tell me-”

“ _ No _ . Dude, I’d tell you if I was.”

“Okay then, J. Sure. I’ll get off your case. Just promise you’ll tell me.”

“I swear.”

* * *

_ I’m straight. Like, really straight? _

_ I gave up everything to be with Christine. I’ve kissed Brooke. I almost had sex with Chloe. I love girls, I’ve had fantasy after fantasy about girls. All kinds of girls. All different girls. _

_ All the opposite sex. _

_ I’ve only had those feelings for girls. _

 

_ So, why do I feel like that’s not right? _

* * *

“Jeremy,  _ let’s go _ ,” Michael groaned from the door leading to the garage.

“Wait, just gimme a sec,” Jeremy yelled from the kitchen, quickly gripping a pop-tart in one hand and a phone in the other.

“I’ve been giving you secs all morning,” Michael retorted. “Wait, on my God, that sounds like sex.” Michael’s laughter rang throughout the empty house. “That is the  _ best _ ! Holy shit! I’m a genius.”

“Alright, I’m ready to go,” Jeremy grumbled as he walked over to Michael, his backpack askew and sweater a mess. 

“You sure?” Michael hummed once he steadied his booming laugh. 

“Yeah.” Jeremy shrugged, correcting the strap that laid heavily on his shoulder. 

“Front and back door locked?”

“Yes.”

“Breakfast mess picked up?”

“Yes.”

“Downstairs is all clean?”

“Of course. Why aren’t we going? You were clearly bitching about leaving earlier.”

“Because I don’t want my little man to get in trouble.”

“Stop, you’re not my dad.”

“I may not be your dad,” Michael opened the door for Jeremy. “But, I am your daddy.”

Michael’s added wink made Jeremy groan in agony. “I actually hate you.”

“You shouldn’t say that. I am your ride to school.”

“Let’s just get out of here so we aren’t late.”

The ride to school was a blur. All Jeremy remembered was stepping into the passenger seat of Michael’s PT Cruiser, begging Michael for certain radio suggestions, and the dreary gray sky. 

It reminded Jeremy of driving home from the hospital. The way the world was dim, wrapped in layers of clouds. The light is hidden from view because it didn’t want to peek out. It was such a huge secret that no one knew. 

The back of his brain played “I Can't Make You Love Me” as he stared.

He didn’t remember their conversation.

All he could think about was the rolling in his stomach. The tightness of his throat. The constant gulps. The quick beats of his heart. 

He couldn’t wait to get beat up by Chloe and Brooke. Maybe Jenna would go easy on him.

And Christine.

They talked in the hospital. But, it was about schoolwork and other small talk topics. The subject of the whole ordeal was ignored and skipped in favor of continuing mundane conversations. 

When they stepped into the school, Jeremy knew that they were pretty early. School didn’t start for another ten minutes. Which gave any person that held grievances against Jeremy all the time in the world. 

But, lucky for him, that wasn’t how today was going to go. 

Their walk to the lockers was quick and easy with no interruptions. And the first interruption that they did face, was after they had opened their lockers.

“Michael!” A light female voice had yelled, causing Jeremy to peer out from his open locker.

Brooke Lohst stood there. An oversized cardigan pooling off her shoulder exposing a cute short sleeved dress that was bright even in dim light. Her pretty blonde hair was tucked into a messy bun and some pieces of hair flowed freely into her face. 

“Brooke?” Jeremy whispered.

“Hey, Brooke,” Michael replied, smiling at her.

“Jeremy! You’re back!” Her tone was much less accusatory than Jeremy expected, and it was sort of  _ happy _ . She actually  _ smiled _ at him.

What the  _ fuck  _ was going on? He had cheated on her, hurt her, shot her down and yet, she was still smiling and nice to him?

She stepped around Michael and wrapped her arms around him. “I’m so glad that you’re better! We were worried about you!” She squeezed him, drawing any breath that Jeremy had, out of his body.

_ We? _

“I would’ve gone up and visited, but I was busy with family stuff,” she explained, letting him go. “I just asked Michael for any updates. When he said that you were coming to school today, I was so excited.” 

Jeremy grabbed the binder he needed and shut his locker with not enough force to close it. Okay, what was happening? 

If anything, Brooke shouldn’t be talking to him. His social standings were definitely atrocious, plummeting him back to the bottom of the barrel. Brooke was still top of the popularity ring, thus, proving such an interaction between the two to be...frankly, impossible? Not to mention Jeremy’s treatment of Brooke during the infamous party.

“It’s been crazy here. People are talking about the play and how good it was, for the first half, and then they are also talking about you and Rich. Don’t worry, Jenna and I have been trying to keep any too stupid rumors from happening, but, there are some weirdos out there,” Brooke rambled. She looked towards Michael as she continued. “So, since Jeremy’s back, are you going to be, too? Or is Rich requesting your presence?”

“I’ll stick around with Jeremy,” Michael answered. “He’s gotta have a friend get him back into the swing of things.”

“Then, in that case, you should  _ so _ sit with us at lunch! We have, like, five open chairs so please come over and sit with us. We’re trying to convince Christine as well and if you two are there, she’ll totally join. Please think about it, okay?” 

Brooke’s wide eyes and soft pleading voice made Jeremy say, “Um, I don’t-.” while Michael stated, “Absolutely.”

“Great!” She cheered, grabbing and squeezing Michael’s arm. “Can’t wait to see you guys at lunch! I better get going. Chloe’s waiting for me!”

And with a flurry of her cardigan, she was gone.

“What the  _ fuck _ ?” Jeremy whispered, watching her stride away from them. “I-she-I-but-I- _ what _ ?”

“Use your words, J,” Michael hummed. He pulled out his phone, typing away a message. 

“I thought she’d  _ hate  _ me,” Jeremy responded as he realized his still open locker. He pushed it closed and it chirped a hearty  _ click _ . “She should hate me? I mean, I did so many bad things to her and treated her like...like-”

“Y’know, they aren’t holding any grudges against you,” Michael offered while he closed his phone, effectively sliding it into his back pocket.

“They?”

“Brooke, Chloe, Jake, even Christine. They don’t blame you for all of this happening, and they shouldn’t.”

“But, I-”

“Were you the one who made and released the squip?”

“No, but I-”

“Were you to one to introduce it to this area?”

“No-”

“And did you force any of those squips on anyone with your hands?”

“Well, my squip ordered it on people, but I never really forced anyone-”

“Did you want all of that stuff to happen?”

“Um, no-”

“And thus, your honor, I rest my case.”

Jeremy sighed, knowing that Michael’s persuasive talking skills had landed him a loss within their argument. 

“Hey, go talk to Christine before class,” Michael ordered with a head flick indicating where she was located. 

“ _ No _ ,” Jeremy growled instantly. He glanced over to where she was, leaning against the lockers with a book in hand. She was only on the other side of the hallway and clearly absorbed with what she was reading. 

“Do it. She’s just sitting there alone and you know that she’d rather have a familiar face to talk to. Also, you can bring up getting her phone number from me and asking if that’s okay. And maybe sneak in a date in the nearby future if you’re smooth enough. Now go over and  _ talk to her _ .”

“What about you?” Jeremy asked, hoping for a reason to avoid the action.

“I’m going to go to class early?” Michael shrugged. “Does that bother you? We aren’t heading to the same place.”

“But-”

“Stop. You’ve said enough about buts. Now, go over there and just talk to her. You’ve done it before and you can do it again. I promise you, the worst part is making yourself do it. Now,  _ go _ .”

“Why are you being so pushy?”

“Because I told you to do this stuff for forever and you never listened. So, now I’m going to be more demanding especially since you two have done the whole meeting thing. You know her now, so don’t be afraid of her. She’s just a girl that really likes theater.”

Jeremy sighed. “Are you sure I can do this?”

“I’m positive.”

 

Jeremy watched Michael walk away, the ‘riends’ on his backpack smudged and practically unreadable. 

 

He gulped and stepped across the hall. 

 

_ Okay. Let’s do this. _

* * *

“And Carrie just sat there,” Michael stated. “Looking at me for an answer.”

“What did you do?” Jeremy slid his tray and paid quickly for his meal. 

“I stared right back at her and shrugged,” Michael replied, sipping his slushie in his hands. “And then Dean was like, ‘Dude, what even is a parabola?’ and I flipped.” 

Jeremy thanked the lunch lady quietly as they made their way out into the expansive cafeteria with many circular tables, all filled with students. 

“I almost screamed in agony,” Michael continued, following Jeremy to the outskirts of the tables. “How did I end up with the two worst people to do a math project with? I’m actually going to die or I’m going to become stupider.”

“I’m sure you are going to be fine,” Jeremy responded, looking over his shoulder to do so.

“Yeah, but-”

“Michael! Jeremy!” Brooke’s voice interrupted their conversation. The two boys looked over to see her standing and waving at them from a table. “Come sit with us!”

They were still before Michael said, “Let’s go.”

“What?” Jeremy questioned right as Michael turned into the large gathering of tables. Jeremy quickly followed Michael, apologizing softly as they pushed through people in their way. “Dude, what if this is a trap?”

“Did you hear Brooke this morning?” Michael replied, speaking over his shoulder. “She sounded so genuine and honestly, she isn’t the type of person to do that.” 

Jeremy was still hesitant.

“I’m so glad you guys could make it!” Brooke’s smile was blinding. It was so sweet and pure, compared to Chloe’s acknowledging eyebrow cock and Jake’s small smirk. “I was worried you guys would forget our talk this morning and go off.”

“How dare you,” Michael chirped back, setting his bag down and sitting next to the empty seat beside Brooke.

Jeremy instantly sat beside Michael and then proceeded to look around at the others sitting. Chloe was close to Brooke, perusing her phone with an air of boredom around her, while Jake filled out a paper and had a spoon in his mouth. There were two seats in between them and the closest one to Chloe had a tray in front of it. Jeremy wondered briefly who was sitting there before Chloe answered his question for him. “Jenna. She’s in the bathroom.”

Jeremy’s confused look earned him another explanation from Chloe.

“I can multitask, Jeremy,” Chloe stated and closed her phone.

“Hey, can the square root of 13 be simplified?” Jake asked.

“Not that I know of?” Jeremy responded, his tone unsure. 

“J’s right.” Michael’s assuring voice calmed Jeremy’s nerves. 

“Awesome,” Jake mumbled, writing something down. 

“Oh! There’s Christine,” Brooke exclaimed. “I’m going to get her to sit with us.” She stood up after handing Michael a collection of papers. “Thank you so much for proofing that for me, Mikey!”

“No problem,” Michael hummed and set the papers in front of him as he took a large swig of his slushie.

“Christine!” Brooke shouted as she left the table.

“ _ Mikey _ ?” Jeremy whispered, not knowing what his emotions were on this nickname. Jeremy’s stomach had dropped and an angry chill had rushed up his spine. Michael had always  _ hated  _ being called Mikey. He’d grimace and yell at anyone who said it, vehemently denying that he had any connection to such a nickname. He often said that is was because it was so  _ boring _ or it made him feel like a young child. “You  _ hate  _ that name.”

“Yeah, so?” Michael mumbled back, his eyes focused on the papers in front of him.

“Um, Brooke just-”

“I don’t mind Brooke using it.”

“When did  _ that _ happen?”

“What are you two whispering about over there?” Chloe’s intrusion caused Jeremy to shut his mouth.

“Brooke’s nickname for me,” Michael responded, somehow still reading the text in front of him.

“Oh, yeah, she loves nicknames,” Chloe stated. “I’m surprised she hasn’t given one to you, Jeremy.”

“Really?” Jeremy managed to ask.

“Mmm-hmm. Mine’s Cleo or Clo.”

“I’m Jakey-wakey or just Jakey.”

“I’m Jenny or Jen,” Jenna plopped down in her seat. 

“Hey, Jenna,” Jeremy said. “How did you know what we were talking about?”

“I heard Cleo and Jakey-wakey and those are both Brooke nicknames,” Jenna responded, picking up a fork. 

“What about Rich?” Jeremy inquired. 

“We used to jokingly call him Bich, without the t,” Chloe replied. “But I think she likes to use Richey or Richey Rich or Money Bags.” 

“Um?”

“Don’t ask. It’s a long story.”

“Okay,” Jeremy shrugged. 

This was  _ weird _ .

The feeling of familiarity and lack of anxiety while talking to these people was just  _ weird _ . Jeremy’s day was almost ruined by the prospect of seeing all of them again. Yet, here he was. Talking to them about nicknames like it was just another topic in their conversation.

“Hey, Christine,” Michael’s nonchalant greeting, caused Jeremy to jump out of his thoughts.

“Good afternoon, Michael. And everyone else,” Christine responded with a smile and wave. “Is it alright if I sit next to you, Jeremy?”

“Uh, y-yeah,” Jeremy stuttered out. “Sure.”

She sat down, slinging her backpack beside her and her tray in front of her.

“I’m so happy that you’re sitting with us,” Brooke’s voice echoed behind Jeremy as she walked behind him and slid onto the other side of Michael. “So, how is it?”

“Really good, I just have a few edits-” 

Michael’s conversation with Brooke was tuned out in favor of Christine asking, “So, Jeremy, you haven’t seen Grease or Dirty Dancing, what else?”

Jeremy had almost forgotten about their conversation that morning. It was filled with Christine referencing fifty different musicals and then being shocked that Jeremy hadn’t heard them. “I don’t know why you are so hung up on me not knowing Grease.”

“Because it’s an original!  _ Everyone’s  _ seen Grease,” Christine griped.

“True!” Chloe added.

“Gotta agree with Christine,” Jake nodded.

Jenna just shrugged.

“I can’t believe this,” Jeremy grumbled. “Michael hasn’t seen it.”

“But, I wasn’t in the play,” Michael commented, offhandedly and then continuing to discuss things with Brooke. 

“See, Jeremy,” Christine pointed. “I’m not crazy.”

“This isn’t fair. Everyone’s ganging up on me,” Jeremy argued.

“What else haven’t you seen?”

“Um, I don’t know.”

“Well, I should actually be asking what have you seen?”

“Phantom of the Opera?”

“Okay, how could you have not seen Grease but Phantom of the Opera?” Chloe asked.

“I don’t know!” Jeremy replied.

“What else?” Christine prompted.

“Um, Falsettos.”

“What is Falsettos?” Jake asked.

“That is unbelieveable!” Christine breathed. “Falsettos but not Grease.”

“I’ve also seen Legally Blonde.”

“Oh, thank God, that’s an amazing musical,” Christine responded.

“I haven’t seen Legally Blonde the musical,” Chloe stated.

“Okay, I need to educate all of you, Jesus,” Christine declared.

“We should all meet up and have a musical theater night with Christine,” Jenna offered.

“That sounds like fun,” Jake added.

“I’ll do it,” Chloe said.

“Jeremy?” Christine asked, looking over at Jeremy with eyes that were filled with anticipation.

“Uh, why not?” He shrugged.

“We’ll need a groupchat,” Chloe mentioned.

“Groupchat?!” Brooke shot up. “I live for creating groupchats.”

The group laughed together at Brooke’s enthusiasm.

It ended up with all of them compiling their numbers into Brooke’s phone, Jake also adding in Rich so that he could feel included. 

All in all, not a heinous day.

* * *

**jeremy’s never seen grease and we’re fixing that**

**(12:13 pm)**

 

**rich:** wtf is this and y am i in it

 

**brooke:** Don’t worry richy rich!

 

**chloe:** it’s just a gc about getting all together and making jeremy watch grease

 

**rich:** jeREMY’S NEVER SEEN GREASE?!?!?!?

 

**jeremy:** Why am I being picked on so much

 

**michael:** u deserve it hon

 

**jenna:** cuTe they call each other hon

 

**christine:** Jenna ur off topic

 

**jeremy:** Michael stop whistling the tune of off topic I can hear you from upstairs

 

**michael:** ur not my real dad

 

**jake:** wow disrespected

 

**christine:** okay now everyone’s off topic

 

**brooke:** We should meet when rich gets out of the hospital

 

**chloe:** we can do it at my house. I have a movie theater.

 

**michael:** WHAT

 

**jeremy:** Oh my God, what

 

**christine:** awesome! we’ll talk about this later

 

**michael:** jeremy

 

**michael:** a freaking movie theater

 

**jeremy:** How rich are you?

 

**rich:** pretty rich. it is my name

 

**chloe:** GET OUT

 

**brooke:** O  m g

 

**jeremy:** I hate everything

 

**jake:** i don’t know how to feel about this

 

**michael:** IF I WERE IN YOUR HOSPITAL RIGHT NOW I WOULD HIGH FIVE YOU DO HARD RIGHT NOW

  
**rich:** ;DDDDDD 


	3. despite the weather, it gets better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OSRRY IT TOOK SO LONG HOLY  
> I HAD A FEW MENTAL BREAK DOWNS AND SCHOOL STARTED AD AHHHHHHHHH  
> honestly this was probably the hardest/coolest chapter to write due to how much boyf bonding there is like  
> mmmmm  
> also im a certified memer #fite me  
> IM SORRY IT TAKES SO LONG TO UPLOAD AND WRITE THESE CHAPTERS BUT THERE'S ONLY SEVEN AND I NEED TO FILLL THEM  
> i apologize, hopefully I can get my act together and get another one out soon.
> 
> r i . p  
> have fun.
> 
> (p.s. brooke and michael's friendship is what i wish i had like goD)

**Chapter 3- despite the weather, it gets better**

 

_And I will try to hold you up_

_Through those times when you are gone_

_Despite the weather, it gets better_

_You won't do this alone_

 

* * *

School was good.

Well, as good as school could get.

Jeremy didn’t mind being thrown back into the swing of things, in fact, it really helped keep his mind of the haunting thoughts: _what if it isn’t gone?_

_Could some expired 90’s soda really disable a supercomputer?_

_Are you sure it isn’t right here?_

_Talking to you now?_

So, intense homework sessions with Michael was welcomed. Though, Michael was always busy now. It was really weird how everyone just came together and how easily Michael hopped into the whole group. His schedule was constantly filled, which had caught Jeremy by surprise.

“So,” Jeremy drawled in the middle of an AP Chemistry review that the two of them were holding. “When aren’t you busy?”

Michael had laughed at the question. “What do you mean? I’m not _that_ busy.”

“Uh, kinda,” Jeremy shrugged.

“I mean, I’m free Mondays and Fridays mostly.” Michael paused and then began listing his schedule aloud. “Yeah. Monday is nothing, Tuesday is helping Brooke with math at 5, Wednesday is going up and seeing Rich, Thursday is tutoring Jake right after school, Friday is free. And then on the weekends, Sunday is Jeremy’s day.”

Jeremy’s insides relaxed at the latter statement. “Not to mention Walgreens throughout the week.”

“Eh, that’s late in the day.”

“5:30 isn’t that late.”

“I don’t always take that shift.”

Jeremy just looked at Michael with the _we-both-know-that’s-bullshit_ look.

“Now. You didn’t let me finish. I don’t always take that shift now.”

“ _Really_?”

“Yeah, they're letting me come in later and sometimes I’m closing so... _hah_.”

“Sure. Sure.”

“Stop tsking your tongue. It’s _tsking_ me off.”

“Just stop.”

But, the weirdest thing to Jeremy was how Michael and Brooke were constantly next to each other. They had inside jokes, were constantly texting each other, Brooke hung on Michael, often off his arm or his shoulder, and Brooke didn’t call just Michael, Mikey. No, she also called him _boo_.

For example,

 

**stop changing the gm name**

**(4:58 pm)**

 

**brooke:** Michael, boo, where you at?

 

**michael:** hon im right here

 

**michael:** look left

 

**michael:** ur other left genius

 

**chloe:** what the heck

 

**michael:** *hell

 

**brooke:** Boo, let Chloe curse

 

**chloe:** yeah mell step off I’ll murder u with my heels bitch

 

**michael:** wow oaky jeremy r u gonna defend my honor?

 

**jeremy:** Um chloe could murder me too so…

 

**rich:** i ll stand up 3 u mikeal

 

**michael:** wow i have never seen my name like that

 

**rich:** srry i got m or p h i n eee eee

 

**rich:** eeee haha a

 

**rich:** they said  i can go  ho m e soon so

 

**jake:** that’s awesome buddy!!

 

**chloe:** why do you need morphine, tho?

 

**jenna:** I’m screenshotting this just in case

 

**rich:** theyre chekicng my boddy and taking off cassststs

 

**rich:** buttt h ah butt  um  they had to  do som e surgrey fist

 

**rich:** so thaey coudl check that thigns wer  e wor king

 

**rich:** i dun n no  its fu n nn n mor ph  ien

 

**michael:** wow hes a druggie now

 

**jeremy:** Just like u

 

**brooke:** Just like you

 

**jeremy:** Wait wtf

 

**brooke:** Oh my God how

 

**michael:** w t f fffff

 

**rich:** holy sh i t

 

**jake:** broooooooooooooooo

 

**chloe:** i m

 

**jenna:** guys are we all on drugs again

 

**brooke:** I can’t believe we just said that

 

**brooke:** At the same time

 

**jeremy:** Wow um that was weird

 

**michael:** i m the on e thats fr eak ed out je sus

 

**brooke** sent a picture ( **booisbrokeninthemiddleofpinkberry.jpg** ) into the chat

**(5:01 pm)**

 

**chloe:** RI P

 

**rich:** #uwillbe m isse d ba b e

 

**jenna:** bye felicia

 

**jake:** mmmm whatcha sayyyy

 

**michael:** im surrounded by old memers

 

Jeremy was Michael’s best friend, so naturally, it was really weird that Brooke did the same joke as him _at the same time_.

So, he had a right to be a little suspicious. 

* * *

It really didn’t occur to him how perfect they were together until he got to the lunch table late and the two were huddled close to each other, whispering and chuckling together.

And Brooke was wearing _Michael’s_ _hoodie_.

Then, all the puzzle pieces came together.

The reason why Brooke was so nice, how Michael had just effortlessly joined the group, the nicknames, the closeness.

They were definitely dating.

Or at least into each other. What else could explain all the unexplainable happenings other than such a conclusion?

It’s not like Jeremy cared _that_ much. Michael was free to pursue whoever he wanted and Jeremy really wasn’t interested in Brooke when they were “dating”. It didn’t irk him that they were together, not at all.

It was more that Michael didn’t tell him. Jeremy had told Michael about Christine as soon as he was aware of his feelings. This seemed like a thing Michael could trust him with. Maybe it was because Jeremy and Brooke “dated”? Maybe because it was a secret and they didn’t want to tell anyone?

Why wouldn’t Michael tell him about it? They told each other everything.

But, it didn’t matter. Them being together. It didn’t matter at all.

_So, why did Jeremy’s insides curl in anger whenever he thought of them together?_

The “sorry, i was studying with brooke” texts definitely didn’t make his stomach recoil. The sight of Brooke holding onto Michael definitely didn’t make his mind simmer. The ideas of them kissing, hugging, and being a couple didn’t make his heart ebb with pain.

He didn’t feel his blood boil and his temperature rise as somehow this green smoke got caught into his lungs and built up until he was begging to cough it out. And even when he coughed, it would stay there, still building and building.

No, nothing like that happened. He was _fine_ . It was all _fine_. Who cared?

_He did._

_He cared so much_.

But, it was because Michael didn’t tell him.

He was angry because Michael didn’t tell him about this development.

That was the only reason.

  


_But, was it really?_

  


It didn’t matter until it was a Friday afternoon after a draining day of school and all Jeremy really wanted to do was hang out with Michael while playing video games. He just wanted to de-stress and have time with his best friend. He didn’t want to worry about groupchats and his date with Christine that was only a day away.

(Speaking of that, the whole asking her out experience was a rather stutter-filled, awkward mess. It consisted of Jeremy sweating and hoping to anything holy that he didn’t have pit stains as he walked up to her locker after school.

And after talking for a few moments about the plan for Theater 101 with Christine, Jeremy started with, “H-h-hey, um, I-I know you probably know now that I-I really like y-you. I-in a kinda more than, um, a friend…..way. A-and so, uh, you don’t have to say yes, but w-would you maybe kinda wanna go out with me? L-l-like maybe for lunch o-or coffee or something. Um, I don’t know. B-but, y-you don’t have to, i-it’s totally cool if you don’t think of me that way-”

“Sure. Why not?”

Christine’s effortless reply made Jeremy wonder if he was dreaming. He pinched himself after they worked out their plans. He almost screamed at the top of lungs when Michael asked how it went. He did almost lose his voice as he expressed every emotion known to man when Michael drove him home.

It was practically a dream come true.)

And when he turned into the hallway, he saw Michael and Brooke at Michael’s locker.

Hugging.

Brooke’s arms wrapped tightly around Michael’s waist and Michael’s arms resting softly on her small form. Her head was tucked into his chest, her hair falling forward and covering the sides of her face. Michael’s chin rested atop her head and his eyes were closed. He was whispering something to her.

Jeremy’s stomach slammed into the ground and he had to gulp back the rotten feeling in his lower gut.

_This is fine. They are practically dating._

Jeremy decided that going to his locker wasn’t important. He could wait for Michael in the parking lot and ask him for a ride home there. If he wasn’t too preoccupied with Brooke.

He sent a quick text to Michael, hoping that the other would check his phone.

 

**To: player 1**

**(2:52 pm)**

 

@ parking lot door. I’m really stressed, so video games 2night?

 

Jeremy sat down on the bench next to the door leading outside, huffing at this unknown sinking feeling he had that decorated his insides. He shook his leg and wondered how to pass the time.

 

**To: rich**

**(2:52 pm)**

 

Hey, how’s life in the hospital? Peggy come by?

 

Rich didn’t reply until two minutes later after Jeremy had given up hope of any form of communication.

 

**rich:** boring. i feel like im a beaten dead horse

 

**rich:** also no :/

 

**you:** Really?

 

**rich:** ye i miss her

 

**you:** She was so cool

 

**rich:** shes the only nurse that i liked

 

**rich:** and she was like the cutest girl

 

**you:** Really rich

 

**rich:**  sh ES ADORABLE YOU HAVE T O AGREE

 

**rich:** Wi TH HE r LITTLE WIREFRAME GLASSES AND SOFT EYES

 

**rich:** but she is not like dr stevens cause   h  o o oo boi

 

**rich:** i dk if ur a top or bottom cause honey

 

**you:** I don’t think I’ll ever forget you’re bi due to statements like that

 

**rich:** :DDDDDD

 

**rich:** hows michael i miss him

 

**you:** You saw him two days ago

 

**rich:** yea h so what

 

**rich:** hes the only person that knows how to meme

 

**you:** I’m i n s u l t e d

 

**rich:** you didnt even know what vore means jeremy

 

**you:** I am still an educated member how dare

 

**you:** *memer damn

 

**rich:** AHAHAHAHHAH

 

**rich:** also say fuck ass hole

 

**rich:** let out them curses

 

**you:** :-/

 

**rich:** y is ther a nose

 

**you:** L e t h i m b r e a t h e

 

**rich:** no

 

**you:** :-(((((((

 

**rich:** stop this is insulting wtf

 

**you:** D-’:

 

**rich:** jeremy heere stop

 

**you:** N e v e r

 

**rich:** D:<

 

**you:** D-:<

 

**rich:** i h a t e

 

**you:** New product from Apple

 

**rich:** i j us t dro pp ed m y phon e im cry ing

 

**you:** R I P RICH’S PHONE

 

**rich:** *plays my heart will go on with my recorder*

 

**you:** *flicks out a lighter and sobs*

 

**rich:** omg me

 

**rich:** also ihate is now our inside joke jerry heere

 

**you:** S TOP CALLING ME JERRY

 

**rich:** do u hate /?

 

**you:** ihate so much

 

**you:** I had to type that out fifty times before my phone accepted it jeez

 

**rich:** *jesus

 

**you:** I am a good Christian mother. How dare you

 

**rich:** rip ur not a mother

 

**you:** Nor am I christian.

 

**rich:** wait what

 

**you:** Yeah. I’m Jewish

 

**rich:** whaT

 

**rich:** wHEN

 

**you:**???

 

**you:** I’ve been Jewish for all my life??

 

**rich:**  hO LY SHIT

 

**rich:** WHAT DO YOU DO ON CHRISTMAS BREAK

 

**you:** Um have a break? Why?

 

**rich:** WHAT DO YOU DO ON CHRISTMAS?

 

**you:** Watch movies? Eat Chinese food and talk about how awesome Hanukkah was?

 

**rich:** :OOOOOOOOOOO

 

**you:** Are you okay?

 

**rich:**  n  o O th iS  is li fe CHANGING

 

**rich:** o shit doc came in

 

**rich:** brb gotta talk 2 me about shit

 

**rich:** ttyl bby

 

**you:** Text u later fam

 

Jeremy sighed, wondering if he should text someone else to pass the time. He checked the clock on his phone. _3:10 pm._

He frowned and looked around at the hallways. It was barren, the only people around were teachers leaving their classrooms. Jeremy sighed and pulled up a game on his phone. Maybe that would pass the time.

Then, thoughts started to swirl in his head. Unanswered questions hit him and caused his stomach to be filled with unease.

Where was Michael?

Was he with Brooke still?

Was he okay?

Did he leave already?

Does he still like Jeremy?

Why won't he answer?

Why are him and Brooke together?

Why won't he tell Jeremy about him and Brooke?

_Why does it hurt him to think of them together?_

He turned off his game and stared at his home screen.

 

_I don't know._

 

A vibration from his hand interrupted his downward spiral.

 

**From: player 1**

**(3:15 pm)**

 

yeah sure. i'm heading towards the parking lot now

 

**player 1:** do u mind if i take brooke home as well

 

**player 1:** her ride bailed and she isn't feeling good

 

**you:** Yeah that's fine

 

**player 1:** u can still have shotgun ;D

 

**you:** :-D

 

**player 1:** sorry if i scared u away from the lockers

 

**player 1:** brookes had a really bad day

 

**you:** Dude it's okay I don't mind

 

**you:** I’m not your only friend

 

**player 1:** but u are my faavvvvvowitttteee person

 

**you:** B l o c k e d a n d r e p o r t e d

 

**player 1:** that took u waaay too long to type

 

**you:** IHATE

 

**you:** Whoops that's an inside joke

 

**player 1:** ¿¿¿¿

 

**you:** :-P

 

**player 1:** um i feel hurt

 

**you:** Where are u?

 

**player 1:** walkin down the hall bout to turn the corner into the main hall 4 the parking lot

 

**you:** You’re taking for e v e r

 

**player 1:** :p

 

**you:** >:-(

 

**player 1:** -3-

 

**you:** -_-

 

**player 1:** wHERES HIS NOSE

 

**you:** I DON’T KNOW HOW TO GIVE THAT FACE A NOSE IM SCREAMING

 

**player 1:** aHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

**you:** AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHH

 

**player 1:** o ey boi i see u

 

**you:** :-D

 

**player 1:** hES BREATHIN AGAIN THANK THE LORD

 

**you:** (-:

 

“Sup J?” Michael’s voice made Jeremy look up from his phone. Brooke was behind him, her eyes slightly red and she barely had a smile on her face. She looked worn out and tired.

“Hey, Michael,” Jeremy hummed. “Hey, Brooke.”

“Hi,” she stated, weakly.

“If you want, Michael can just drop me off at home-”

“No! No,” Brooke shook her hands in front of her. “Please. I don't want to interfere with any plans you guys have. I just really wanna go home.”

“I get that,” Jeremy nodded.

“You don't mind Jer being in the front seat?” Michael asked.

“Not at all!” Brooke shrugged. “Seriously, I just need a ride home.”

“Awesome,” Michael stated. “Let’s go then.”

The trio walked out to the car, silence settling on them. Michael led the way of their deformed triangle and hummed softly to himself. Jeremy’s hands rested on his backpack straps as he looked back at Brooke, who browsed her phone nonchalantly. They made it to the car and the quiet between them had become a little thick.

Michael’s car _clicked_ , indicating the doors being unlocked. Jeremy opened the back door for Brooke and she gave him a quick “thank you.”

“Wow, are you suddenly a gentleman?” Michael jested from the open driver side door.

Jeremy rolled his eyes and pulled on the handle of his door. “Do you want me to come over there and open your door for you?”

“I would appreciate it,” Michael stated, leaning into the car.

“Are you suddenly too weak to open your door?” Jeremy huffed and sat down in the passenger seat. Michael’s car was filled with small wrappers and trash, mostly around the floor space. His backseat often had two or three hoodies along with a few blankets. Coins were littered within his cup holders and Jeremy huffed at the mess. “You promised me that you’d clean your car.”

“Oh my God, _mom_ , calm down,” Michael retorted, shutting his door.

“Your mom will ground you again if you don’t pick this up,” Jeremy declared, slinging his bag onto the ground.

“Seriously? You’re literally being my mom right now,” Michael groaned.

“I’m just trying to stop you from getting in trouble.”

“Bleh! Trouble shumble.” Michael stuck out his tongue at Jeremy and frowned. “I can do whatever I want.”

“No, you’re still a child, Michael. And as long as you are living under my roof-”

“Alright. Now that’s too far.”

“Brooke, do you think he should pick this up?” Jeremy turned to look at her in the backseat.

She had her phone in her hands but looked up at the two of them. Her mouth was crooked into a small smile as she nodded to Jeremy’s question. “I have to agree with Jeremy.”

“Are you _serious_?” Michael shouted, looking over to Jeremy with betrayal in his eyes. “How dare you turn the angelic being, that is Brooke, against me?”

“Because I’m right and you’re wrong!” Jeremy smirked and made eye contact with Michael.

“You are _not_!” Michael argued. “This is my car and I can keep it any way I want!”

“No, it’s not! It’s your mom’s.”

“It is _mine_.”

“No, it’s _not_.”

“Mine.”

“Not.”

“Mine.”

“Not.”

“Mine!”

“Not!”

They were interrupted by Brooke giggling from the back. “Oh my God, you two are like an old married couple!”

Jeremy didn’t understand why his face felt slightly hot.

“Eh, when you’ve been friends as long as us,” Michael stated, settling back into his seat. “You’re practically bound together for life.”

“Which is marriage,” Brooke commented.

“It’s marriage without sex,” Michael said, starting up the car.

“Michael, if that’s what you want, all you have to do is ask,” Jeremy couldn't stop the words from slipping out of his mouth. He felt his cheeks blush softly. _Where did that come from?_

Michael didn't reply as Brooke laughed happily.

“You two are awesome,” Brooke hummed.

Michael pulled out of the parking spot and adjusted the radio.

“Yo, can I have the aux cord?” Jeremy inquired.

“You better not play trash,” Michael said.

Jeremy gripped the small wire that was plugged into the car radio and plugged his phone in. “I will proceed to play every song that has the word trash in it.”

Brooke chuckled from the back.

“Even in Spanish?” Michael inquired

“Especially in Spanish,” Jeremy smirked.

* * *

“So,” Jeremy drawled after Brooke left the car. “Is her house as big as it looks?”

“It’s bigger than it looks,” Michael replied.

“Holy-,” Jeremy whispered.

“Yeah, seriously,” Michael shrugged, looking behind him as he pulled out of the large driveway. “But, she comes from a big family. Six kids.”

“ _Holy shit_ ,” Jeremy sputtered.

“She’s second youngest. She has a younger sister who's in 8th grade. All her older siblings are in college.”

“What?”

“Yeah. Her oldest sister’s a junior, her older brother is a sophomore and then her other older brother and sister, who are twins, are freshman. Even though her parents are clearly loaded, she has to pay for most of her college expenses. It’s why she needs tutoring. So she can get a high ACT or SAT score and hopefully get some scholarships.”

“Wow.”

“I know, right? I always pictured her with like one sibling at most, yet she has five other people in her house, besides her parents. But, they are all apparently really cool? Her youngest older sister is going to college and studying music. Her oldest sister is studying law.”

“What kind of law?”

“Divorce law.”

“Ah, the big money.”

“Just like your dad.”

“Yeah.”

“But, her oldest sister got, like, a _ton_ of scholarships and has so much money saved. She barely has to worry about student loan debt apparently.”

“I _wish_.”

“I know.”

“That must be awesome.”

“Eh. Brooke’s parents have a lot of expectations for her, especially because of her older sister. It’s kinda why she’s been out of it. She’s putting a lot of pressure on herself to be just like her sister, yet, they are so different. It’s gotta suck.”

“Wow. So, you guys are similar, in a sense? Both of you have older siblings that have paved a path.”

“Yeah. And it’s tough to follow, too.”

“She’s pretty cool.”

“She really is.”

“...”

“...”

“....”

“....”

“You guys are really close.”

“Yeah.”

“So, um, when did that happen? I don’t remember you hanging out with her and-”

“I unlocked the door of the bathroom to leave and then she burst in,” Michael started explaining. “On the night of ‘ _the party’_ , if you need clarification. She was a wreck and so was I. So, I sat down with her and talked to her. I just commented about her costume and tried to ask what was wrong, but I knew better than bombard her with shit. After a few minutes of tried prying, it was silent and then all you could really hear was Brooke crying. And then she just burst. She told me everything that had happened and added how she hated herself and how she was jealous of Chloe Valentine and that she could never be anything to anyone and that she couldn’t even keep one guy, not even this actually nice guy that complimented her and was still in awe of her even though he was slightly popular.”

Jeremy couldn’t respond. His vocal cords collapsed as his stomach made his way to his feet. He knew he was starting to shake a little at this sudden fall into a pit of guilt and anxiety. He felt as if he was swimming in tar, the guilt pulling him down until he was covered and unable to breathe. There was no way out of it once you were in.

“And then she told me about shit at home and really personal stuff. Then, she just looked at me and asked, ‘Am I really that ugly?’ And I had to look at this girl I barely knew, but suddenly knew everything about, and I had to say ‘Honey, even though your makeup is fucked up and you’re probably at your lowest you could ever be, you still look incredible.’ And, J, you should’ve seen the look on her face. Her smile lit up the room and she started shedding more tears. She said they were happy tears which made me feel so much better.”

Jeremy glanced over at Michael, who was animatedly talking while looking at the road. His left hand was secure on the wheel while his right moved about. Michael had always been a hand talker with things he was passionate about. _He must really have it for her, then_. Jeremy felt the familiar dark feeling in his insides, pushing back against Jeremy’s resistance.

“And then I ended up confessing a bunch of shit to her, and honestly, we’ve become really tight, y’know? She isn’t that bad of a person. I mean, she’s still a bitch about all that shit that she did in the past like I’m not forgiving her for that stuff; but, she isn’t a _true_ bitch. She only did all those things to get close to Chloe and be her friend. She just wanted to fit in and not have to worry about all her older siblings getting all of the attention. It’s all she needed. You get it, J?”

“Yeah, yeah, I got it,” Jeremy responded.

They stopped at a stoplight and Michael looked over at Jeremy, his soft brown eyes meeting Jeremy’s. Michael wore a small smirk and Jeremy _absolutely hated the idea of Brooke seeing such a soft moment_ felt his heart speed up slightly.

“Sorry if I’m boring you,” Michael shrugged. “I just, really appreciate her. She’s kind of a glass of fresh water and provides such a deep analysis to stuff. She likes poetry, which is such a white girl thing to say, but she’s actually really good at it. I’m kinda glad that the whole...um...incident happened because she’s changed for the better and started being true to herself. I think everyone in the squad’s doing that though.”

“So, how long have you guys been dating?”

Michael’s sudden surprised look and frozen state caused Jeremy to want to take back the question. _They probably aren’t dating, oh shit. What if he asked her out and got rejected and I’m rubbing salt into the wound-?_

“It’s green,” Jeremy gulped, slightly pointing to the light.

Michael quickly snapped his head back to the road and the car rocketed forward, slamming Jeremy back in his seat. _Shit, did I make him angry? I didn’t mean to hurt him-_

Michael’s surprise morphed into soft chuckles and then moved to full bodied laughter. “Me? Brooke? _Dating?_ ” Michael gasped between laughs. “I’m honestly crying right now…..Brooke and I _dating_ ? Oh my God, that is the funniest thing I have ever fucking heard. Holy _shit_ …..We? Together like that? I’m done!”

Jeremy didn’t understand what was going on and this sudden laughter really wasn’t helping.

“Seriously, J? Brooke isn’t even remotely interested in me! And even if she is, we’d never be together,” Michael explained, trying to stifle even more chuckles.

“Why?” Jeremy squeaked.

“Because I’m gay.”

Jeremy felt the green smoke from his insides dissipate. _Okay, yeah, that makes so much sense. They wouldn’t ever be together because Michael’s gay._

 

Wait.

 

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

“What?” Jeremy asked.  

Michael’s smile dropped, “ _Fuck_ , I was going to tell you in a better way. I had a whole thing planned. _Fucking shit_.”

“You’re gay?” Jeremy inquired.

“Yeah,” Michael responded, sheepishly.

“How long have you known?”

“Um, since 8th grade?”

“Why didn’t you _tell_ me?” Jeremy couldn’t stop an offended tone from entering his voice.

“Because…..I dunno...I just, didn’t want to lose our friendship?”

“Why would we lose our friendship because of your sexuality?”

“Because……?”

“ _Dude_! Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

“I mean, we were at school and all-”

“ _Not that kind of earlier_!” Jeremy paused, breathing and calming himself down. “Why didn’t I know about it until now?”

“Look, J, I just recently came out to my mom.”

“But I thought I was cooler than your mom! I know I tell you to clean stuff up, but I thought you could trust me with that shit!”

“Wait, are you mad cause I’m gay?” Michael’s voice was soft and breakable, causing Jeremy’s heart to hurt.

“No! Of course not!” Jeremy denied instantly. “You know I don’t care about that kind of stuff! I’m just a little peeved that you didn’t tell me about it until _now_ ! Like, no wonder you know all this shit about the LGBTQ+ community. It’s because you literally _are_ apart of the community!”

“You never knew?”

“ _No!_ Am I really that untrustworthy? Like, I know I said bullshit during the whole incident but if you've known since 8th grade-”

“You seriously are more angry about that fact that I didn’t tell you?”

“That’s the only reason why I’m angry! You came out to your mom before you came out to me? I feel insulted and offended. Does your brother know, too?”

“Yeah, he’s the first person I told.”

“ _Even your BROTHER!_ ” Jeremy shouted, throwing his hands in the air.

Michael’s face broke out into a smile. “You really don’t care?”

“Whoever you sleep with isn’t my place to judge, it’s 2017. I’m just so fucking mad at you for not telling me. Like, that’s a slap in the face. I thought we were closer.”

Michael’s laugh provided a break in the heavy atmosphere, causing Jeremy’s soul to brighten. “I can’t believe you’re so angry about it.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”

“I do have the gay pride flag patch on my hoodie, bro.”

“ _I wouldn’t know that_! You have to tell me that stuff! Am I really that untrustworthy, though? I know you keep, like, all my deepest darkest secrets and all-”

“Jeremy, seriously, I didn’t tell you because I thought you wouldn’t like me after I did.”

Jeremy scoffed at the latter statement. “You’re an idiot. Of course, I’d still like you. You’re my favorite person.”

“Aw, that’s fucking gay.”

Jeremy frowned and crossed his arms. “ _You’re_ gay.”

“Yeah, I am.”

“I can’t believe you. You owe me something for leaving me in the dark for so long.”

Michael chuckled with his eyes on the road still. “I’m just really glad that you don’t hate me.”

“Dude, why would I hate you?”

“Because-? I don’t know. You’re a straight white boy that doesn’t really understand? I half expected you to ask me if you had a crush on me.”

“Do you? I know I’m like _super_ hot, so I wouldn’t be surprised if you did.”

Michael belly laughed, the sound echoing deep from him. It made Jeremy’s heart warm and his fingers tingle. He always loved making Michael laugh because the sound just made Jeremy feel better.

“My six pack would so blind you, bro. You can’t even touch this, man. But, like, you would _so_ fuck me, right?”

“I don’t know how to respond to that,” Michael replied, rolling his eyes and slowly stopping his snickers.

“Doesn’t this pale skin just turn you on?”

“ _Oh my God_.”

Jeremy ended up cracking a smile and giggling at his words. “Sorry, am I taking it too far yet? I’m trying to be stereotypical.”

“I hate it.”

“Aw, but I thought we had something special!”

“Okay, but seriously, this doesn’t change anything between us?” Michael’s tone of voice had once again softened, relapsing into a sensitive timbre.

“You’re still Michael. You haven’t changed, I just know more about you. Why would that ruin anything between us?”

Michael was quiet after Jeremy’s response. “I-I….Thanks, J.”

“No problem, Mikey-wikey.”

“Alright, you ruined it.”

“Don’t I ruin everything?”

Michael gasped. “Never say that to me ever again. How _dare_ you! I am the only one who can insult Jeremy Heere.”

“Get out. You can’t even roast me.”

“ _BOI_ , you’re so blind because you never even thought I was gay for a second. Do you even have a gaydar?”

“Stop.”

“Do you need my glasses? They’re gay, too.”

“ _Stop_.”

* * *

**From: player 1**

**(3:26 pm)**

 

dude u have this i believe in u

 

**player 1:** ur gonna minigolf the hell outta christine

 

**player 1:** if she does the whole “i don’t know how to golf!” or “i’m so bad can you show me?” move shes so wants to bone

 

**player 1:** but dont actually bone her dude its only the first date

 

**player 1:** dont b creepy and go for an end of the night kiss

 

**player 1:** like that shits weird

 

**player 1:** and dont be afraid to be relatable   


**player 1:** make her laugh girls love that

 

**player 1:** im gonna keep texting u advice since im the gay best friend

 

**player 1:** i know girls so fucking well

 

**player 1:** seriously dude don’t stress too much

 

**player 1:** be yourself and give her a good time

 

**player 1:** i seriously believe in you and you’re going to to do so well!!!!

 

**player 1:** im actually really proud that you asked her out sooooo

 

**player 1:** alright, blease, just don’t be **_BONELESS_ **

 

**player 1:** im dying scoob save me

 

**player 1:** GO GET EM TIGER I BELIEVE IN YOU YOULL DO AWESOME

 

**player 1:** HAVE A FUN MINIGOLF DATE AND LEAVE ROOM FOR JESUS

 

**you:** Thanks, Michael. I really needed that peptalk

 

**player 1:** :D

 

**you:** :-)

 

* * *

**To: player 1**

**(6:12 pm)**

 

Hey can i come over

 

**player 1:** yeah why

 

**you:** Is it cool if i spend the night too

 

**player 1:** dude that’s always cool

 

**player 1:** j? whats up? y do u need to come over?

 

**player 1:** is it ur dad?

 

**you:** No no it’s not my dad. I just

 

**you:** Need to come over, alright?

 

**player 1:** okay

 

**player 1:** do u want me to start up video games? or get weed?

 

**you:** Whatever you want to do

 

**player 1:** ok

 

**player 1:** j u alright?

 

**player 1:** j?

 

**player 1:** jer?

 

**player 1:** jeremy?

 

**you:** I’m heading over now

 

**player 1:** okay see u

  


**you:** No I’m not alright |

**you:** No I’m not alri|

**you:** No I’m n|

**you:** No I’|

**you:** N|

**you:** |

**you:** O|

**you:** Oka|

**you:** Okay. |

 

**Sent.**

* * *

Michael didn’t like it when Jeremy sent cryptic texts.

Jeremy was a straightforward person, rarely did he ever not talk about how he felt. They had breached the level in friendship where such a characteristic is awkward and honestly it really helped Michael understand Jeremy better. Jeremy would often just say, “I’m tired. Let’s sleep.” or “My stomach hurts.” or  “I’m stressed. I want video games.”. Or, you could often tell from his tone of voice if he was tired or angry or jovial. He was pretty easy to read, even if he kept a few personal secrets.

But, over the phone, Jeremy’s feelings and easy-readability could be lost in translation.

Still, Michael knew how Jeremy acted and knew that _something_ was off in those texts.

Michael scrolled to the earlier messages, remembering what Jeremy had been doing before.

Was it the date?

It couldn’t have gone _that_ bad.

Jeremy was a good guy. He could crack witty jokes and had the smile of an angel. He was _cute_ , not too handsome but cute. He used to be pretty dependable (Michael’s still wondering if that was the case.), and he isn’t rude. He cares about other people _a lot,_ so usually, he treats others with respect and kindness. He doesn’t try to be an asshole, even if he is sometimes. And though Michael is pretty biased, due to his massive four to five-year crush, he still thinks that Jeremy is someone that anyone could really fall for.

Christine would definitely fall for him.

They were adorable together.

Even if it made Michael cry himself to sleep at night. Because Jeremy would never, _ever_ see him in that light.

Jeremy would never look at him like that. He wouldn’t stutter because of adoration to Michael. He wouldn’t blush and dart his eyes. He wouldn’t obsess over all of Michael’s features. He wouldn’t light up when Michael entered a room.

No. Michael had already admitted his defeat when Jeremy first mentioned his enormous crush on Christine Canigula years ago.

It was the reason why Michael had debated smoking a joint after texting Jeremy, wishing him luck on the date. It was the reason why Michael cursed at the itching of his tongue and fingers to just hold something and smoke it. It was the reason his body longed for a high or some way to get off his mind of Christine and Jeremy together. It was the reason Michael was attacked with images of the Halloween party and the house and burning and smoke because Michael had reached over to a lighter with a rolled joint. It was the reason Michael flung it across the room and started hyperventilating. It was the reason Michael almost left his room to go upstairs and rip a drink from the liquor cabinet. It was the reason why Michael shook his head, telling himself that he didn’t want to hate himself more. It was the reason why Michael instead make chocolate milk after his mental breakdown and pouring the tablespoons of chocolate syrup into the glass of white milk and watching the pure white change to dark brown felt good. It was the reason why Michael blew bubbles into the milk and submerged himself in video games so he didn’t think about what Jeremy was doing.

It was the reason why Michael hated that he couldn’t be straight for just one day so this whole yearning for Jeremy would just cease.

He didn’t want whatever this was.

This

liefdesverdriet.

Or some other untranslatable word that you could find on tumblr.

But, he’d shove it all aside because Jeremy needed him now.

He’d bottle it up for another day because he was too terrified of his feelings to act on them busy.

Busy with life.

The sound of knocking snapped Michael to reality.

Jeremy stood at his front door, looking down at the ground. Michael leapt up from the family room couch and shoved his phone haphazardly in his back pocket.

Hopefully, it didn’t look like he was staring at a black screen, contemplating his inner demons, even though that was exactly what he was doing.

“Hey, come on in,” Michael stated when he swung the door open with a little more force than he intended.

“Thanks.” Jeremy’s tone was slightly off, a certain heaviness in it as he stepped into the house. “Sorry about the short notice. I just, uh….”

“It’s cool, dude,” Michael knew it was better to reply than wait. “It’s nice to have company over. Makes the house feel less empty.”

Jeremy looks up at Michael, a soft look of sorrow and pity in his eyes.

“Don’t look at me like that, J! It means no parental supervision, which in turn, means all of the drugs and all of the alcohols are permitted.”

“And by that, you mean apple juice, animal crackers, and video games until two am, right?”

“You already have the hang of it.” Michael shot Jeremy a wink, causing the other boy to give a whisper of a smile.

They walked downstairs into the basement after grabbing Capri Suns to get to Michael’s room. It wasn’t too large of a space, but it fit Michael really well. The dark-colored walls were filled with posters, from bands to films to books covers to TV shows, all older and more retro. His bed was beside two nightstands and a nearby dresser, all of them having different kinds of lava lamps on them. Close by was the large TV that was already on and playing some version of Tetris on it with two bean bags in front of it. A bookshelf a step or two away was packed with video games and consoles, the shelves were stacked full as well as the top.

Michael liked his room. It was filled with dark reds and navy blues, making it seem always a little dimmer than it actually was. And it was _new_.

“I still can’t believe how awesome your room is,” Jeremy whispered.

“I know, right?” Michael hummed, falling into one of the beanbag chairs. “Pro to my older brother moving out. Get the whole basement to myself, as well as the house when he’s not visiting to do his laundry and get food.”

Jeremy nodded and sat down on the other bean bag slowly, eyes still inspecting the room.

“So,” Michael drawled out the ‘o’ as he looked around. “What do you wanna do?”

Jeremy shrugged and poked a hole into his juice packet. “I don’t know. Whatever.”

Michael sighed. He looked to the shelves of games and inspected the titles for something enjoyable as Jeremy sipped away. “Hey, we still have to get my version of Apocalypse of the Damned up to level nine, right? Is it alright if we do that?”

“Yeah,” Jeremy nodded again.

Michael stood up and went to grab the game from the shelf.

He hated this. He hated this blatant ignoring of the ginormous elephant in the room. He hated tiptoeing around this huge issue. He knew Jeremy wasn’t made of glass, but he really didn’t want Jeremy to just break.

Should he force Jeremy to spill it?

God, what was this, Telltale? _Jeremy will remember that_.

He slid the game into the console and the bright music of Apocalypse of the Damned filled their ears.

It didn’t matter right now. All Michael had to do was comfort Jeremy and when Jeremy was ready to tell him what was the matter, he would. It was as simple as that.

Video games went on for a while. Hours passed and Jeremy started to relax a little. His posture returned to normal as he moved along with the game. Michael and Jeremy shared quips and jokes, laughing at glitches or screeching at deaths. They were starting to return back to themselves. They were fitting the puzzle pieces together, repairing the rift in between them, one step at a time. But, they weren’t completely lined up yet.

There was still a sliver of something keeping them apart.

“No, no, no, NO, NO! NO!” Jeremy screamed at the television. “Are you _kidding_ me? That fucking zombie wasn’t there! You saw that! It’s _horseshit_ , Michael!”

Michael was too busy laughing his ass off to reply. “It fucking _came_ for you, dude. It was on a fucking mission!”

“I hate this game,” Jeremy growled, dropping the controller on the ground. “Fuck this.”

Michael continued to laugh as Jeremy shot him a sour look.

“Why are you still laughing?”

“Because that shit was _funny_.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“Your _mom’s_ an idiot.”

“You are such a child.”

“By definition of law we’re still children, so,” Michael pointed out, the chuckles slowly getting out of his system.

Jeremy only scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“Hey, you wanna break? We’ve been playing for like-” Michael checked his phone, looking at the time. “Three hours.”

“Really? Wow,” Jeremy responded. “No wonder I’m so angry.”

“Jeez, I gotta pee,” Michael groaned, stretching. “I’ll be back. Don’t go through my texts, you’ll see all my side hoes.”

“I know your passcode, Michael.”

“And I know you won’t peek. Or else you’ll find my gay porn stash in private mode on safari.”

“Thanks for letting me know that.”

“No problem, babe.”

Michael winced over to the bathroom and shut the door behind him. Maybe since Jeremy was feeling better, he’d tell Michael what happened. Michael’s brain still itched for the information, hoping it wasn’t as bad as his gut was telling him. He hated that his stomach fell into a pit and was ready to receive any kind of bad information. His mind was telling him the worst while it hoped for the best. Maybe it was just that Jeremy was stressed and tired after his date. Maybe it was that his grandma died.

He needed to _do something_.

He was killing himself over this Jeremy problem and honestly, it was not a good way to live.

Michael turned on the sink, washing his hands. The sudden cold water woke him up for a second. He was being ridiculous. Jeremy would tell him. They were best friends and stronger than ever. Jeremy would tell him what’s wrong.

Right?

Michael breezed out of the bathroom. “You want something to….drink?” He inquired as he walked over to Jeremy, the other boy staring at the carpet with a really sad look. It caught Michael by complete surprise.

“Uh, yeah, sure,” Jeremy shook his head and offered a smile towards Michael.

It was fake.

“What do you want?” Michael asked, ignoring the churning of his stomach and heading over to the mini-fridge in his room. “I got all the nineties soft drinks in the world.”

“Specify.”

“Some Crystal Pepsi, dnL, Jolt Cola, Pepsi Blue, Sprite Remix-”

“I’ll take some Sprite Remix.”

Michael tossed Jeremy a bottle, Jeremy barely grasping the object before it hit the ground. Michael got himself a Crystal Pepsi and hopped back onto his bean bag.

“Hey, Jer,” Michael started after a sip of the buzzing soft drink.

“Woah, you don’t call me Jer often,” Jeremy retorted, cracking open his soda.

“Jer-bear?”

“Now, that’s gay.”

“Which I am.”

“So, continue.”

“Uh, what’s goin on?”

“Dude, now you have that song stuck in my head.”

“What song?”

“The ‘and I said heeeeeyyeyeyeyeyyeyey heeeeeyeyeye I said hey, what’s goin on’ song.” Even though Jeremy said the whole sentence in monotone, Michael’s intuition kicked in.

“Oooohhh. Now I have it stuck in my head, too. Shit.”

“Karma. Bitch.”

“Okay, no seriously, how are you?”

“Why?”

“Because,” Michael shifted in his chair, sitting up and looking straight at Jeremy. “You don’t send me cryptic texts that make me question if you’re alright or not. Jeremy, something’s wrong with you and I want to know what it is so I can make it better.”

“It’s nothing, Michael,” Jeremy huffed, his eyes darted to the right and left, maintaining focus on the floor.

“It’s not nothing if you’re not facing me and talking to me about it.”

“That’s a double negative.”

“Don’t change the subject, Heere.”

“Ooo, Heere. That’s a heavy approach on my name.”

“Jeremy.”

He didn’t respond. He only continued to avoid Michael’s eye contact and huddled into the bean bag, crossing his arms and legs.

“Please.”

“ _I don’t want to talk about it,_ ” Jeremy’s tone instantly sliced through Michael. “Okay?”

“Woah, calm down, dude,” Michael replied. “I don’t want to attack you-”

“But, you are, okay?” Jeremy interrupted. “Just leave it alone. It doesn’t matter.”

“If it’s affecting you this much, it should matter-”

“Why are you so concerned? I said it doesn’t matter and leave it alone. So, just fucking leave it alone.”

“I’m only concerned because you’re being really defensive and aggressive-”

“ _I’m not defensive_.”

“Jeremy-”

“ _No._ Just, stop. Leave it be, Michael.”

Normally, Michael would have left it alone. He would have shrugged it off and pretended like nothing happened. He would ignore the sinking in his chest and the heavy heart he held. He would ignore the guilt of knowing that he wouldn’t know what’s going on inside Jeremy’s head.

But, not anymore.

No. Michael was tired of being pushed into silence.

“Jeremy. Please, I’ll stop prying if you just _tell me_.”

“Michael-”

“No,” Michael retorted. “I thought we promised no secrets. I thought we promised we would both be open and upfront about this shit. Why won’t you let me help you?”

“Because you’ve helped me so much!” Jeremy yelled back. “You’ve done so much for me and I can’t repay you! And it feels like I can’t ever pay you back! I feel like I have this eternal debt for you and it sucks because I want to help you but I can’t and I-”

“That’s what friends are for!” Michael returned. “They are supposed to help you when time gets tough! Yeah, you owe them, but when they are feeling down, you pay it back! It’s not supposed to be this easy system. Don’t simplify this. Friendship is fucking hard, but I’m willing to help you if you just _let me_.”

“What if I don’t want _your_ help?”

Michael’s insides burned at the question.

“Who else is going to help you?”

Jeremy gasped and gave Michael a look of disbelief.

_Shit, that was bad_ . _That wasn’t just bad; that was mean_.

It was silent.

Jeremy looked to the side and closed his eyes, focusing on the carpet.

Michael’s brain was working overtime to come up with an apology that wouldn’t sound forced.

“Jerem-”

“Y’know what,” Jeremy huffed and directed his attention back to Michael. “Fuck you.”

Michael struggled with the words; only sounds fell from his mouth.

“That really hurt,” Jeremy stated.

“J, I-”

“Don’t. You meant it.”

“I wasn’t-”

“I get it now. You pity me.”

Michael was rushed back. _Woah, wait, what?_

“Because I was dumb enough to buy and take that stupid pill,” Jeremy continued. “Because I almost ruined everything for myself for some girl I barely knew. Because I couldn’t just accept my status as some non-popular weirdo.”

“Woah, hold up, J-”

“Well, I’m sorry I can’t be like you and just bounce back from all the shit that happened.”

“I never expected that-”

“And I can’t just mesh to be best friends with Brooke and Chloe and Jake.”

“J-”

“And I can’t just be fucking _normal_.”

“Okay, _woah_. Normal doesn’t exist. It’s some fantasy humans made up a long time ago with perfection. It’s different for every person so fuck off with that shit; it’s all about perception. And I never expected you to bounce back and recover perfectly and hang out with all these new people. It’s why I came back to school and stayed with you so you would have an anchor of familiarity. And I also did it for personal reasons, like because I’m your friend and I missed seeing you in school and etcetera.”

“You pity me.”

“I don’t.”

“Then, why are you looking at me like that?”

_I really really like-like you and I can’t say love because I’m really afraid of that word and holy shit you’re way too fragile and innocent and I just want to protect you from yourself._

“I admire you.”

That instantly quieted Jeremy.

“You…..admire? Me?” Jeremy’s soft hesitant tone made Michael’s heart melt.

“Jeremy, you conquered a supercomputer. Isn’t that fucking amazing? You won at chess against a computer, which is the hardest opponent. You were smart enough to shut it down and not only that but have enough motivation to get it in the first place. You were strong enough to go get one, even though you had no idea what the whole thing was. And even when you shut it down, you didn’t just save yourself, you saved six other people as well.”

Jeremy’s blue eyes were so beautiful in this awkward lighting.

_God, I’m very gay_.

“And,” Michael continued. “You’re so strong because you’re still fighting this thing even though it’s gone and I could never do that. And you’ve learned from it which demonstrates so much growth on your part. Not only that, but you made an effort to go outside of your comfort zone and sit with other people and talk and make friends with all these other people. You’ve helped subdue your stutters and are starting to get more confident. And you talked to Christine instead of cowering. Not only that, but you gained enough courage to ask her out. Jeremy, look at how awesome you are. How could I not admire you?”

Michael’s heart was bursting through his chest and he was no doubt a blushing mess at this point. But, Jeremy couldn’t see that, due to him turning his face and hiding his eyes in his hand.

Michael was quiet. Had he said too much? What would Jeremy think? Did he know about Michael’s huge enormous crush on him?

“I…..” Jeremy whimpered, a sniff interfering with the rest of the sentence. “That…. _Michael_.”

Michael’s heart swelled once more and Michael thought it was going to rip him in half. He was going to die because of this boy. “Jeremy. It’s okay to tell me what’s wrong. You’ve been through so much. The least I could do is listen to your problems.”

Jeremy’s eyes were filled with tears as he stood for a second and then collapsed onto Michael’s form.

Michael was in shock when Jeremy fell on top of him. But, then, all he could hear was Jeremy’s soft sobs and feel his quick inhales of breath, and Michael curled his arms slowly around Jeremy’s torso.

Jeremy’s hands laid on Michael’s shoulders as he cried into Michael’s chest.

“Christine friendzoned me,” Jeremy sobbed. “And, I mean, I’m not mad about that. It’s, just, that….I thought the date went so well. And….that maybe she liked me? And then she told me after the date that she didn’t feel anything and I….She was so nice and pretty and funny and I made her laugh because we told jokes to each other...I learned about her and her family….I thought I did so well, but she said she didn’t want me in that way….And I mean, I respect it, but…….Am I just not good enough?”

“No, hush,” Michael said calmly; his hand in Jeremy’s hair, stroking the soft locks.

“Did I do something wrong? Did I not do something? Like, I get it….I’m not attractive but..like..”

“Jeremy, if she said she didn’t feel a certain way, it means you could’ve done everything right. She’s just not interested.”

“I get that she doesn’t feel anything for me, but, was it because I said or did something?”

“No. Jeremy, she thinks of you as a friend. You probably did everything perfectly. I bet that you dated the _shit_ out of her.”

Jeremy’s raspy soft chuckle made Michael’s insides squish with happiness.

“It’s just how the cards played out.”

“Are you sure it wasn’t something I did?”

“J, I’m so sure, I’d gamble on it.”

Jeremy was silent and still.

Michael just continued to run his hand through Jeremy’s hair.

“Then, why does it still hurt?” Jeremy whispered after a long moment.

“Because, it always hurts to be rejected,” Michael replied.

Jeremy just made a noise and burrowed deeper into Michael’s chest.

“But, you don’t have to do this alone, okay?”

“I have my Player one.” Michael barely understood Jeremy’s muffled statement.

“Yes, you do.”

_Forever and always_.

* * *

All Jeremy wanted to do was bury himself into Michael.

All he needed was for Michael to hold him and just be there.

He didn’t need words or music or anything.

He just needed Michael’s arms around him and to feel his warmth and to know that his presence was there and that someone really cared enough to just sit and be still with him.

He just needed the soft embrace and the kind supportive words that can be left unsaid.

He just needed Michael.

And while he lay there, letting himself dissolve into Michael’s undying support,

for once, there was no noise in his head.

All there was was the soft pounding of his heart and a tingly, warm feeling flying through his body.

He just let himself go.

And Michael caught him.

* * *

“Oh! I’m sorry-”

“...”

“A-are you okay?”

“......”

“Oh, I-um-you-are-you need a place to sit?”

“......”

“Okay. May I ask why you are crying?”

“...”

“Cause, like, I don’t, um, know how to comfort crying people.”

“...”

“Even though I, like, cry all t-the time-and I just said that aloud, I’m sorry. Wow. I-i’m bad at this.”

“.....”

“.....”

“.......”

“.......”

“........”

“Sorry. For whatever happened to make you cry.”

“.....”

“......”

“.........”

“Are you doing okay? Not like, good or bad, just okay?”

“.....”

“Should I leave?”

“..........”

“I really don’t want to because I’m kind of in the same spot as you. I guess. If that’s alright.”

“.....”

“You don’t seem too disgusted with the idea, so, I’ll just sit near you if that’s okay...Please, you don’t have to talk to me. Just, um, pretend like I’m not here.”

“.......”

“.......”

“.........”

“Your costume is cute. You don’t see many dog costumes.”

“..........”

“..........”

“...........”

“...........”

“...............”

“...............”

“...................”

“....................”

“It sucks how even your best friend for like eight years of your life just fucking dumps you on the side of the road like it’s nothing.”

“...”

“Like, I thought that maybe, just maybe, I wouldn’t be a fucking fool. I thought that maybe I wouldn’t be played again. I thought that maybe, just _maybe_ , I could have something that Chloe didn’t have. Y’know?”

“...”

“I had a boyfriend that didn’t treat me like complete fucking garbage. Who actually cared about me. Who complimented me and said, ‘hey, you look cute today.’ and he sounded like he _meant_ it. Like, he cared enough about me to notice that my eyes are hazel and when I wear green they change color. He didn’t have to _love_ me. He didn’t have to follow me and be head-over-heels for me, but he just had to like me. And yet, it felt like he cared. I just wanted to be cared about.”

“...”

“But, then he goes on and sleeps with my best friend. Friend. Ha. Some friend and some boyfriend. I-I-I just-UGH! I just want someone to just notice me? I just need someone to _care_ about me? I don’t want to be picky and rude and mean. I just want someone who doesn’t fuck my best friends and ruin my fucking life.”

“...”

“And I just want someone who understands, I guess. I live in this world of people who think I’m an idiot blonde that is apparently loaded because I hang out with Chloe Valentine. But, the only reason I hang out with her is because she’s everything I’m not! She’s hot and confident and like perfect in everyone’s eyes! She’s the popular one because she _knows_ how to get into people’s heads and manipulate so many people. And she even manipulated _me_! And we’ve been friends since second fucking grade. Before all the popular shit. Before all the manipulation. We were friends that laughed and snorted and had sleepovers and we promised our friendship would last for-fucking-ever.”

“...”

“And it all got me here. Sobbing in a bathroom to a stranger that I don’t want to leave because I actually don’t trust myself to be alone right now. Because it feels like I’m drowning and there’s no way out and everything is in black and white and fuzzy and I just want to turn my vision back to HD but there’s not going back because I lost the fucking remote. And you want to know a secret?”

“...”

“I’m fucking _pan_ ! I’ve been pansexual for a year or two now! And technically I’ve been pan for longer but I just thought I was identifying with the sexuality because I just wanted attention! But, no. Turns out having dreams about your best friend getting married to you is actually a sign that says ‘hey, you’re gay.’ And so I had to wrestle with this inner demon that was telling me, ‘no, you just want to _be_ Chloe Valentine, not fuck her.’ And it took me forever to realize that yeah, I do want to fuck Chloe Valentine.”

“...”

“I want to cuddle her and kiss her and whisper in her ear about how much I love her and I want to hold her in my arms and I want to tell her that no matter how sad she is, it’s going to be okay. I just want her to know that every single time I talk to her, there are butterflies in my stomach and my lungs burn and my fingers tingle and my tongue suddenly can’t fit in my mouth and I just have this huge desire to just hold her hand. And I hate how we can practically cuddle on the couch and watch movies, but we’re still just friends. I hate how she could kiss me and still be _straight_.”

“...”

“I’ve had to friendzone guys before and it really sucks when they say, ‘you don’t know what it’s like.’ Really? You’ve known me for a week. _You’re_ the one who has no idea how I’ve had a huge burning thing for my best friend for _years_ . And I’m not an asshole or ever expect anything to be acted upon it because I realize that she _doesn’t like me like that!_ And that’s okay because I know I’m fucking weird.”

“...”

“I just….I just want someone to notice that I care. I know I say I don’t. I know I say nothing matters to me. But, I’m lying. Everything fucking matters to me. I notice when guys come over and just talk to Chloe and leave me alone because I’m not pretty enough. And it really fucking hurts. But, I just suck it up and say I’m fine. But, I’m _not_ . _I’m not okay_. I’ve never been okay. I care so fucking much about it all. I care about what everyone thinks of me. I care about all the looks and the stares and the likes. And I know I’ll never be Chloe Valentine status, but I don’t want to feel like I’m ugly and gross.”

“...”

“Like, the rest of my family is perfect and beautiful. And my mom got on me about my weight. She looked at my thighs and said, ‘you should stop eating so much.’ and I know she didn’t _mean_ to hurt me but holy shit I’ve never been so fucking self-conscious about my thighs. I still hate them, yet all I eat is fucking salads. And my sisters are twigs and my brothers are all fit and I just feel like my life’s so fucked because I don’t know what I’m doing and I feel like this fat bitch, but I’m not? I shouldn’t be so hung up on my weight, but I can’t ever scrub my mom’s words out of my mind-and I just want to be pretty.”

“...”

“And I’m so _tired_. I’m so tired of caring about all of this shit. I’m so tired of worrying about what everyone thinks of me. I just want to be confident in myself. But, I can’t. Because I think I’m so ugly, yet people say I’m pretty? My mom calls me beautiful but she’s my mom and doesn’t count because she has bias. I just want to know if I’m ugly or not. Am I? Am I really that ugly?”

“....”

“....”

“Honey, even though your makeup is fucked up and you’re probably at your lowest you could ever be, you still look incredible.”’

“Ha….haha…..”

“Oh shit, I-”

“No, I’m crying in a good way. I promise. Ahahaha.”

“I didn’t know if that was rhetorical or not.”

“Honestly, I didn’t know either.”

“Aha.”

“Haha.”

“...”

“I’m Brooke. Lohst. And that’s low-est, not lost like everyone says.”

“I, uh, know. You’re, um, pretty popular.”

“Thanks, I guess.”

“Um. Michael. Mell.”

“Nice to meet you, Michael. Sorry I burst into the bathroom and ranted to you. I’m just having a mental breakdown, y’know?”

“I feel you, sister.”

“Aha.”

“Seriously, I _really_ feel you.”

“How so?”

“I’m also in the pining for your best friends club.”

“Oh, who is she?”

“I’m also gay.”

“Oh. Oh! Wait! You get it. Like the whole…”

“Yeah.”

“Oh my _God_.”

“And my best friend also stabbed me in the back an hour or two before this, sooo…”

“Wow.”

“Yeah.”

“I guess we’re birds of a feather that flock together.”

“In the bathroom at a Halloween party.”

“Ahaha! That’s actually kinda funny.”

“I pride myself on self-deprecating comedy and depression.”

“Hah. I feel that.”

“...”

“So, you can go ahead and tell everyone about this. I-I really don’t care anymore. I mean, if you’re going to ruin my reputation, please leave out the whole ‘I have a crush on Chloe Valentine’ thing. Because she’d kill me if I ruined her, too.”

“Why would I do that?”

“Because that’s what people do. They stab you in the back and laugh as you fall.”

“Woah. Woah. I’m not going to do that. What would I gain from dishing all that shit out?”

“Jenna Rolan popularity status.”

“Nah, I’m good, thanks. I’d rather just hold against you so we could stay friends.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah, I’m kinda without friends right now, sooo….”

“I wouldn’t mind that, Michael.”

“What?”

“Being your friend. You don’t seem like too bad of a person. Except that whole holding my sexuality as a hostage.”

“You could hold my sexuality as hostage, too.”

“How much damage would it really do?”

“Quite a bit. Gay people aren’t regarded highly in our school, as evident from Rich’s constant be-ratings.”

“I’d have to come out then as well, so we’d be forced to sit together at the loser table.”

“I don’t think I’d mind it, then.”

“Me neither.”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“Hey, do you mind if I borrow your phone to call my sister to pick me up? I’m kinda tipsy and I hate drunk drivers.”

“Here, go ahead.”

“Thank you.”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“Hey, sis? Yeah. Jake Dillinger’s. You already have the address? Thank you. No, I’m not drunk. No. He cheated on me with Chloe, so we’re kind of over. Yeah. Sonic does sound pretty good right now. Thanks. Love you. See you in ten.”

“...”

“Thank you, again.”

“No problem.”

“My phone number’s in there as well. So, text me. I think we should hold pinging-for-my-best-friend club meetings.”

“Aha.”

“I gotta get downstairs and on the lawn for my sis.”

“Do you mind if I walk you down there? I gotta test my soberness before I drive home.”

“I do not mind a bit.”

“Hey, uh, Brooke?”

“Hm?”

“You’re pretty awesome for, like, a popular kid.”

“You’re pretty awesome, too, Michael.”


	4. little place inside this world

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH M Y GOD this chapter was so hard to write apparently.  
> is it bad that I just want to push jeremy and michael together like right now.  
> rip i have no editor and it's too late to fix it now s o ahah  
> i hope no one calls me out for changing the format of a chapter because I'm too lazy to write it rip
> 
> okay sorry this is a month late and i've been busy and dying and having writer block pains its tough  
> but we're more than halfway through so ahahahahahah
> 
> for michael playing guitar: my idea of it, acoustictrench on youtube. that's my inspo. 
> 
> alright enjoy the chapter

**Chapter 4- little place inside this world**

 

_ I remember the first night that she went _

_ To find her little place inside this world _

_ I won't forget the way she broke her tape down _

_ She needed it now _

_ She ran into it all _

 

* * *

Michael almost screamed when he awoke to pressure on his chest and legs.

And then he almost started to sob when he opened his eyes and saw Jeremy Heere’s soft curls on his chest.

Instead, he inhaled sharply and drew his eyes to the ceiling. 

Jeremy’s soft breaths and his thudding heart filled his ears.

_ Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. _

He needed to get it together. 

An eternity passed and finally, his chest started to calm down.

Michael let his thoughts gather while his eyes flickered around the room. Light streamed in from the small basement window near the duo that was sprawled out on Michael’s bed. Michael extended an arm slowly to the nightstand beside him and grabbed his pair of glasses that had been folded up nicely. He slid them on his face one-handed, peering back down at Jeremy’s sleeping form.

Their legs were intertwined their socks brushing against each other. Jeremy laid halfway on Michael’s chest, his right hand close to Michael’s right shoulder. Jeremy’s sleeping face looked right and his left hand just seemed to fall onto the bed. Michael’s left arm had been wrapped around Jeremy, touching the boy’s neck softly, while his right arm had been tucked near his head. 

It was so….. _ gay _ .

And everything Michael wished he had.

Jeremy curled around his side every morning; their legs constantly battling, their hands placed sporadically, their arms binding each other together, their hearts beating as one as they breathed together. 

And Jeremy waking up, looking into Michael’s eyes and whispering a raspy “Good morning.”

And Michael would just plant a kiss right on those tender lips. Then, he could gripe about morning breath, but he still would want just one more kiss. 

His chest  _ ached _ . 

And his bladder moaned.

He had to  _ pee _ .

_ Fuck. _

Michael milked the moment, letting the domestic images enter his mind once more. He just needed to pretend for one minute more. 

It only made his heartache worse.

Michael moved deliberately, letting Jeremy fall off of him at a crawling pace. He held Jeremy with cautious hands as he moved the other boy off. Another year or two passed and finally, Michael was free from Jeremy’s impressive grip. 

Jeremy mumbled something and curled up into a ball. Michael’s heart nearly burst. He searched for a blanket and once he found it, he set it on Jeremy’s form. Michael looked at this gentle, raw version of Jeremy with a giddy feeling rising in his mind. 

_ God,  _ he was head-over-heels for this kid.

He pressed his lips to Jeremy’s forehead, unable to stop himself and the rush of emotions. His hand curling into Jeremy’s silky hair and his thumb rubbing delicately against Jeremy’s temple.

“You’re going to kill me, Jeremy Heere,” he whispered.

Jeremy breathed in return.

Michael tore himself away and practically ran to the bathroom.

His stomach growled loudly, a muted pain showing itself. He was ravenous. And thirsty.

Michael washed his hand rapidly, then he snuck to the door of the basement. He closed it quietly behind him and he darted up the stairs. 

“Good morning, Michael,” a deep maternal voice caused Michael’s heart rate to shoot up.

“Mom!” Michael practically screamed as he entered the kitchen. 

His mother stood at the stove, a pan on the burner and spatula in hand. A bowl of pancake batter sat beside it and there were already a few pancakes on a plate nearby. 

She turned and smiled; her teeth were slightly crooked, due to her never getting treatment. The bags were dark under her eyes and crow’s feet were starting to develop near her soft brown eyes. Half of her dark hair was pulled back in a small half-up-half-down look, small whispies near her ears. 

“You’re still in scrubs,” Michael commented, not knowing what to say.

“Yeah, I got in late last night,” she hummed and turned back to the stove. “It was, like, three or something.”

“Wow,” Michael blinked, moving and sitting on a barstool. “Did you get to sleep?”

“Barely,” she replied. “I have an afternoon shift today and I’m booked all throughout the week.”

“Do you think we could have dinner tonight?”

“Hopefully. What do you think we should have?”

“Mashed potatoes and mac’n’cheese.”

His mother laughed softly, the sound calming Michael.

“That’s quite a bit of starch, honey.”

“Come on, Mom. I haven’t eaten that since I was, like, nine.”

“I’ll have to run by the store and get some potatoes.”

“I can do it.”

“I’ll leave the credit card out, then. And just in case I don’t make it home in time, I’ll leave you with a recipe.”

“But, you’ll try and make it home, right?”

“I’ll do everything in my power, honey.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

A small beat of sizzling occupied the conversation.

“I came down to check on you last night.”

_ Shit. _ Michael flinched. “Sorry, I didn’t tell you Jeremy was coming over. It’s just he needed a place to stay-”

“I’m not angry about him being over,” his mother turned back and shot Michael a confused look. “The Heere’s are practically family to us.”

“I should’ve told you-”

“Michael, you are practically an adult. You can make your own decisions and I don’t need to be told every single one of them. Jeremy is always welcome to stay over. I don’t mind his presence.”

“Okay.”

“Are you two dating, though?”

Michael loved and hated his mother’s bluntness. “ _ Mom _ . He’s straight.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“It does. It means no. He would never date me. He’s in love with Christine. I thought we went over this.”

“You two were sleeping in such a compromising position. It’s enough to make me wonder.”

“ _ Mom _ .”

“I was only asking, Michael.”

_ I only wish we were, Mom. _

* * *

“See you later!” Jeremy yelled to Michael’s car as it backed out the driveway.

Michael’s hand waved out of the window and Jeremy smirked.

Jeremy watched Michael’s PT Cruiser putt away and hummed at the lightness in his chest. Once it was gone, he turned and went into his house from the garage. He noticed his dad’s car and instantly felt his stomach drop. 

He didn’t tell his dad he was over at Michael’s.

Why was he worried? His father was cool about all that kind of stuff.

Right?

Jeremy opened the door, the rattling of the garage door closing filling his ears. He stepped into the house and the door shut behind him. He walked slowly, the only sound around him was his shoes  _ tap, tap, taps  _ on the floor. 

When he saw his dad at the table, Jeremy felt his blood drain from his face. 

“Jeremy,” his father’s words were soft and devoid of emotion.

“Hey, dad,” Jeremy struggled to say.

“Sit down, please.”

Jeremy shuffled and sat down at the table, facing his father. He opened his mouth to start saying something but was interrupted by a stern look from his dad. 

“I don’t want to yell at you. I don’t want to rave and scream, because in the end that makes a fool out of you and out of me. I want to talk, understand?”

Jeremy nodded, a knot tied securely in his throat.

“I’m going to be honest, I was a little worried when I went into your room to wake you up and you weren’t there. I almost freaked out until I called Michael’s mother to ask if you were over.”

“Why?” Jeremey couldn’t stop the words from leaving his mouth. “You never used to care about where I went.”

His dad sighed. “I told you I was going to be a little harsher. I told you that I’m changing things around here, which means this kind of stuff  _ has  _ to adjust with it. I need to know where you are, Jeremy. I need to know who you’re with. I need to know what’s going on. I’m  _ worried _ .”

Jeremy just focused on a spot right past his dad’s face and hoped to God that this would end soon.

“We need to set a curfew for you. So, what do you think?”

Jeremy shrugged.

“Midnight isn’t too harsh?”

Jeremy didn’t know why he expected something earlier. He nodded. “Midnight is fine.”

“Good.”

An unsettling silence settled over the table.

“Listen,” Jeremy’s dad started. “I don’t mind you being over at Michael’s house and spending the night. Just, tell me when you’re going over so I don’t freak out? I know you’re almost eighteen and you can go around and do whatever, but I just want to know where you are so that I’m not oblivious. A simple text would do.”

“Okay,” Jeremy nodded.

“I don’t want to seem too neurotic, but it would help me calm my nerves.”

Jeremy nodded again. This wasn’t something he was used to. His dad didn’t really sit him down in the past. It was always….mom.

“I’m sorry. We don’t normally do this, do we?”

Jeremy shook his head. 

“This is weird for me, too. I don’t like this whole sitting down, being stern thing. I’m not very good at it.”

“You’re not too bad, Dad.”

Jeremy’s words caused his dad to smile a little. “And you’re pretty fun, son.”

Jeremy scoffed while his father laughed at his own joke. 

“ _ Dad _ ,” Jeremy drawled in exasperation. “I only just came home and you’ve already made a dad joke.”

“It’s the reason why I’m here, Jeremy,” he replied, a smile sitting on his face. 

Jeremy just rolled his eyes.

After a moment, Jeremy’s dad sighed and his smile dropped. “We also need to talk about something else.”

“Mm?” Jeremy responded.

“Well….I don’t really know how to say this...but...um...The doctors suggested that maybe you should go to therapy.”

“I’m already doing my physical therapy stuff.”

“Not...that kind of...therapy.”

Jeremy raised his eyebrow.

“They referred me to a psychiatrist. She works with teens a lot and she’s apparently very good with her work. She has rave reviews. And I may have signed you up for a time.”

“ _ What _ ?” Jeremy’s voice was soft but intense.

“I was going to talk with you before you had the appointment. And Jeremy, if you really don’t want to do it, I won’t make you go, I swear. I signed up just in case so that we wouldn’t have to wait until forever to get a spot.”

Jeremy leaned back in his chair and crossed his arm, staring at the ground in slight anger.

“I just think it would be a good idea.”

“Why? I’m perfectly fine,” Jeremy spat.

“Jeremy-”

“No, Dad. I don’t know why you think I need  _ therapy _ . I’ve been acting  _ fine _ . I’m perfectly happy and stable and I don’t need someone to just sit and talk to. I don’t.”

“Jeremy, you’ve woken up screaming the past few nights you’ve been here.”

That quieted Jeremy.

“Something  _ is  _ wrong. I know it’s wrong. Ever since you started acting weird and then you snapped and then I get a call that you’re in a hospital-” Jeremy’s dad sighed. “There’s something going on in your head that I know isn’t normal. I’m not saying that you’re bad or wrong or not strong enough to take this on. I’m saying that this person can  _ help _ you feel better. They aren’t doing the work for you. They’re there to unload all your problems and listen. They are there to tell you what’s wrong with you and help solve that problem. Don’t think I’m trying to attack you, Jeremy. I just know that you won’t tell me what’s wrong and I understand that, so therapy is a way you can let that out. It isn’t healthy to keep it all in.”

Jeremy just sat, absorbing his dad’s words. 

“I would strongly encourage you to go. But, if you  _ really  _ don’t want to, I won’t make you.”

Jeremy trained his eyes to the ground.

They were both silent for a moment.

“I’ll let you think about it,” Jeremy’s dad hummed, standing up from the table. “Now, I’m going to go get some dinner. Do you want anything?”

Jeremy shrugged.

“How about some Chinese?”

“Sounds fine.”

“I’ll be back then.”

* * *

**how can you be home of phobic**

**(2:28 pm)**

 

**rich:** GUESS WHOS GONNA BE BACK IN SCHOOL RIGHT BEFORE THANKSGVING BREAK

 

**michael:** jenna

 

**jenna:** yup, that’s me

 

**brooke:** Omg Raven Symone is that you?

 

**chloe:** holy shit i know a celebrity

 

**rich:** IHATE

 

**jeremy:** I’ll listen to you Rich

 

**rich:** b a be 

 

**michael:** BAB E WTF 

 

**rich:** O s HIT  BAB E 

 

**jake:** wtf

 

**michael:** I SAW U HANGIN OUT WITH JEREMY YESTERDAY

 

**rich:** M-m-m ICHAEL ITS NOT WHAT YOU THINk

 

**michael:** I WONT HESITATE

 

**michael:** B I T C H

 

**jenna:** i literally hate this gm wtf

 

**rich:** im sorry babe i know jerbear is important 2 u 

 

**rich:** i ll make sure to communicate better

 

**michael:** its okay babe i forgive you (-3-)~<3

 

**jake:** ???????

 

**jeremy:** ???U m where did the jerbear come from????

 

**jake:** And the babe thing?   
  


**brooke:** It’s the movie about the pig.

 

**jenna:** charlotte’s web?

 

**chloe:** GET OUT WTF

 

**christine:** I understand the joke, but those are two very different things.

 

**rich:** CHRISTINE UR ALIVE

 

**jake:** she haTh RISEN

 

**chloe:** christine is RIGHt

 

**michael:** Eyo suh chris

 

**jeremy:** Hey Christine!

 

**christine:** Good afternoon, everybody. 

 

**christine:** Quick update: new phone, so hopefully, I won’t have as much trouble as I’ve had with numbers and contacts.

 

**christine:** Now, Rich, are you gonna be out soon?

 

**rich:** im already out. ive literally screamed off rooftops that im bi

 

**michael:** omg get out 

 

**chloe:** fucc off rich

 

**jeremy:**  I  m  

 

**jenna:** ch l oe u just typed fu cc

 

**jenna:** almost li ke 

 

**jenna:** succ

 

**michael:** C hLOE ARE U A SECRET MEMER

 

**chloe:** No

 

**chloe:** I am not. I hate memes. What even are memes? Don’t know her.

 

**brooke:** Chloe. It’s okay to come clean. Your father and I will still love you after all.

 

**jenna:** yeah, son. It’s okay. We accept you for who you are.

 

**chloe:** I Am NOt a secret memer

 

**jake:** chloe

 

**jake:** do you really want to say that

 

**chloe:** j A ke u wouldn’t

 

**jake:** I have the reciptes chloe

 

**rich:** *receipts 

 

**michael:** ooo kill him

 

**rich:** don’t do that dad i love him

 

**michael:** daddy ;D

 

**jeremy:** Is anyone looking for a best friend? Cause I just dumped mine.

 

**jake:** I’ll take you up on that offer. 

 

**michael:** J   NO 

 

**rich:** JAKEY D N O O 

 

**christine:** Okay, now that that’s over. Let’s get down to business

 

**michael:** T O DEFEAT

 

**jeremy:** THE HUNS

 

**rich:** DI d THEY SEND me 

 

**jenna:** memers

 

**jake:** WHEN I ASKED FoR

 

**chloe:** gun

 

**brooke:** That’s sexist. 

 

**christine:** I m l eaving lif e

 

**rich:** OkAY SO I’M GETTING OUT OF THE HOSPITAL REAL SOON BEFORE THANKSGIVING BREAK

 

**michael:** YAYYAY

 

**jeremy:** :-DDDDD

 

**chloe:** [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Bix44C1EzY ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Bix44C1EzY)

 

**jenna:** Im a proud father

 

**jake:** I CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU EVERY DAY RICH

 

**rich:** ME TOO JAKEY D

 

**michael:** hah GAAAA

 

**jeremy:** Michael. Don’t do it. You can’t talk.

 

**michael:** AAAAYYYY

 

**michael:** fuc u jerbear

 

**brooke:** WE SHOULD HAVE A PARTY

 

**jake:** are you sure about that?

 

**michael:** [ https://youtu.be/BLikP6BDH5w](https://youtu.be/BLikP6BDH5w)

 

**rich:** michael

 

**jeremy:** Michael

 

**chloe:** michael

 

**brooke:** Michael

 

**jenna:** michael

 

**jake:** michael

 

**Christine:** Michael

 

**michael:** STOP

 

**brooke:** Yeah, I’m sure because I think we should celebrate Rich and Jeremy getting out  of the hospital

 

**brooke:** And we’re all like friends now…..Sooooooo

 

**chloe:** so you mean just like a party between all of us right?

 

**brooke:** Of course! 

 

**jake:** o shit then hell yeah

 

**rich:** jakey censor yourself there are children present

 

**jeremy:** What does shit mean, dad

 

**michael:** don’t say that word son

 

**michael:** and u can call me daddy ;P

 

**jeremy:** Is there any way to delete someone else’s texts

 

**brooke:** I thought we all agreed on it earlier and then we’d have theater 101 with Christine….

 

**christine:** :)

 

**jeremy:** *:-)

 

**rich:** I HA T E 

 

**jeremy:** *IHATE

 

**rich:** cash me outside hah bah dah

 

**michael:** OLD MEME

 

**jake:** FAKE MEMER

 

**jenna:** FAKE NEWS

 

**brooke:** So, are we still on at Chloe’s house?

 

**chloe:** fuck the hell yeah

 

**christine:** I’ll bring musicals

 

**jenna:** I’ll bring real comedy

 

**jake:** i’ll bring crutches

 

**rich:** i’ll bring casts

 

**jeremy:** I’ll bring Michael

 

**michael:** i’ll bring sebastian

 

**jeremy:** OMG REALLY BRING HIM PLEASE

 

**brooke:** ???????

 

**jenna:** omg brooke doesn’t know. what does that mean

 

**rich:** WHOs SEBASTIAN AR E YOU CHEATING ON ME

 

**michael:** no he’s my guitar

 

**jeremy:** Elijah’s his ukulele

 

**brooke:** YO U OWN A UKULELE 

 

**michael:** jeremy stop exposing me

 

**jenna:** EXPOSE HIM

 

**jake:** J UST DO IT

 

**jeremy:** YOU SHOULD BRING THEM BOTH BECAUSE YOU CANT BREAK APART HUSBANDS

 

**rich:** YOUR GUITAR AND UKELELE ARE GAY MARRIED

 

**michael:** JE RE MY 

 

**brooke:** I’M SCREAMING HOLY

 

**chloe:** THAT I S ADORABLE I M CRYING

 

**jenna:** TH IIS  IS EVERYTHING

 

**brooke:** MICHAEL WE CAN DO UKULELE DUETS 

 

**michael:** WHAT 

 

**brooke:** I HAVE A SOPRANO AND THEIR NAME IS CAMOMILE 

 

**rich:** THEIR?

 

**brooke:** CAMOMILE’S GENDERFLUID

 

**michael:** O mG im 

 

**rich:** i m DATING UR FUCKING UKELELE

 

**brooke:** *ukulele 

 

**rich:** Alright fuck off

 

**jeremy:** I wish I could be apart of the ukulele squad

 

**jake:** me too 

 

**chloe:** an d me

 

**christine:** I have a baritone and a soprano ukulele? 

 

**michael:** holy fuck

 

**brooke:** OMG Can I date you?

 

**rich:** wo  ah  

 

**jenna:** I have a bass guitar can I join?

 

**michael:** O KA YWE ARE ALL BRING ING OUR MUSICAL INTRUSMENts

 

**jeremy:** :-( 

 

**jeremy:** I don’t have any

 

**jake:** me neither

 

**rich:** me niether

 

**chloe:** me n eith re

 

**michael:** is this a meme?

 

**jenna:** honestly aren’t we all?

 

**jeremy:** I don’t think thats how it works

 

**michael:** jeremy leave britney alone

 

**rich:** yeah jeremy come on man

 

**jeremy:** :....-(

 

**jake:** don’t worry jeremy. I still got u

 

**jeremy:** :-DDDDDD

 

**christine:** Okay, we’re all meeting up at Chloe’s for the “party”?

 

**chloe:** yeet

 

**chloe:** we can choose a time later but literally any time works for me

 

**rich:** *dabs*

 

**michael:** im fucking divorcing you holy shit

 

**rich:** W O W 

 

**rich:** im gonna dab on you cause ur a hater

 

**michael:** what iF I DAB BACK?

 

**chloe:** *you have now been blocked by Jake Paul*

 

**brooke:** You’re a meme, Chloe.

 

**chloe:** u are what u eat

 

**jenna:** whoops I must’ve eaten a mistake

 

**michael:** holy shit jenna same

 

**christine:** J ENN A NO 

 

**rich:**  i     m 

* * *

“-and he told me I should do therapy!”

“....”

“I just...I don’t know. Do you really think sitting with someone and talking about my life will help me?”

“It’s helped others.”

“You’re on his side.”

“Jere-”

“I thought we were best friends.”

“J, I am not on anyone’s side. I just agree with your dad on how therapy is pretty beneficial.”

“How would  _ you _ know?”

“I had to do it in sixth grade because of my….family situation.”

“....Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“So…. did you.. _ like  _ it?”

“No. But, it really helped me. And I mean, I technically should go back to it and maybe work through some current problems...but I’m broke so…”

“Michael.”

“I think you should try it. I mean, why not? It may actually be beneficial. You don’t really know until you try.”

“Are you sure?”

“If you don’t like it, you can quit it.”

“Hm.”

“Hey, it’s your decision. I don’t think there’s personally anything wrong with it, but if you don’t want to, you don’t have to.”

“....okay.”

“Okay.”

“...”

“Just know, I’m not forcing you to do it.”

“I got it.”

“Hey, man. No homo, but I love you.”

“ _ Michael _ .”

“And I care about you. So, take care of yourself. Okay?”

“Okay.” 

* * *

“Oh my God,” Michael and Jeremy whispered in unison.

“I know right?” Rich hummed from the backseat.

“How many cars could fit in that driveway?” Michael inquired.

“How many people could fit in that house?” Jeremy asked.

“A lot and a lot more,” Rich answered. “Now, pull up near the garage and let’s get inside.”

“Are we gonna get lost?” Michael queried, following Rich’s instructions. “Because I did not plan on being Dora the Explorer today.” 

“Um, I call being Boots,” Rich replied.

“Then I’ll be Swiper because he has really cool music,” Jeremy stated.

“Wow, fucking, stop being the bad guy and swiping our shit,” Michael joked, smiling at the two other boys who chuckled.

“I’ll steal all the shit I want,” Jeremy replied. “Like your favorite hoodie.”

“GOT-EM!” Rich yelled.

“Alright let’s head in,” Michael huffed, putting the car in park. He reached into the backseat and tugged his guitar to him. Jeremy gripped Michael’s ukulele in his hands. 

“So, you’re DD?” Rich asked as they all got out. 

Michael only rolled his eyes as Jeremy laughed. 

“I’m sorry I can’t drive,  _ Mikey-Wikey, _ ” Jeremy stated.

“I will actually kill you if you continue to use that nickname,” Michael growled. “I’m not joking around, Heere. I will fight you.”

“Plan it out in the bathroom at school like the freshman,” Rich hummed.

“ _ What? _ ” Jeremy and Michael asked at the same time.

“Yup, two freshman boys decided to duke it out and they both got suspended for like a week,” Rich shrugged. “They’re both on the football team. They only reason they decided to fight was because apparently they had a ‘Your Mom’ competition, and one of them took it too personally.”

“You’re fucking with me,” Michael retorted.

“Nope. Everything I have said is true.”

“You can’t be serious,” Jeremy mumbled.

“I am so Sirius, I’m Black.” 

“FUCKIN’ NERD!” Michael yelled, hopping up the stairs to the front door.

“You really just made a Harry Potter joke,” Jeremy rolled his eyes.

“What? I wasn’t cool when the books came out,” Rich shrugged.

Michael rapped on the door with his knuckles and the sound a dog racing to the door could be heard. Michael peered back at the duo behind him.

“I’ve only been here for some killer parties,” Rich stated. “I wouldn’t remember shit about a dog.”

Jeremy shrugged in response to Michael’s look.

The door opened.

“Hey, guys,” Chloe greeted everyone with a small brown dachshund in her hand. “Sorry, Graham just gets really excited when he sees people.”

The dog in her arms barked as she said his name. 

“He’s so  _ cute _ !” Michael cooed. “Oh my God! Is it alright if I pet him?”

“Of course,” Chloe smiled. “He’s an attention whore, just like me.”

“ _ Same _ ,” Rich hummed. 

Michael and Jeremy laughed, while Michael patted the dog softly on his head. It yapped and wagged its tail happily. 

“Come on in,” Chloe stepped aside in the doorway. “We were all waiting on you guys to show up.”

“So, everyone else is here?” Jeremy inquired, hesitantly treading through the open doorway after Michael. Rich followed along as well with ease.

Jeremy and Michael gasped and looked around as Chloe led them through the large house. With multiple chandeliers and large open rooms, the place seemed to be humongous. Jeremy gripped onto Michael’s ukulele a little harder because of the sudden anxiety of getting lost. 

“Let’s head downstairs into the basement,” Chloe said, leading the group down many stairs. Halfway down, the four of them could hear the laughter of the rest of the crew. 

They stepped into an expansive finished basement with a kitchen area and a lot of dark-colored sofas. The walls were filled with vintage movie posters and nice hand-painted designs, which brought a comfortable atmosphere into the room. There were many doors, but one was open and was the source of the noise that was heard on the stairs. Chloe led them there and set Graham down at last.

When they walked into the room, there was a chorus of “HEY!”s and “Sup!”s from Christine, Brooke, Jake and Jenna. The four of them had spread out in different layers of large loveseats. 

“Jakey-D!” Rich yelled, running up to the taller boy in the back. 

“Richy Rich!” Jake shouted back and took up the smaller one into a large hug.

“MIKEY!” Brooke yelped. She was instantly in Michael’s arms, bridal style before Jeremy could even blink.

“Hey-oKAY,” Michael barely managed to grab Brooke, yet he still, somehow, managed to do so. “Nice to see you, too.” 

“It’s been so  _ long _ !” Brooke hummed. “I’ve missed your hoodies!”

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that,” Michael replied. “Stop stealing my hoodies, woman. They are fucking mine. We are not married so you can’t take my shit.”

“ _ But, Michaellllll _ ,” Brooke drawled, as Michael set her down. 

“Only I can steal his shit, Lohst,” Rich yelled. 

“Yeah, only my wife can have my shit,” Michael nodded. 

“Wait, what?” Jeremy inquired.

“Me and Michael are married,” Rich stated, matter-of-factly. “I am his wife and he is my husband. And we are happily running a drug ring together.”

Jake chuckled and Rich smiled, drawing the taller of the two back into a hug. 

“You can set your stuff anywhere,” Chloe instructed. “And just sit anywhere, I guess. I’ll work with the projector real quick and start up a musical.”

Jeremy met Christine’s eyes.

Their friendship was still a little rocky after the whole drama about just being friends. Christine had gone up to him on Monday, her eyes sad and tone soft, as she asked if it was still alright to be around him. Jeremy had perked up and smiled, saying that as long as she was happy, so was he. She had flung her arms around him and cried, apologizing profusely about what happened.

Jeremy just held her softly as she wept and told her it was okay. They were fine. They would still be friends. 

He was just glad to hang out with her, honestly. 

And deep in his soul, he knew. He knew that they wouldn’t have been good together. Christine would be too independent and constantly preoccupied with the next thing. She was focused on her career and bettering herself in any way she could. While Jeremy just wanted someone soft to hold, someone to talk to, someone to complain to so that Michael didn’t have to always get his breakdowns and worse moments. He wanted someone to kiss him and hold his hand and do stupid cheesy movie stuff with.

Christine was completely different. And that was okay.

And staying friends was probably the best choice. 

It still hurt a bit. But, Jeremy could get over it. He could shrug this off and worry about more pressing matters.

Jeremy smiled to Christine. She gave a relieved smile back.

Michael claimed a sofa in the front row next to Brooke and Chloe. When Jeremy hesitated to sit down beside him, Michael shot him a confused look.

“Sit down,” he stated. “You’re not going to hurt anybody.”

Jeremy happily took his seat after that.

 

And they watched Legally Blonde and Falsettos and Grease and Little Shop of Horrors and Rent. 

By the end, they were all crying.

* * *

Michael was amazing with a guitar in his hands.

His fingers moved with ease plucking out a tune. They had been calloused due to the amount of practice he did. His nails stubby and short because he couldn’t grow them out because of the strings. 

His hand grazed the frets, flying up and down the neck of the guitar. It was like he was a robot and forced to only know how to play a tune.

It was moments like this where you could see the raw Michael Mell.

Music was his way of getting rid of all the stress and bad thoughts. He could push them out through the expression of music. He rode an instant high once he started to play. 

His eyes would focus on the guitar and his face showed it all.

And in those moments, he was the most beautiful.

Jeremy couldn’t stop his stomach from dropping and his heart from aching. He knew this wasn’t was friends felt.

He knew this wasn’t normal stuff. This wasn’t friendship. 

This…….

 

Jeremy still remembered late nights with Michael in his car, the radio blazing and their voices rising to shout words along to the tune. Jeremy remembered looking over that night and seeing Michael wrapped in the woes of the music.

He remembered how his glasses were askew. He remembered how his hair was a mess. He remembered the minimal lighting showed his small moles on his face, which were raised just slightly from his skin. He remembered his lips were dry and cracked.

Yet, even though they hadn’t slept for days and it was practically midnight, Michael looked perfect in that moment. 

Michael hit the high note and Jeremy’s heart fluttered.

Jeremy remembered dreams of them. He remembered always being excited to see him. He remembered how he hated talking about other people and he just wanted to talk about Michael. He remembered not caring about the latest drama. 

Only him and Michael mattered.

It was the two of them against the world.

  
  
  
  


He’s bisexual.

That explained so fucking much.

Oh my God.

 

_ I’m bi. _

* * *

Michael: Hey, guys. I know a lot of you know this. But, uh….I’m gay.

 

Jake: Cool.

Chloe: Congrats? I mean, I always knew sooo.

Brooke: Rip, you already confessed it to me.

Christine: I’m so proud that you came out to us, Michael!

Jenna: (thumbs up)

Rich: Me too. 

Jeremy: Good job, bud. 

 

Brooke: And I’m pan. 

 

Rich: WHAT?

Jenna: Knew it.

Jake: That explains so much. Oh my God.

Jeremy: Oh my God.

Christine: What does pan mean?

Michael: Pansexual. Brooke likes anything man. 

Christine: Oooooh. That’s what it’s called. Congratulations! 

Michael: Chloe, you alright?

Chloe: Yeah….I’m fine.

Brooke: Sorry, Chlo. I was just afraid of what you’d think-

Chloe: You know I’m bi, right? Like, why’d you be afraid of what I think?

 

Rich:  _ WHAT?!? _

Jake:  _ WaiT  _

Michael: HOLY SHIT! REALLY?

Jeremy: Wow.

Jenna: (witch-like cackles) 

Christine: This is new. 

Brooke: YOU NEVER TOLD ME THAT.

Chloe: I diDN’T?!?

Brooke: NO. 

Chloe: Oh….well...I’m bi.

Brooke: (high-pitched wailing)

 

Jake: Oh, since we’re all pitching in here, I’m hetero-curious. Just thought you guys should know.

Rich: I’ve officially quit life.

Michael: IS EVERYONE HERE FUCKING QUEER?

Jenna: I’m a lesbian.

Brooke: Oh my God. 

Chloe: Christine, do you have anything to say? 

Christine: Well……

 

Christine: I might, um…

 

Michael: Please, don’t feel pressured about telling us anything Christine.

Rich: Honestly. We’re only here to help you. 

Brooke: Yeah, we won’t judge you at all.

 

Christine: It’s not that I’m worried about you guys judging me. It’s just….I think I’m asexual? But, I don’t know for sure. I just...I don’t know.

 

Michael: Christine, don’t worry about labels. They’re only there for quick definitions and organization. There’s no need to worry about that stuff. If you change your mind, you change your mind. You don’t have to stick to one label for your whole life. You can fluctuate and change and question. 

Brooke: Seriously. Christine, you’re gonna figure it out but it doesn’t have to be today or tomorrow or even a year from now. Only you know yourself and you discover new things about yourself every day. Don’t worry about being sure. We’re all just putting ourselves under labels so it’s easy to explain.

Christine: (with tears in her eyes) Thank you.

 

Christine: Oh my God,  _ thank you _ . I’ve just been so worried. I don’t know.

 

(Group of kids all surround Christine in a group hug. It’s soft and small, but safe and warm. It’s everything Christine needed in that moment.)

 

(Jeremy steps away after the huddle is done. He has a lot on his mind now. And knows he’s gonna have to deal with it soon. 

But, Michael smiles at him.

His knees go weak and he shoves off his thoughts for another time.)

* * *

Ms. Sawyer wasn’t a decaying old woman that Jeremy expected.

She looked around middle aged with small aging lines and a few grey hairs in her dark, almost black, hair. Her brown eyes looked as if they had seen quite a lot in her lifetime. She had small wire-frame glasses balanced at the end of her nose when Jeremy and his dad walked in. 

“Mr. Heere,” her voice was low, yet comforting. She set her glasses down on a small table next to her. The room itself felt like a sterile living room, with the mixture of light greens and blues. Mrs. Sawyer stood and motioned to the sofa across from her. “Please both of you, sit. I have some paperwork that you two can fill out, along with a few questions.” 

Jeremy sat and instinctively crossed his legs, while his dad took a clipboard and pen that Mrs. Sawyer offered. Jeremy’s dad started filling the paperwork as he declined into the sofa.

“Hello,” she then held her hand out to Jeremy and Jeremy shook it weakly. “I’m Veronica Sawyer.”

“Jeremy Heere,” Jeremy stated, almost at a whisper. 

“It is wonderful to meet you,” she smiled. Somehow, her smile made her a little less intimidating. Jeremy’s stomach still felt unstable, but he felt less likely to flee the scene. “Just to tell you, feeling uncomfortable is completely normal. Therapy is something that is very personal, but I’m not here to judge you. I’m just here to listen and ask questions. We’re supposed to have stimulating conversations which means you’re going to have to talk.” 

Jeremy nodded.

“Alright, now, Mr. Heere,” she looked over to his dad. “I have a few questions if that’s okay?”

“Yes,” Jeremy’s dad peered over the clipboard. 

Jeremy dug his palms into his legs and trained his eyes onto the thick carpet. He braced himself for any question that might come out of her lips and any answer that his father decided to give. 

* * *

Jeremy’s mother had always been a soft woman, with soft eyes and soft hair and soft words. Her smile was soft. Her voice was soft. She was  _ soft _ . 

But, she wasn’t happy.

Jeremy remembers finding her crying in the closet. Her sobs causing him to tear up. He didn’t understand what was wrong. He didn’t understand when she answered his question of what was wrong with “Everything, honey. Everything.”

He didn’t get that she wasn’t very happy. He didn’t get that all her smiles were fake and her laughter was forced. He didn’t get that her nails were chipped and her hair was long and her clothes were bland because she couldn’t get out of bed. 

He didn’t understand when she looked at him with a smile, but her eyes were filled with sorrow. He didn’t understand that she loved him so much, but she could never be a good mother to him.

She never hurt him. She never insulted him. She never meant to break his heart.

She did everything she could when she was clinically depressed and had no help.

She was drowning and she really didn’t want to bring Jeremy down with her.

She knew when she got married that it had been a mistake. They were young, in “love” which had only been a fling. She knew they were only together because of the thing in her stomach. She knew that she was only there for Jeremy because she didn’t want him to grow up messed up like her. 

She didn’t mean to break down one day. Throwing things. Yelling. Practically ripping her hair out. She packed up her clothes and drove.

She barely had any money in her pocket, but there was no way out at that point. 

She drove.

She drove and drove and drove and drove. 

She settled down at random motels that were run down. She stopped at national parks and took pictures with cameras from gas stations. Her phone was broken. Her laptop was dead and she didn’t bother to charge it. 

She knew she was evading life and finally went home to her mother, crying and in pieces.

She couldn’t call home. She couldn’t bring herself to go back and see Jeremy.

She couldn’t go back and answer his questions. 

She knew he would ask, “Why?”

And she couldn’t answer it. 

But, she called her husband. They talked over the phone.

She broke down and told him that she wasn’t healthy for them. They were both unhappy and suffering. They needed to end this.

The divorce went through. It was practically effortless.

Jeremy’s heart was left bleeding. 

He wanted his mom. But, she was gone. 

Up and left him.

Alone.

She didn’t care. 

  
  


But, she had cared too much.

* * *

“Hello, Mr. Heere. Is it alright if I call you Jeremy?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Okay. So, may I ask what you think the problem is?”

“Um…….I don’t really know?”

“Then, why did you end up in the hospital?”

“I-I…..If I tell you, you’d think I’m crazy.”

“I do work with crazy people, Jeremy.”

“But, this story just sounds unbelievable. When I, uh, tried to tell my dad, he laughed at it and didn’t believe me.”

“Is it illegal?”

“Maybe?”

“Did you hurt anyone else?”

“I didn’t mean to.”

“What does that mean?”

“I never had any intention to hurt someone. But, I think I did. With a couple of people.”

“Physically?”

“Definitely not.”

“So, mentally?”

“Yeah.”

“Was it drugs?”

“....No.”

“Are you lying to me?”

“No. It was…...worse than drugs.”

“Alcohol?”

“No. I don’t like drinking.”

“Overdose?”

“I have an aversion to...pills.”

“Are you a part of a gang?”

“I couldn’t be a part of a gang even if I tried.”

“Then, how did you end up in the hospital?”

“...”

“Jeremy, you know that I can’t talk to anyone about the stuff you say in this room. This is a private place. No one can hear you utter the truth inside these walls, except me. And I am sworn to secrecy. Don’t worry about if you think you’ll sound crazy. Don’t worry about what I’ll think. I keep a clear mind with all my patients and you should be comfortable to share here. But, if you cannot absolutely bring yourself to speak about it, we’ll try and work on something else.”

“....”

“....”

“....”

“.....”

“Have you, uh, ever heard of a Squip?”

* * *

“I literally cannot wait to get out of this school,” Jake groaned.

“Big mood,” Michael hummed along with the chorus of murmurs in agreement from the rest of the table. 

“Honestly, I think I’m dead,” Jeremy muttered, his head tucked into his arms on the lunch table. 

“Is Brooke alive?” Christine asked as she looked over to the other girl, who was dozing off on her hand. 

“I really don’t think so,” Chloe grumbled with closed eyes. 

“Hey, Michael, can you tell me how to do math?” Rich whimpered with a piece of paper and a pen. 

“Um, I wish,” Michael replied. “Why are you doing math now? This is like our only break in the day.”

“Because it’s the only final that I might be able to not fail,” Rich shrugged, writing something down. “Other than that, I think I’m screwed.” 

“ _ Fuck math _ ,” Jeremy spat.

There was a multitude of “Whoa!”s “Holy SHIT!”s and “WOW!”s from the group. 

“Jeremy!” Michael beamed. “I’m proud of you, buddy.”

“I just want to Hanukkah to start,” Jeremy growled. “There’s no homework or worrying about tests.”

“I’m still not over the fact that you’re Jewish,” Rich remarked.

“Wait, you’re Jewish?” Jake asked.

“I-I….this….y’know I didn’t ask for this,” Jeremy mumbled while Michael laughed. 

“Jake, how did you not know?” Chloe blinked slowly. 

“Fake friend,” Jenna inputted. 

“Mood,” Michael chirped. 

“I just want to worry about the musical right now,” Christine huffed. “But,  _ no _ , we have to have finals right around the corner.” 

“Well, you’re gonna nail whatever part you want so….” Jeremy shrugged.

“I know, but I’m like the only person that’s super invested into it,” Christine explained. “And we have to pull in enough people to audition for it.”

“What even is the musical this year?” Jenna inquired.

“Little Shop of Horrors,” Christine perked up instantly. “Which I’m  _ super _ excited about. I mean, everyone knows it and so it’s bound to bring  _ something _ in. It’s a way better idea than changing a Shakespeare play into something about zombies.”

“Drag Mr. Reyes, honey,” Chloe chimed. 

“That sounds like fun,” Jake hummed.

“You guys gonna do it? You should! It would be awesome if you guys did-” Christine spouted.

“You’ll have to give us some time to think about it,” Rich warned.

“When're auditions?” Jeremy inquired.

“In like two weeks,” Christine answered. “I’ll get everyone audition packets when they’re ready.”

“Thanks, Christine,” Chloe hummed. 

A hand fell on Michael’s shoulder causing him to jump. “A cherry slushie from 7/11 for one Michael Mell,” a familiar low voice stated. 

Michael’s eyes widened as he spun around to face the person behind him. 

It looked to be a guy that was barely an adult; a broke college student in the flesh. He had Michael’s nose and dark brown eyes. His hair was a messy dark color and tucked under a beanie. He wore a nice jacket with ripped jeans and thick boots. 

“ _ Oh my God,  _ GABE?!” Michael lept up and consumed him into a bone-crushing hug. “You’re home so  _ early _ !”

“Took my finals a little earlier and I was able to come home,” Gabe hummed. “I was missin’ my little brother.”

“Little brother?” Jake inquired, softly.

“Ey! Is that Lil’ J?” The older kid asked, ruffling Jeremy’s curls with a free hand.

“Hey, Gabriel,” Jeremy hummed with a smile. “How’s college?”

“Gross,” he replied. “Don’t tell my mom, but sometimes I skip certain classes so I can stay in my dorm and play video games.”

“I’m gonna tell her,” Michael stated, stepping back from Gabe but still staying near him. 

“I’ll tell her that you’re not going to work,” Gabe retorted.

“She won’t believe you,” Michael stuck out his tongue.

“But, she’ll be suspicious and that’s enough for me,” Gabe said. “Now, who are these people? You don’t have friends.”

“Wow, thanks, bro,” Michael grumbled. “These are some chill people that I hang out with.”

“I’m surprised,” Gabe surveyed the table. “Oh, wait you’re a Lohst kid?” He focused on Brooke. “I know you’re brother, he’s in my calc class.” 

“Cool,” Brooke smiled. 

“He talks about you all the time,” Gabe stated, catching Brooke by surprise. “He says that he really hopes that you’re not still freaking out about college stuff. Honestly, a note to you all, it’s gonna be fine. Everything’s gonna work out. Don’t worry.” 

Brooke’s mouth tugged at a small smirk and she looked at the table with mirth in her eyes.

“Alright, I gotta stop by Jenson’s class and then we can head out,” Gabe remarked to Michael. “Sorry I couldn’t sign you out, Lil’ J. I can’t do a good Mr. Heere voice and I think he still hates me.” 

Jeremy laughed. “No, he thinks you’re a terrible influence, but doesn’t hate you.”

“Come over after school and I’ll school you two at Mario Party,” Gabe jeered. 

“You wish!” Michael argued. “I’ll see you guys later.” 

“You lucky bastard,” Rich retorted.

“Hey, I got friends in high places,” Michael shrugged. “Let’s blow this popsicle stand.”

Jeremy enjoyed watching Michael leave the lunchroom, sipping his Slurpee with a large smile on his face. There was one thing that Michael would never admit. He loved his older brother more than anything. He’s always admired him. 

And Gabe wasn’t too bad of a dude.

**Author's Note:**

> please scream at me at:
> 
> tumblr: starr-chiild or be-more-musical (this one is better)
> 
> twitter: @starr_chiild
> 
> PLEASE SCREAM AT ME I NEED FRIENDS


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